Don't worry if LVM treat the next person better

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-06-23T23:04:47+00:00

I think a lot of women also forget that an abuser puts his best foot forward in the beginning exactly so he can get close enough to begin that systematic abuse. Men learn how to become better abusers based on their experiences the same way we learn how to see abuse early on and avoid it in the future.

Also unless you are inside the home of an ex and their new partner, you don’t know what psychological warfare may be occurring, you don’t know that he isn’t using sexual coercion to rape her every night and calling it love, you don’t know if she’s just “staying for the kids”, or because he has control of her finances, or because she comes from an abusive home and his brand of abuse is the best she’s ever had.

Lundy Bancroft says it again and again in Why Does He Do That, “Over the past three decades I’ve heard a hundred or more women say, ‘I wish I could get back all those years I lost trying to get him to work on himself.’ But I’ve never once yet heard a woman say, ‘I gave up on my abusive partner too soon. I wish I’d given him more of a chance.’.

spicyspa · 2021-06-23T23:38:37+00:00

They'll treat her better then revert back.

My ex started picking up after himself and contributed to his girlfriend's house much to my eyerolling. I'm not jealous at all because I left him for a lot of reasons.

However, they visited me a couple weeks ago and I can tell she's fed up with him. My daughter and her hubby tried to get him to find a better paying job. He's being paid a low wage even though he's educated and experienced. He refused. Now his girlfriend is tasked with leaving her career or taking a new job to pick up his slack. I don't interfere, but I feel sorry for her. She's a kind pickme and I wish her well. She felt sorry for me because she found this catch. Hmm.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-06-23T23:42:57+00:00

Sure he will treat the new woman better. Up until he meets someone else, gets tired of her or gets too comfortable and will fall into his old habits. It's hard to keep pretending to be good if you are not inherently good.

dutchie19 · 2021-06-24T00:06:35+00:00

As a fellow ex of a covert narc, you know it won't last - that poor replacement for you will soon be in your shoes. Distraught, and hurt, as we were. Lost for words and sick. I feel bad for any of his next victims, knowing he's only love bombing.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-06-23T23:17:26+00:00

There's no way to know what's actually going on in someone else's relationship and abusers never start off abusive. What we do know is that N/LVM don't have the self awareness to go to therapy to improve themselves, so you already know his next partner's future. You've lived it and decided it wasn't worthy of you.

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-06-24T01:02:14+00:00

At one point or another, we’ve been the woman that someone else worried about. Was it better for most of us? No. These LV scrotes are such roaches, fr. They search and destroy. I’ve thought of this.

They come to you with previous tactics and all the info and resources they got from their ex. If they monkey branched, you pick up where he decided to change the character. Remember your beginning, it will only make sense after the end. So if he’s toxic, he’s coming with all her energy and improvements he wouldn’t have done alone. But the stuff he’s excited about are things he wants you to think were your idea so he gets brownie points for trying so hard. He listens. Yea.. Whatever he refused to give to her, he’ll give to you, or I should say, PROMISE.

It’s why they lay the love bomb extra thick. LVM set off different scrote grenades as they unlock to new levels in your life. It’s a scrote, they’re impatient. What isn’t completely insidious is pure improv of who they really are deep down. It’s easier to describe it like that, since scrotes here are like an even more annoying Plankton from SB. Only they’re entitled, angry, mostly useless, and there’s many of them. Redpill and other scrote forms of recreation give them a vision. And because they see it works (but never long term) they rely on pickmes and society to help for free. We were brainwashed to compete for these tools against each other. Think of what you did for your scrote and what he did for you. You likely were always doing more. Shout out to you if you were set free from a 50:50 scrote or an old one demanding it.

I look back at relationships and how they truly were (once the gory bits fell off and all that was left was the crushed bones of what was ultimately nothing) and if you do that as well, you can form your own judgment. The salty one, the realistic one, and the one you can work with your detective skills. Usually a combo of all.

If they really wanted to self improve, they wouldn’t do it when they begin or end a relationship. Women on the other hand, end up having to rebuild everything they crushed or tried to take. And we rebuild quickly. But yea, no worries. She’ll get the improved version because you prob changed that scrotes life and he thanks you for his time at the scrote rehabilitation center. If he’s a toxic and abusive man, the real scrote’s true self will eventually stand up. Cus at that point, it’s onto the other. You’ll notice whatever fighting style he had with her or his grievances to his ex, what he love bombed you with, he will go ape and try to crush you. idk. Just be glad it’s not you anymore. Hot potato that shiz to another universe. Lol

Platipus6 · 2021-06-24T01:11:46+00:00

They're the other half of the cycle of abuse.

"Finally, a woman to make me happy. OK I've paid enough, got her, I can relax. Oh wow, she changed. She bait and switched me. Where did that pleasant woman go? God she's so annoying and demanding, I better set her straight. She's not the perfect woman I met, sigh, another bitch".

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2021-06-24T00:18:16+00:00

It may seem like on social media that he treats the next girl “better” in the beginning (trust me, he’s not) but he will go back to his real self. He will put his mask on at first but he can’t keep it on forever. All of his bad traits WILL come back especially if he’s LV and doesn’t seriously work on himself (like see a therapist and such).

AbbyDean1985 · 2021-06-24T00:40:19+00:00

I hope my ex treats his next victim, I mean girlfriend, better than me. But I fuckin doubt it.

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-06-24T05:57:59+00:00

I think the more realistic concern is that they'll treat the next one even worse. Ab.users only escalate in theur ab.use. I think it's common following a messy breakup of a relationship where the ab.user knows they exposed their callous monster face for the ab.user to go into a manic display of "twu wuv" performance art with the next unfortunate target. When that mask slips again it will fall with a crash.

Dazzling_Grass1727 · 2021-06-24T01:56:56+00:00

If you know your enemy, you'll win all the battles.

Of course he's treating her better to make you feel bad, jealous and crazy! After you're gone, he'll start treating her exactly how he treated you, probably even worse to make up for his 'losses'.

These people end up in the same position over and over and it's everybody else's fault!

Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-06-24T00:00:20+00:00

I think almost every one of us can rest assured that bad men rarely truly improve. I spent years beating myself up over my worst ex bf, I imagined a clear picture in my head of him with a beautiful wife, nice kid, nice dog, in front of the nice house he bought after upgrading his job. If only I had just worked harder, so he would have appreciated me.

I eventually checked one of those people finder sites. Over a decade later, he never got the better job, he never bought a house, his name/address has never been associated with a woman other than his mother, meaning he never even cohabitated with a girlfriend in all that time. I felt SO HUMILIATED those first few years, like I had fumbled a golden football. If I can't trust my own judgement, I can trust other women, and I know for a fact that he was out there chasing ass for over a decade, and failed. These men are going to die alone. All these men who looked up to George Clooney 20 years ago are drying up and turning back into a pumpkin at midnight.

single_pringle3 · 2021-06-23T23:52:42+00:00

You also don’t know how the person treats their partner behind closed doors.

Also, I would hope that he learned something from losing me and would treat the next person better. No one deserves low value in their life.

bulbababy97 · 2021-06-24T01:01:30+00:00

Honestly I just feel bad for the next girl because I know he will never change. I wish I could warn her but I know it’s best to keep those ties cut completely.

Lea4321 · 2021-06-24T12:31:09+00:00

In the off chance my ex does change (even a little!), I will be genuinely happy. Not for him, but for the universe to have a less shitty human in it.

lavender_icicle · 2021-06-24T10:11:22+00:00

You are absolutely right. It doesn't matter how happy or nice they seem now, its not my business anymore. Also, he will probably change over time, just as he did with me. They always start out with all their best acting and manipulation and skirt the line to manipulation until they have you under their thumb. I would feel sorry for his new gf, but she is a narc picme so maybe they'll fuck each other up. Who cares! I'm just glad he's so focused on her that he leaves me alone.

alphasquish · 2021-06-25T00:38:25+00:00

This is so spot the F on. My ex monkeybranched from his ex to me. Of course, she was “crazy”. I wasn’t a fan, but while she did say some off the wall things to me, she wasn’t totally off base about him. Difference is, she was so twisted up over him, and he knew it. He has heard nary a word from me in months. I do know he tried to monkeybranch from me to someone new online within a month of us splitting. These guys don’t care - it’s not about you, it’s about having a constant emotional airbag.

QueasyEducation5 · 2021-06-24T11:58:40+00:00

I needed this today - thank you!

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-06-26T15:51:55+00:00

I pray to God he treats the next woman better than me! I wouldn't want another woman to suffer the utter tomfoolery and disrespect I suffered. I sincerely wish my ex the best. Glad I'm not with him anymore. 🤢

Title	Don't worry if LVM treat the next person better
Author	AC7878
Upvotes	454
Comments	38
Date	June 23, 2021 10:49 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o6nz4c/dont_worry_if_lvm_treat_the_next_person_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-worry-if-lvm-treat-the-next-person-better.786519 https://theredarchive.com/post/786519