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Funny how they never punch themselves; it's always someone or something that has to be on the receiving end. Psychopaths.

December 19, 2020
2770 upvotes
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Post Information
Title Funny how they never punch themselves; it's always someone or something that has to be on the receiving end. Psychopaths.
Author Descendant_of_Innana
Upvotes 2770
Comments 137
Date December 19, 2020 1:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/funny-how-they-never-punch-themselves-its-always.456202
https://theredarchive.com/post/456202
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kg8465/funny_how_they_never_punch_themselves_its_always/
Comments

[–]MisandryFTWFDS Newbie271 points272 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

I dated a guy who would regularly fly into a rage and destroy my things but never his own things, even though he was mad because he stubbed his toe or something random that was 100% his fault. The first time he did it I told him if he ever hit me I would immediately leave him. He said he was 100% in control but just chose to let his anger out on objects. I realized later when he never destroyed his own stuff that it was probably true. He also always chose things I had spent a lot of time on or had sentimentality and were expensive. Like I had saved up to get a pair of huge canvas custom made and was in the middle of painting them, he threw a statue I had made into the canvases destroying both because he got frustrated doing homework or something. I can't believe I stayed even when he hurt my pets. I'm glad I eventually left but it was scary to. Things are 200% better now.

[–]CatSweetsFDS Newbie167 points168 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you went through this. In the book "Why Does He Do That?" the author explains exactly what you said - these men are never "out of control", they destroy exactly what they want to, and is always their partner's possessions, not theirs.

[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's just the book I thought about when I saw this thread. I remember that book being very clear that punching walls was a red flag even when no other violence is present.

[–]electric_taffyFDS Newbie53 points54 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I’m so sorry you went through that. In my very early 20s, I stayed with a terrible man who physically abused me and tried to poison my cat. $3000 in vet bills and thankfully she was okay (she turned 12 a couple months ago) but I convinced myself he couldn’t possibly have done it.

It wasn’t until several years after I left that it finally hit me that my ex was the reason she almost died. I felt so much guilt for staying after that happened, I’m convinced men truly are monsters.

[–]FabledAngryVillagerFDS Apprentice28 points29 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I'm glad your cat survived and is still with us! And glad you eventually got out of that situation.

[–]electric_taffyFDS Newbie30 points31 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Thank you! She’s my baby and I have no idea what I’d do without her. I’ll never date another abusive man ever again thanks to her because she helps me stay strong.

[–]DasNecroPantserThrowaway Account11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Glad the baby is okay :) And cool lighting!

[–]FabledAngryVillagerFDS Apprentice23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She's 12??? You've been taking very good care of her! And I love her coloring, she's adorable 😭💕

[–]electric_taffyFDS Newbie24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. That picture was just taken the other day so it’s super recent too! I got her 6 months before I turned 18 so she’s been with me my whole adult life.

She happens to have a great bullshit radar, if she meets a man I’m thinking about dating and she doesn’t like them, I know he’s no good!

[–]woadskyFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Love her black velvet shoes.

[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

beautiful coloring indeed!

hurting animals and defenseless humans is always a sign of psychopathy, especially animals because they cannot speak to us directly.

[–]electric_taffyFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! And yes, the man was a sociopath to his very core. I was 19 when we met and he was in his late 40s. He manipulated me and abused me for 4 years until I finally had the strength to leave him.

Luckily I’ve come a long way and don’t put up with bullshit anymore.

[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

glad you're here!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OMG I love torties!!! She's so beautiful <3

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm inclined to agree, most days I wish they'd fuckin disappear. Gorgeous kitty... the fact that someone who wish harm on such innocent creature hurts my heart

[–]PalmTreePhilosophyFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fkn hell. Why are damaged men who function like toddlers not locked up and treated? Love your username btw.

[–]FabledAngryVillagerFDS Apprentice6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you and your pets had to suffer that awful POS.

Also love your username btw 🥴

[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

https://youtu.be/i30mBVxSePI goes over quite a bit ofthe information, but I highly recommend you buy it off amazon (if able) or google for a free copy ( a few minutes effort can find the full book).

This book is an amazing resource for abuse victims and women that want to learn how to recognize the signs of future abuse.

[–]dingobat5FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow did we date the same guy? He’d break gifts id given him, things I had worked hard on - once he threw the dinner I had spent hours cooking in the trash uneaten... he broke a lot of his own stuff too but lol idk.

[–]BBQCoolRanchQueenFDS Apprentice61 points62 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That brought back flashbacks to my childhood (they're not anxiety-inducing ones anymore thanks to therapy). My nvm dad did shit like this all the time. It went from holes in walls and doors kicked off hinges to him hitting my mother and I. Thanks to FDS, though, I'm healing. I have a few years of therapy under my belt, and this subreddit is helping my recovery.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so glad it's in the past where it belongs; preferably it never should have happened. Glad you are healing.

[–]chatrebelleFDS Newbie146 points147 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

They still claim women are the emotional one and men are rational. Riiiiiiiiight

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 64 points65 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Many men do this on purpose, in fact they are very calm yet calculated. This whole punching the wall is just an act to get you to comply. I said psychopathy but Im not sure what the diagnosis is.

[–]PalmTreePhilosophyFDS Newbie29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Manipulative, abusive, controlling. Sociopath might be more accurate.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yep, agree

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Makes me think they get thrills out of punching holes in walls.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the thrill is seeing your terrified expression and subservience, the rest is just an act. truly insidious.

[–]IdealMiserable6522FDS Newbie288 points289 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

I wish I wish I could have known what a red flag this is!

I will NEVER live in a house with holes in the wall again!!

Edit to add: I think I just realized even seeing a hole in the wall still triggers anxiety. 10 years later. Fucking assholes. :(

[–]Striking_Play_1393FDS Newbie71 points72 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

One of my exes used to punch walls before he started punching me

[–]IdealMiserable6522FDS Newbie39 points40 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way too :( I can't believe I ever used to think it was ok because "the anger has to get out someway and at least it's not me or another person" smh

[–]Striking_Play_1393FDS Newbie56 points57 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

"I hit the wall because I didn't want to hit you". Yeah, eventually it became ME and it was always my fault for getting him all worked up like that. Im sorry you had to go through it too

[–]leftcornerofmychairFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s so sad that as women we, including myself, fall for this. I would think I must have provoked him.

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

what did he get worked up abt?

[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Punching walls is a sign of danger a red flag. It shows that he's comfortable with a violent response. It's also an intimidation tactic. Even though people often interpret it as "he couldn't control himself" that's not true, a man who reacts in this way is choosing to manifest his anger in this way.

Edit: crossing out "red flag" because this is more than a red flag, this is a sign you have a huge problem on your hands and need to leave before it escalates.

[–]fireforestfairyFDS Newbie73 points74 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yeah it's a huge red flag. These guys have anger issues.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 38 points39 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

pure unadulterated rage

[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sometimes. Sometimes its just scaring you for a thrill. Abusers enjoy your pain, your fear, and having a sense of control over you. They don't necessarily need to be angry to hurt and scare you, sometimes the anger is just an excuse. Its MUCH more efficient to scare you and hurt you to make you comply than to try and reason with you when the thing they want is completely crazy. My second abuser tried to convince me I hated my job and when that didn't work hid keys and started a huge fight so that I couldn't leave for work. Anger was nothing but a tool for that one.

[–]dingobat5FDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah exactly. When my ex would get that angry and I’d just laugh at him he’d keep escalating until I wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Don’t provoke me when I’m angry” was what he said.

[–]whatiidwbwyFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Could be wrong, but it seems like the type of behavior that red flags are meant to warn us about

[–]quarterlyavocadoFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this is a “skull and crossbones flag” 🏴‍☠️. They aren’t actively harming you yet, but you’re in imminent danger and need to escape immediately

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

they dont even have to punch anything, throwing stuff is good enough.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

sending you hugs

[–]EspionagessFDS Apprentice50 points51 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry to hear that. Good that you're out and that shitty person is still stuck with their shitty selves, while you can move on an flourish <3

[–]IdealMiserable6522FDS Newbie46 points47 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yessss!! And flourish I have!!! While one finally killed himself about 5 years ago and the other is still wallowing in poverty, anger issues, and narcissism lol

[–]leftcornerofmychairFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s horrifying

[–]CB4lifeFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yea there’s an episode of kitchen nightmares where the chef owner guy has a “gym” downstairs of the restaurant along with several holes in the wall. Yes he was an angry yeller. Gordon was just like... flabbergasted when he saw it.

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

gordon is not any better but anyway do u have the link?

[–]TheSuspiciousChardFDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Imagine a parallel universe where all men have their necks stuck in the smallest hole they made in a wall and bowling silently like the manchild they are while women have a jolly good time with the toxic men stuck in wall holes 🤣

[–]cutsforluckFDS Newbie76 points77 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah, this work of art transports me back to memories of toxic personality-disordered ex...

He just had to get drunk, so I had to drive his car back, 3 hour drive back on icy two-lane, two way rural highways.

He was in the passenger seat, playing stupid music really loud, bouncing off the walls, doing whatever on his phone.

Argument ensued because I asked him to please stop distracting me, as I was focusing on keeping the car on the road, and not dying if the car spun on a patch of ice.

He started berating me about not liking his music (?), took his CD out of the player and smashed it in front of me.

I looked at him disgustedly. 'What the hell was that? Was that supposed to intimidate me?'

He said he didn't care about the CD [ie deflected responsibility, that it was an attempt at intimidation]

So we listened to the radio. Until he smashed his fist into it so hard, that it stopped working altogether.

He expected me to cower into submission, not that he would ever admit this. Because he was 'such a nice guy' to everyone [else]. Who would believe me?

Not only he never apologized. He actually blamed me for his smashing of both his personal items.

[–]_rainbowsprinkles_FDS Newbie38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Abusive men only destroy things that they don’t own. They’re always in control when they say they “lose it” or “black out”

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

did Lundy say that? It's been awhile since I read it but that is spot on. It's never their own stuff but always of the person they want to intimidate.

[–]_rainbowsprinkles_FDS Newbie13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lundy and other reputable sources have definitely said that! Along with my own experiences. Thanks for posting, posts like these always remind me to stay on my toes and watch out for red flags like this, even with guys I’m not romantically interested in.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think FDS should apply to friends and platonic relationships too because why wouldnt you apply the same standards to them?

[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Its not about owning it, its about who they can blame. Abusers break the victims stuff to hurt the victim or put them at a disadvantage. Abusers will break their own stuff if they can use it to manipulate the victim 'look what you made me do'. Blame shifting and manipulation through guilt, along with forcing a victim to take responsibility for the abusers emotions/actions.

They will happily break their own things if they can gain something by doing it.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Especially if they have access to disposable income and can easily replace what's broken

[–]mouthyhousewifeFDS Newbie113 points114 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Psychopaths have much more self control than this.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 67 points68 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

indeed, this reeks of entitlement and unchecked rage issues

[–]idhavetochargeFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Narcissism. And 'unchecked rage' is usually a lie. For the majority, that violent tantrum is deliberate.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Couldn't agree more, it's an intimidation tactic.

[–]Enough-IntroductionFDS Newbie58 points59 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damaging objects is a pretty effective strategy to induce fear in those who witness it. In fact it speaks against unchecked rage issues, as the violence is intentionally used in a controlled manner to intimidate others without inviting the legal consequences that harming a person would have.

Not always, sometimes it truly is uncontrolled anger. But if truly out of control, then they should harm themselves and their own objects just as much as others and their belongings. Which rarely happens, in most cases it is a calculated abuse tactic.

[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, this is actually deliberate. It's not unbridled rage or being out of control. It's intentionally done to intimidate and to demonstrate violence.

[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie100 points101 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

My ex husband’s default reaction to something he didn’t like was punching a hole in whatever wall was nearest to him. So pathetic.

[–]BBQCoolRanchQueenFDS Apprentice88 points89 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

My ex broke his hand on a stud in the wall when punching it. Instant karma.

[–]Half_HaltFDS Newbie12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can just hear it: "yOu MaDE Me brEak my HanD!"

[–]XiekoFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

God I cackled. I'm sorry you were that abusive POS but that was hilarious. I hope you're doing better.

[–]Dumb_VelvetFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

NGL I legit snorted reading that. Don’t we love karma

[–]helppleasekkFDS Newbie128 points129 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

WoMeN aRe So EmOTiOnAL

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 48 points49 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It is pathetic, isn't it? Like, communicate like a normal healthy human. Besides, I have heard that many a times they calm down almost immediately after punching something. It is as if it was all for the show and to just terrorize you into subservience.

[–]TheSuspiciousChardFDS Apprentice34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You would think that they have damage to the prefrontal cortex which regulates rational decision making and impulse control, just like the kind of damage caused by exposure to porn and explicit images... wait...

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you hit the nail on the head

[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Like a 3 year old smashing a toy because they were told No to something.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

three year old boy, little girls only stomp and pout. makes you think.

[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so fucking ridiculous.

[–]Pinklepurr1FDS Newbie21 points22 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Mine twisted his ironing board into an abstract sculpture- after I caught him swiping on tinder. He went into his bedroom. Brought the ironing board out to the living room and twisted it into pieces. Then left it there for days before throwing it away. Crazy.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

please tell me he's an ex now

[–]Pinklepurr1FDS Newbie13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

4 months of no contact. Unfortunately he is still in my thoughts daily as I miss the good parts. But he never hit me but he would pound the walls next to me while shouting at me. Threw his phone remote . Threw plates and glasses hard into sink breaking them. Overturned furniture. Told me he would hit me if I were a man. Told me he wanted to break my valuable musical instrument strapped on my back when I was leaving his house in a fight . This was all in the final month.

[–]ImChillForAWhiteGirlFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really proud of you for going 4 months NC and very glad you are safe. What you are feeling is normal. Abusers are typically charming and are good at manipulating their victim with good behavior in between violence and verbal abuse. It’s ultimately all about control, so by asking you to marry him and then breaking up with you, blaming you for everything, he knows that will confuse you and leave a possible door for him to come back some day. Stay strong, abuse does not get better or stop until he decides to get serious help for himself. It might be helpful to look into your local DV center for free/low cost counseling or checking out Lundy Bancroft’s books.

So so so glad you are safe! Take extra good care of yourself 💖

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

jesus, he didn't hit you but you rest assured he wanted to ("Told me he would hit me if I were a man"), or even if he did not why would you be with someone so hostile and destructive? imagine if kids were there to witness that. hell to the no.

This was all in the final month.

according to Why Does He Do That, it is the period when violence escalates, right before you are about to leave him.

Im glad you are safe now and that no man will ever be able to pull a stunt like that ever again.

[–]Pinklepurr1FDS Newbie7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

He actually ended it - overreacted to a joke and it spiraled into an argument where he questioned everything that I do and what matters to me and told me he was done forever. He’s single and drinking his head off (alcoholism) and trolling tinder for a date. It’s pathetic. He had been asking me to marry him days before he broke up. It’s messed my head up

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never look back. You have a wonderful life ahead of you unlike him. He can only hit the rock bottom but he doesnt have what it takes to get up. Men like him dont like going down on their own; they always have casualties. Stay safe.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 46 points47 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol, angry scrotes flagged this post as "suicidal" LOL LET ME LAUGH OUT LOUD AT YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO HURT ME

[–]JenloubakFDS Newbie32 points33 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fuck a duck. They’re so useless. Imagine having such a small dick that you have to lurk in forums so as to oppress others. Bunch of fucking losers man

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

someone feels called out. Hell, might be the scrote from the post itself, LOL

[–]BlackWidow960FDS Newbie11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I had a thing with a guy once when I was new to dating and naive who would always punch things and fly into really violent fits of rage, although he always swore he would never hit me. Then one night he flew into a random fit of rage and threaten to hit me with an object actually his exact words were (“if you touch me again I’m going to beat you with this”) and I was just trying to joke and calm him down!

and although He apologized a ton of times and swore he never would actually do it since I was furious and refused to talk with him for days, I knew right then and there I would never be safe with him. Never looked at him the same after and then (thankfully!) broke things off months after. No regrets except I wish I did sooner! Beware of a man with anger issues ladies!!

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you are not the only one who says something like "...and then he starts randomly raging" funny that. It is always random with them. Makes you think it's all for the show and they are pretty calm, they just like the expression on your horrified face.

[–]BlackWidow960FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I actually wasn’t horrified, I was furious. Then I kicked him out of the house lol. But yes I agree, he was never the calm “nice guy” he was always pretending to be.

[–]Waste-WinFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

The staff are genius

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 8 points9 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I know right? Now everyone gets to see who the weaker sex is

[–]Waste-WinFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

And we're the emotional ones, it males me laugh everytime someone says that, I work in a company were 90% of the employees are males and they're always so much drama between them.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 19 points20 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

they are the most backstabbing folks as well. The whole women are catty nonsense is their own projection. How many times do they ditch their friends for the sniff of pussy?

[–]Waste-WinFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How many times do they ditch their friends for the sniff of pussy?

This has been a problem a free times.

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

How many times do they ditch their friends for the sniff of pussy?

is this true?

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

unfortunately, yes. The 'bros be4 hoes' is a lie

[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is so true. After two of my close friends broke up with their boyfriends, at least three of the exes' so-called friends swooped in to try and have sex with them.

They have no loyalty whatsoever.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

they are only loyal to their dicks, remember that

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fortunately for us, chicks before dicks is the whole entire truth *sunglasses emoji*

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

omg,they like to pretend,otherwise,have u ever seen it?

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

heard it from the horse's mouth.

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

🤯🤯🤯🤯

[–]prettyexcitingnewsFDS Disciple19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Masterpiece.

[–]anotherone1119FDS Newbie9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hmmm idk my psycho ex husband used to punch himself in the head repeatedly. He also hit walls sooooo...it happens. 🤢

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

lmao, sorry that was just kinda funny to read.

[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice28 points29 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

To understand the frequency of DV, find out how many times the bathroom door or bathroom door lock in your rental has been repaired or replaced if the door seems newer than everything else or undamaged. But most bathroom doors in not-brand-new abodes show repairs. It's where women retreat when men start raging. Virtually every bathroom door of any place I've lived shows the scars.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I heard that those are the places woman is least safest in. Is that true? What should a woman do?

[–]ImChillForAWhiteGirlFDS Newbie12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Stay near a room with an exit outside if possible, create a code word with a friend to come pick you up/call police if things get worse, have your id, passport, keys, and phone/charger ready to go.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

and the "fuck you" money stash safely hidden somewhere.

[–]dingobat5FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh wow this was me! He broke the bathroom door twice in our apartment and once in the house he bought. Well, guest bedroom door.

That is wild that that’s an actual thing.

For the ladies who want to catch this before you ever see a man break a door, some early signs that I ignored was him telling me about his father who flew into similar rages (not always a red flag but something to pay attention to because this is often where they learn it), ripping his shirt during an argument with his parents, stories about other violent outbursts- but he was the victim so it never seemed questionable.

One such story was about being put on probation in college after he chased his then-gf down when she was having a mental breakdown and running around campus without shoes (told vaguely, and only years later do I realize that he probably provoked her into that mental state and he probably also got overly dramatic when she tried to leave - not enough for the school to suspend him for actual DV, but enough to symbolically do something (it never went on his record nor was it disclosed to the law schools he applied to). He held a grudge against his ivy alma mater for years after).

It would be pointless to write it all down here but the final straw for me should have been the first time he punched a door, or when our counselor refused to keep seeing us (which is in line with Lundy’s advice about couples counseling in abusive relationships), or when he threw a book and it hit his mom in the face.

Sometimes I miss him, but mostly I just have to tell myself it wasn’t because of anything I did and whoever he dates next will likely see some of these behaviors too...

[–]Emergency-Feed8216FDS Apprentice2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You definitely dodged a bullet. You're describing someone who will likely become more and more violent over time. Lundy Bancroft provides a kind of sketch that's easier for those in the midst of abuse to absorb. Now that you're out of immediate danger, read "The Batterer" by Donald Dutton. It's the full take and something every survivor could benefit from.

[–]dingobat5FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for saying this. I’ll definitely give that book a read. Why Does he Do That really helped me start to heal and get over him. When I’m feeling wistful about the good times, or I do something I know he’d also enjoy and I wish things could be different/I start to blame myself the way he used to blame me, I open up the book to a random chapter and wait to see how many pages I have to read before I encounter something that he used to do. I never get very many pages in.

Thank you for the book recommendation and the validation. I try to do the same whenever another user posts comments like mine reflecting on her experiences because I find validation to be such an important aspect of learning / healing from abuse. There’s always an aspect of blame shifting in these relationships it can become so engrained to blame ourselves

[–]mitzislippersFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

my brother used to put huge holes in the walls all over my grandmas house when he didn’t get his way smh they get away w this shit young cuz he ended up getting what he wanted from my folks

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

so basically he used fear to get what he wants. they (men) can control themselves, they are just taught there wont be consequences. I hate them.

[–]mitzislippersFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

YUP! now he just does whatever he wants. If I did half the shit he did I would be thrown to the curb. lol he could steal from them and destroy the house and still get $200 shoes, not me tho esp when I was a kid, they took anything expensive back if I so much got a D on my report card. he spazzes?? they scold him then give him what he wants it’s crazy. men truly get away w it.

[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This triggers me because my ex did that constantly, throwing things on the ground near me, stomping around and slammed a door into my eyebrow. I still have a nasty scar to this day. I hate that I am experiencing anxiety because of that. Thankfully I'm out before he could cause more damage to me.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never look back. Block and delete does not only apply to dating prospects, people who are in your life too. Glad you are safe now.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s actually pretty profound

[–]skyerippaFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ex actually would punch himself in the face in a fit lmao but he also ended up hitting me too so

[–]SashamorningmidnightFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When i saw this last night, i felt yuk and moved on. This morning during meditation i realised it had brought a memory back

25 years ago, my boyfriend punched a wall right next to my face. What caused this rage? He burnt the chicken in the oven and was angry at himself. Then angry at me because i didnt remind him. I stayed another month before i left him.

Years later, a boyfriend broke my fave tea mug. It had 'witches brew' written across it and made me smile every morning. He broke it because i didnt make his coffee strong enough. I waited until he left for work, got my stuff and left. He harrassed me at work the next day, 'it was just a mug'. No it wasnt just a mug, it was something that brought me joy and he couldnt stand it. He broke it to hurt me.

These two are examples from years ago. Both of them helped me understand how dangerous men like this are.

Any sign of violence, as soon as its safe for you, get the fuck out. Stay out.

[–]Reporter_ComplexFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dunno, my violent ex used to beat himself black, blue and bleeding all the time.

Used to throw himself into walls, throw himself at brick walls, even set himself on fire. I watched him beat himself unconscious with a hammer.

You have crazy, then you have crazy.

Im lucky to be alive, and to have my best friend who orchid me in my face and said "*what the fuck are you doing?!" when I almost went back after leaving.

I would have been dead.

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[–]vietnamese-bitchFDS Apprentice3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/antifeminists/comments/kgcogb/so_when_a_man_is_hurting_he_takes_it_out_on_an/

And the fragile masculinity continues. The comments lmfao. This is actually so pathetic it's hilarious. Waaaaaa how dare you make fun of me for being a fucking violent idiot and breaking things!! Waaaaaa!!

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol, we have a fangroup.

[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Obviously this is awful and completely unacceptable behavior on the part of the guy who punched the wall. But I also think it's a hilarious move for this business to not have to repair the damage.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

not only that, they exposed the man indirectly. Now every man should be ashamed of it upon entering the bathroom

[–]7CuervosFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They start with objects, walls, etc. But it very quickly switches up and they punch YOU.

I dont think any woman should stay if you see half a red flag that could point to violence.

[–]Descendant_of_InnanaFDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

bingo

[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh my gosh, I love this!

[–]PalmTreePhilosophyFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh god please one day can men who display such open issues with anger and poor emotional control please be sent on a compulsory anger management retreat? Women in workplaces should have a red flag system for men.

[–]abstractsadgurlFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a masterpiece

[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I want that!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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