Early stages dating suspected HVM. So far he’s very keen (have distantly known each other for a long time). He’s quite demure, bookish, loves animals, intelligent, and warm.

His main flaw appears to be a lack of organisation with dating. He’s a very well established professional (I have verified this, company website, public records concerning property etc).

He dropped the ball a bit recently and I said I didn’t want to date him as he ‘made no effort’. I received requests for clarification followed by a proper apology, he wanted to discuss it on the phone, he sent me flowers, promised not to repeat his behaviour, as well as a renewed request to meet and to do better. This was not lovebombing, though it sounds like it when I put it in a list! I am convinced he was just trying to show me I mattered to him, not to overwhelm or manipulate me. He wants to come to my city to take me to dinner. I said yes but I will come back to him with possible dates (he wanted to take the day off work to travel 2 hours each way to take me out this week but I can’t).

Before we’ve even got this dinner date in the diary, he also invited me to see an expensive show that I’d love to see, as tickets are going on sale and he wants to get us some. I replied saying that I’d love to do that but cautioned ‘Maybe one thing at a time’, to which he simply replied ‘OK’. I said this partly because I don’t want to pre book two dates in advance at this stage, but mainly because he has shown me he might not be too good at time management in his personal life so I’m not about to reward him with all these engagements I’m not sure he can handle.

My question is whether I did the right thing about the second date? I feel like I’m getting really good at nexting the LVMs but need more confidence in handling the HVMs. Hence my title - how far should I push my standards, and at what point does it become self-sabotage? Should I have said yes? In my heart of hearts I think he will get the tickets anyway, and hope to secure the date when he can, knowing full well I might be busy. What do you all think?