Don’t travel for a man. Especially on your own dime. If he was interested he would travel to you or at very minimum pay for your flight and accommodations.

randomdazee · 2021-11-09T16:03:12+00:00

Also one thing that stands out to me is that she is more nervous to travel alone than to travel to see and spend time with a male stranger she has never met. Sis, that is WAY more dangerous than traveling solo. Vetting can save your life in an instance like this.

I keep thinking of the girl who traveled to Phoenix to meet a man she met on OLD and ended up dying on Camelback mountain when he abandoned her on a hike.

Technusgirl · 2021-11-09T16:09:58+00:00

Learned this the hard way. If a guy doesn't want to travel to see you, he's just using you for easy, cheap sex. They'll keep stringing you along and will never commit. If guys want to piss and moan over the fact that they have to travel to see the woman, they don't realize how often we put up with men using us like this. Men are the ones who need to prove that they want a serious commitment and not just easy sex.

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-11-09T16:59:02+00:00

Aside from the clownery, women need to stop announcing they're going to be alone in a country on social media. I hope her account is anonymous.

crapeescape · 2021-11-09T17:21:53+00:00

This happened to me in the worst way. I was talking to a guy in Dubai. We would chat for hours every day and talk about getting married and how wonderful it would be to have children. After 1 year of chatting I decided to surprise him and use my entire life saving to book a vacation in Dubai. He seemed to be very excited about meeting me and when I arrived at the Dubai airport he was nowhere to be seen. I called and called. No answer. I had to get a taxi and ask the driver to find me a cheap hotel in the city. The next day I called and texted. No answer. Every day I would text him and tell him where I was and what I was doing and I could see he saw my messages. After 10 days I come home and a week later he texts me. ‘Oh sorry I was busy, I had to go out of town for work.’ Liar! Thanks for nothing! BLOCK!

plomerst · 2021-11-09T16:05:55+00:00

My biggest regret was paying for my flight to visit a guy (we were still just friends but he was pursuing me and kept asking me to visit him in his new city). And then I insisted on paying for our movie tickets because he paid for our meals. Oh and he made x2 my salary. Never again.

ChocoBananza · 2021-11-09T16:38:05+00:00

Happened to me. I used to travel for work a lot (pre covid), and I met a guy. We clicked, we spoke every day for weeks, and I decided to take matters into my own hands 🤡. I suggested that I can come over and visit him on my next work trip, and fly from there. So I would come over for the weekend, fly to the client, and return to his city for another weekend. He said yes enthusiastically, but immediately after our communication TANKED. The thing is, I knew in my gut that something was wrong, but I wanted to cOmMuNiCaTe, and he gaslit me. Literally 3 days later, and 3 days before my trip, he bailed. Told me that it was a mistake, and that he doesn’t want me there. By that time, even though I could get a refund on my own flight, I couldn’t switch my work flights. So I could just go phuck myself. Never heard from him again.

Luckily for me, I have friends in that city, so I had a place to stay for free, and had a blast anyway.

Never ever again! Learned my lesson the hard way.

BasieSkanks · 2021-11-09T17:35:37+00:00

When I was in the BDSM scene, an older gentlemen paid for me to visit him and got me my own hotel room. We did not end up doing anything sexual, so I got to enjoy a free holiday. Scrotes nowadays see nothing wrong with expecting a woman to pay for their orgasm. I met another cheap scrote in his 20s who expected me to fly over to his city to "show me round" (have sex with me). He didn't offer to pay for anything, just expected me to fly out like some free prostitute.

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-11-09T19:07:51+00:00

Off topic but I see A LOT more stories of men ghosting women nowadays, interesting. I think men like the idea of having a beautiful woman waiting on them, wasting their time, alone. It’s so weird.

UnitedHoney · 2021-11-09T15:58:58+00:00

Definitely sounds like she didn’t vet.

irisdallaty · 2021-11-09T16:34:56+00:00

I’ve had a similar situation! I was dating someone who kept leading me on, I got train tickets and they day self he ghosted me so I decided to use the tickets to go shopping in a different city and that’s where I met my boyfriend! So I’m happy he ghosted me, maybe the solo trip will be a very nice experience for you too

asupernova91 · 2021-11-09T19:15:22+00:00

I almost did this last year (pre-FDS) I’m SO glad I didn’t. Every time I hear about stuff like this I think about the girl who died here in Arizona while on a hike with a guy she met online, and flew in to meet. Also in my experience if a man is actively looking for girls outside his hometown he’s either married, in a relationship, has kids (or something else to hide), or is a walking red flag.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-11-09T17:42:17+00:00

“Boy” 🤢🤮

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-11-09T21:06:53+00:00

Also, the egg does not travel to the sperm!

pixiefairy28 · 2021-11-09T16:26:06+00:00

Do not ever do this, ladies!!! If a man who presents himself to be pursuing you is OK that you travel to meet him, I'm sorry hunny but he is a LVM. These men are lazy and low effort. They aren't scared that you'd be put off or turned off by these acts. You don't want them.

A HVM would not let you travel to meet him as he would be concerned about your safety and that you'd be tired travelling. Also, he would love and willing to travel to you, to impress you and make everything less of a hassle to you.

Let him travel to you - he is the one pursuing you and not the other way around sis. If he does not want to and insists that you go, drop him. You don't need him anyway. 💅

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-11-09T21:04:49+00:00

Tell me you’re desperate without telling me. 🙄🤦‍♀️

top_of_the_stairs · 2021-11-09T16:55:36+00:00

That post in general just made me wince; any social media posts that cry out for attention (and this one ends in a literal plea for attention, good Lord) make me wince, let alone this airing of embarrassingly dirty laundry.

IMHO high-value women keep their social media clean, classy, and well-edited. And to be clear: I'm not saying social media should be "fake." I'm saying: one can be authentic and real without needlessly sacrificing one's dignity 👑

xfelugirlx · 2021-11-09T19:32:16+00:00

Amen sis, never travel for a man. They get used to it and always ask for more or put all the charge. I did it with an ex lvm and come late at night. When the pandemic strike he need to come to see me and complained about it, the audacity.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-11-09T17:54:06+00:00

oh my gosh.... this is horrible. but imagine if she actually travelled there and he would ghost her after she would wait in the airport.

lvrcalii · 2021-11-09T22:20:43+00:00

This may be unorthodox, but I must say this applies to local travel as well. I recently wasted my time and energy on a man a half hour away who I always went too and picked up. Turns out he was a full blown narcissist. And that's coming from someone who is credentialed to diagnose. Lol If he won't come to you most or all of the time, move on sis. Now if only I knew that last year. 🙄

aluriaphin · 2021-11-09T16:09:06+00:00

I had this happen to me with an INTERNATIONAL trip!! Luckily I was already planning to go there but meeting this guy who was from there and in my town for one night really clinched it and influenced me to stay for two whole weeks. As soon as I messaged him that I bought the tickets... 👻👻👻 When I got there I messaged him again just to make sure (🤡)... Crickets. Absolutely never heard from him again. It hurt because that was one of the only times in my LIFE that I connected with someone in what felt like a powerful, immediate way and we hooked up (I never ever do one night stands, truly it felt different). I really thought we could have something, especially considering he said "I think I'm in love with you"... It was just the liquor talking I guess 🤡🤡🤡

Definitely a lesson learned. NEVER travel to meet someone you don't know and never agree to let them stay with you if they visit. Make them show you proof of their hotel booking or you're liable to end up with a stranger as a houseguest! Two other times I have had men pay for me to travel to meet them and it was a NIGHTMARE, you do NOT want to be stuck with someone you don't know, period. PERIOD!! In hindsight I put myself into serious danger and I'm lucky nothing bad happened to me other than two very unpleasant evenings. Learn from my clown-ass mistakes ladies, it could save your life.

kolsen92 · 2021-11-09T22:19:05+00:00

Agreed. I used to date a guy in a different country (I live in Europe) and he always paid for my ticket, Uber to airport and was waiting to get me when I arrived. He later turned out to not be a HVM but I was happy with that aspect of our relationship. The thought of paying for your own ticket to see them baffles me

apple_cores · 2021-11-09T20:48:51+00:00

I’ve shared this story before but a couple years ago, pre-FDS days I met someone who lived in a different state. We had had a one night stand and instead of going our own ways, he asked me when I was going to come visit him. We had intense chemistry and this was just what I needed to get over an ex. I asked him if he would I buy my ticket and he sulked and said something like “oh that’s how it is?” I ended up buying my own ticket. He was late picking me up at the airport, I cooked for him and helped him move and he took me to church and introduced me lmfaooo. I was getting ready to leave and we were talking about what the next step would be; he wanted to take it slow land liked how things were(lollll), while promising me he would come visit. Less than a month later, he’s out of town for a holiday weekend and his communication drops subtly but enough for me to notice.

Communication started to drop even more and I suspected he’d met someone at the clubs (he posted on Snapchat and lots of women around). I asked him what had changed and he would insisted nothing had. But communication kept dropping and I had more or less figured out who he had met and was slow fading me to be with her. The worst part is I already had my ticket booked to see him next and he had promised he would pay half (he didn’t). As a last attempt to get the truth out of him since he wouldn’t admit anything, I asked him if I should still come visit and he said something about being busy at work so it’s not a good time. I cancelled my ticket (had to pay $150 cancellation fee), told him it’s over and he’s a coward for not telling me the truth.

He ended up posting her on social media not long after and I deleted him on everything and wrote him a paragraph saying I knew and he wasn’t shit for how he had treated me. He replied he was sorry and that he wasn’t ready. That was that. He still would watch my stories and swipe up occasionally after, like it was all good. I never replied and eventually blocked him.

So yeah don’t ever do this ladies lol. I wish I had more friends at the time who would have shown me how bad of an idea this was. I only had one tell me that maybe it would be a bad idea but the rest were more or less telling me it’s up to me. Maybe they knew I would have gone regardless. Either way it’s not their fault. But I would 100% speak up now and lay down the facts If any of my friends tried to do this now.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-11-10T04:24:27+00:00

dude even in the worst of my pick me days I made sure guys picked me up on time, could host, pay for whatever. Had guys driving cross counties like 1 hr+ just to come pick me up. Never ever travel to see just a guy and not have him set up the accomodations...

miaumiaoumicheese · 2021-11-09T16:12:27+00:00

My fiancé travelled to my city for our first meeting and this is how it should look

s_slayer · 2021-11-10T06:27:05+00:00

This guy flew me down a couple times to see him then wanted me to pay for myself. I didn't make nearly as much money as he did plus frankly I am wayyy better than looking than him! I ditched him after this and he texted me the other day knowing full well I'm in a very loving, fulfilling relationship with a man way hotter than him and said "I love you" "I'm ready for this now". Lmfao! I replied "wow that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard" then basically told him to fuck off. He showed me early on the kind of loser he was. He didn't ever stray from that pattern. They let you know, pay attention!

Waste-Win · 2021-11-09T21:18:32+00:00

She should try to sell the ticket instead of going to some place she wasn't interested to visit to start with.

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2021-11-10T05:08:24+00:00

It’s better if he travels to you (financially and time wise). One thing about lvm men is that they don’t mind wasting a woman’s time. Whereas we are intentional with our time and finances. We don’t invest time in people we don’t like.

AlegalHuman · 2021-11-10T18:56:41+00:00

A good vetting strategy for me (unintentional - from before I met FDS) has been being forthcoming about how I love to travel solo. I’ve backpacked all across Europe, been to several national parks in the US, several interesting cities in the US, and even drove across the country staying in different states for months at a time in my deferral gap year before matriculating to the grad school I was admitted to. It was amazing and I learned so much.

I also get lonely and crave close friendships and romantic bonds. But like. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to suck the juice out of life the way I want to, independently of who I’m doing it with…

When I settled down into a city after grad school and started dating, a lot of men seemed HELLA uncomfortable with all of this. It gave me bad vibes but I didn’t get why, I can be kind of naive about peoples’ rationale and intentions. It made me scoot away from people but only in hindsight did I realize those men just didn’t understand how to handle a woman that would be able to do all that.

alpinepunch2021 · 2021-11-10T02:19:48+00:00

My best friend's been seeing this guy she met off of a dating app and she travels to his city to meet him every weekend because he finds ours boring. The weird thing is, although he does have his own set of issues, he's decent enough to offer to pay for her trip and their dates but she insists on turning him down. She used to buy groceries for her unemployed LVM exes constantly until they dumped her too (and for context unlike them she was actually employed, sociable, funny, and way more attractive). I can't wrap my head around it - this time this guy's, for once, at least making the effort to not financially exploit you and you're like 'no thanks'??

CarNo5059 · 2021-11-10T09:22:23+00:00

It's also a form of human or sex trafficking. They ask you to meet somewhere under the guise of a job or something, and then things happen.

I know that traveling alone in certain countries can be daunting as a solo female traveler, but from my own experience, any man who is traveling is looking for casual sex or encounters when they see an opportunity.

Traveling with girls was fun, but when it came to a mix of guys and girls, expect a group of pickmes and LVM. They were not fun at all and were killjoys most times. They would also find the most obscure places to visit and it turns out to have something to do with drugs or prostitution (as in service).

Apprehensive-Theme38 · 2021-11-10T13:40:24+00:00

Damn that sunset pic is as bleak as this situation

DifferentBar6 · 2021-11-11T01:13:48+00:00

I’ve never paid to travel to see a guy. They have always paid.

Nowadays I cba.

He’d have to be something really special before I might even CONSIDER travelling for a man. And it would be first class only.

I like my peace and quiet. That’s what he’s competing against. Is he better than that? Probably not. So not worth the hassle.

Title	Don’t travel for a man. Especially on your own dime. If he was interested he would travel to you or at very minimum pay for your flight and accommodations.
Author	randomdazee
Upvotes	551
Comments	66
Date	November 9, 2021 3:56 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qq6op9/dont_travel_for_a_man_especially_on_your_own_dime/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-travel-for-a-man-especially-on-your-own-dime.1085046 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085046