As someone who has been OLD periodically since I was 17, I’ve struggled with the to ghost or not to ghost question for years.
I’ve read the FDS handbook several times and I agree that OLD is FULL of slimy guys. However, I am a shy person and I like how OLD offers me info such as age, background info, education, career, etc. Of course I’d rather find someone through mutual friends, and mutual interests, but I’m incredibly put off when men approach me in the wild. OLD offers me a safe buffer where I can vet and chat in my own time. The men you meet in the real world are most likely on the apps. OLD can show us a clearer picture of a person- when you meet a man he will adapt to you and present himself according to how he thinks you want him to behave. On tinder or bumble, he is presenting himself to the entire dating pool. He won’t cater to us individually and we will see a side of his character we may have never seen in a one on one interaction. Again, I agree that OLD can be disgusting and draining for women, but for those of us who use it, I want to share this important advice.
It’s okay to ghost. It’s okay to: -Ghost if he adds a pic that immediately turns you off. -Ghost if he misspells. -Ghost if he mentions he wants to keep the horrible pandemic mustache he grew. -Ghost if he says he’s actually 5’6 and not 6’0. -Ghost if he says he’s actually 42 and not 28. -Ghost if he confesses he has a micro penis. -Ghost him if he admits he has 2 kids.
Your time and energy is so precious! Save your consideration, patience, generosity, and magnanimity for your loved ones. Don’t spend a second placating some strange man on an app. You’re not shallow because you have preferences. We are lucky to live in a time where women can choose who to give ourselves to, and so much depends on that choice. Every time you ghost someone -and every time someone ghosts you!- is a natural part of the dating process. Don’t get bent out of shape if a man ghosts you- and don’t feel the guilt they want you to feel when you ghost.
Ghosting is a radical act of self love!