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azureangel35
[–]meat_brickFDS Newbie154 points155 points156 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's only 7am and I've been called out. This is a hard truth and a good reminder.
[–]elementalviragoFDS Apprentice39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, seriously. Oof.
[–]misszazieFDS Newbie190 points191 points192 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You are what you are but it doesn't mandate behavior.
My bff is the biggest empath I've ever met. She feels other people's emotions easily and vividly. You know what she does? Sits in her room alone and content unless it's to hang out with healthy, happy people.
Empath doesn't mean being a horse whisperer for the toxic
[–]Street_Narwhal_3361FDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m for sure stealing that last line. But for the record, as a whole horses appreciate kindness, love and understanding much more than men.
[–]StuffenfluffFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love that. if you’re an empath, bad vibes can seriously funk up the room. I do the same thing - I am much more often alone these days because I’d rather not sour my energy on losers who will just feed on it. that includes friends and lovers
[–]Mind-ObjectiveFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol I love your friend
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This!! Empaths know when someone is fake and a user. They can feel it and they don't want to be around that.
[–]cinnamonketchupFDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is such a terrifying metaphor because it's true. While you focus on the small light you can see flickering inside them, they're only thinking about consuming you and taking advantage of all you can give them. They will suck you dry until you're just a husk. It is very much a predator-prey relationship.
[–]Revy_Ur_EnginesFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes it’s very scary when you try to give the benefit of a doubt
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (19 children) | Copy Link
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[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Absolutely agree with you. I'll even take it another step: I think society has co opted the word empath in order to further normalize women staying in horrific relationships. "I'm an empath so of course x, y, z bothered me" etc..You see so much about empaths and HSP (highly sensitive people) but it's not highly sensitive to say no and have boundaries. I'd almost say the entire term empath is a veil for people who are being victimized on the regular. That word wasn't even thrown around 10 years ago.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
yep. there's even the "narcissists are attracted to empaths and vice versa" trope and I'm over here shouting NOPE! predators are preying on uninformed women; turning pure victimization into a twisted toxic love story
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I heard a great metaphor from a psychologist about this. He found the idea that predators and victims mutually attract each other to be abhorrent and victim blaming. He said:
"Zebras do not attract lions. Lions are attracted to zebras. There's a subtle but important difference."
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]hopewingsFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's me. I pick up on other people's energies and moods unfailingly. It's why I'm such an introvert and don't like social hangouts.
I was able to identify several narcissists and sociopaths with malicious intentions before other people could. But my detector isn't perfect, and I've failed to weed out garden variety LVM in the past.
These days I'm cold and aloof to most, and it's helped me deal with this strange condition.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]_RustInPiece_FDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I can attest to that. I'm working through trauma and would describe myself as an empath. People called me an empath, HSP and "too sensitive" in synonymous ways. I learned to establish boundaries through my life (and I'm still learning now) but that didn't make me less of an empath as far as I noticed. I have to admit that part of me refused therapy because I was afraid to loose my 'special ability' and become shallow as a result. My fear didn't prove true. I am as capable as before, even more because I now have better control over myself. I can tune how much I can dwell in other feelings. On a complete sidenote it also makes amazing sex. I hope that everyone who reads this and is in a similar situation as I was looses their fear of therapy.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm starting to wonder if people are using the term "empath" to excuse their extremely poor boundaries.
This right here.
[–]Mind-ObjectiveFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think using titles like that is gross. That’s an interesting point, using terms like that box people in. For example, someone professing to be a love-bomber or narcissist... ok, you recognize what it is that you do, now how are you going to behave moving forward?
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Mind-ObjectiveFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Magical is a spot on description and I know you didn’t intend it but I definitely felt called out by your last sentence lmao
Totally agree though, taking accountability is needed even after one had gotten hurt
[–]PinkPetalCdistbeautyFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I have always considered myself an empath, and have known I am also codependent as fuck since a teen....
Your comment is intriguing as it didn’t occur to me they could be related .. ugh.
Can’t argue with this part quoted below, certainly could be me.... perhaps you’re are on to something here.
...”......empaths actually seem to be be people who have suffered abuse and trauma and as a result have very poor boundaries and feel they need to be a martyr for everyone.”
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PinkPetalCdistbeautyFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe the empathy part (or “reading” people if you will), is from utilizing some natural form of survival skills, grown very early on, that we aren’t consciously aware of... ie: emotional neglect: By 12 Months old, baby has learned to read parents real fast & accommodate them so they will love them... etc . Don’t have much time right now but just some quick thoughts. 🙂
[–]huevos_and_whiskeyFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup! People who grew up with abusive or neglectful parent(s) often develop hypervigilance and the ability to read microexpressions.
[–]ScalesHaveFallenFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. They don;t know any better, but its an ego-saving self-conceptualisation, positioning themselves as blameless and agencyless against the powerful narcissists.
And truly, noone IS to blame for being abused, only the abuser. But the conflation of the idea of blame with the notion one COULD learn to behave/vet differently is what really makes empaths a danger to themselves.
[–]Street_Narwhal_3361FDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Empathy shows up in my personality the strongest in my ability to spot pain in others and this led me to chose hurt men. I used to see this as a pitiable weakness and being a weak girl. Now, I recognize and appreciate this capacity because I direct that energy to myself and my career in healthcare. This is my most major of leveling up- that I’m the first person who deserves my care.
[–]meat_brickFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So much this. Took me a long time to learn, but I'm definitely my number one now.
[–]poison_snaccFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
And don’t listen to males who constantly claim “I’m an empath.” They aren’t.
[–]AnneJedoniaFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have literally never met a man who ever even mentioned empathy
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
preach. that's one of the biggest red flags there is.
[–]lucidlotusFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeahh...one of the most narcissistic women I know publicly calls herself an empath. She's not fooling most of us. It has also become such a catch phrase in the "spiritual" community that it's basically a cliche and has lost its meaning.
[–]ScalesHaveFallenFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
These people are EXQUISITELY SENSITIVE... to their own feelings.
[–][deleted] 20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
an empath is someone who “feels” the emotions of others or someone who is “in tune” with others emotions. like say someone feels embarrassed or sad, you feel it with them. i hate that people are using this term now to sugar coat codependency. i am a recovering codependent which is developed from a life of addicts and assholes. a girl who is kissing her boyfriends ass likely had to kiss a parents ass growing up. in my case to keep from physical fighting. EMPATH is empathy or intuitive for another’s emotions. codependent is controlling and serving someone unknowingly sometimes so they stay, are nice, love you etc. if most people worked on their codependency the world would be very different!!! any girls out there who control everything other people do so they don’t leave you or because they are so amazing and have potential??? codependent NOT empath.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes i second that! “Codependent No More” changed my life!
[–]_tinyimpFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LMAO I’m saving this thank you 🤣
[–]ScalesHaveFallenFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yyyyyyup. People who have high trait empathy plus maturity and STRONG BOUNDARIES are able to use their insights to create great relationships, avoid people who would harm them or those around them, and use this trait to their advantage in their careers. They make great friends and lovers and they choose great friends and lovers.
The boundariless, emotionally-leaky doormats wallowing on the floor and telling everyone they keep getting taken advantage of because they’re an EMMMMMMPAAAAAAAATTHHHHHH 🙄🤨😒 are frauds. These people often need scraping off the floor, repeatedly by their friends but don’t have much empathy for the needless attention and babying they require because they won’t mature. They can spend hours analysing the psyche of someone who has wronged them, or detailing the myriad ways the world stacked is against them achieving. Very little time analysing what changes they could make or action toward avoiding situations that have proven time and again to disempower them.
EMMMMMPAAATTHHHHHHHS (the word lends itself well to sighing, wailing, moaning and lamentation) will use YOU as a bulwark against their own lack of boundaries, declaiming any agency and making YOU advocate for them, with NO insight into why this is a disgusting expectation from anyone but a child.
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Isn't it funny how almost every single person who calls themselves an empath is a woman...
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
and the men who say it are all (yes, all) narcissists.
[–]Useful-LionFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes. AND another thing I’ve realized is that I tend to bring out the good in people. Not stroking my own ego because it’s actually a negative thing when it confuses me as to someone’s true nature. I’m very playful and so the men I interact with tend to become more playful and lighthearted when we hang out- my last boyfriend would dance in my living room with me, we would take bubble baths together, he bought a puppet because I had one, he started playing blues guitar and telling me about his screenplay ideas with the excitement of a little kid- and he still ended up strangling me at the end of all of it after lying and cheating. I get so confused by that “other side” of him but then I realize it was something that I heavily influenced and brought out in him because those are all my qualities that he was mirroring - and his true nature was a misogynistic douche bag.
[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're spot on. It's so disconcerting to see childlike wonder and rage/indifference to your pain in the same person and it's invaluable to be able to see that you're the one bringing out those qualities/behaviors in him.🕉💜
[–]light_workerx3FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh geez . This is definitely me 😔
[–]SoftFortune64FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a natural thing. If you're an empathy it can't really be shut off and it should be valued. Just be a skeptical empathy with a backbone.
[–]RisoaFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoa this hits hard
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[–]meat_brickFDS Newbie154 points155 points156 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 30 points31 points32 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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