My mom is the most HV woman I know. She’s always advocated for me, made sure I kept up with my education, and that I am independent and ambitious. She instilled these values in me and all my siblings. She is also a house wife who has been with my father for more than two decades. I’ve always loved their relationship because they take care of each other and genuinely love each other’s company. They’re truly best friends.
Well yesterday, we started talking about dating and how a lot of my old high school friends were getting married too quick because I used to live in a Bible Belt state. Eventually the conversation turned to 50/50 and my mom scoffed immediately. She said 50/50 doesn’t make sense because you’re not going to be making the same as your partner. She also said she would rather live alone than split the bills with a man. She even went on to say you shouldn’t live together before engagement/marriage because the pressure just ruins the relationship.
I, of course, agreed with everything she said and told her about how American women advocate for 50/50 and she was disgusted. She said if she was ever on a date and the man split the bill she would either pay and block him or “go to the bathroom” then block him. She told me and my sisters to run anytime a man ever suggests to split the bill. She even said if my dad pulled that while they dating she would have broken up with him immediately. Her main reasoning for being anti-50/50 is because she thinks men and women are inherently different, which is true, and that you can never split a pregnancy.
She also said living together and splitting the bills is being glorified roommates. If she was in that situation, she would have her own room and only cook her own food and clean after herself. She believes true partnerships will contribute fairly and since she doesn’t believe in dating broke men, the men will contribute more. After hearing all of this I understand why my dad treats her the way he does. She is tough, no nonsense, and pushes all of us to be our best. He gets her flowers for every occasion and he has always been a very active father despite being a busy professional.
He believes that she is entitled to his money because they’re equal partners and that’s how partnerships should be. I’m glad I had this conversation with my mom. It really confirms FDS strategies for me and I feel so fortunate that I have HV parents that are always there to support me and give me solid advice whenever I need it.
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