Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻‍♀️

After years of frustration and failure to achieve any real connection or intimacy I finally figured out that my father probably has Aspergers. The explanation helps me intellectually “understand” but it’s honestly caused me a lifetime of emotional trauma and led me to be attracted to and eventually marry a very similar man (repeating familiar relational patterns) and that was of course a disaster. He is now my ex. No hate for either man - they just have a detached aloofness not conductive for closeness - I always felt more alone in their presence than I do now as a single person. Being alone now if comfortable and peaceful. Looking back I can see they just aren’t capable of certain things in a relationship. It’s like a diabetic not being able to make insulin - they just can’t empathize or connect organically. It feels cold. Their moods are erratic and unpredictable. As a child you walk around on eggshells. You are there to “serve a purpose or meet their needs” It took me years to sift through all this and understand it and undo the destructive patterns that were set and cemented in childhood regarding men. It’s a work in progress. I honestly wish there was more written on the topic of being a child of a parent with Aspergers - as most literature focuses only on children who have it and the parents who are raising them. There can be an abusive nature to their parenting