Around the age of 4 or 5, my fam put me in dance class. When it was time for “the big move” of the recital, I just shook my head and stood still on stage. It wasn’t out of stage fright, but because I wanted nothing to do with ballet. Shortly after, I traded Swan Lake for sports and never looked back.

This is an example of how kids naturally engage in activities that interest them, (before external forces start to sway their personal preferences). Now think back to a time when YOU did something as a child solely because you wanted to, and NOT because you felt pressure from family, friends or a romantic interest. This is your true self, and where your natural passions still lie (even as an adult).

Men hold this philosophy into adulthood, and continue doing activities that gave them pleasure as kids. They don’t care if others (especially women) think that their hobby is stupid, juvenile, or a waste of time/money. They will continue doing what they love until it’s physically impossible. Once you realize this simple fact about men, it will put SO many other things in perspective.

Women in comparison, (especially at an impressionable age) are more likely to modify behavior based on the influence or negative reactions of others (especially men). In elementary school, I loved basketball until one of my boy classmates told me how nice my titties looked while I ran. I still continued to play other sports, but made sure I was minimizing bounce as much as possible. (Now imagine if you “complimented” a boy about how his junk swung around while he played basketball. He’d probably gain enough confidence to go pro!)

So how can you become a “cool” girl by learning from men? You only do the activities/hobbies you GENUINELY want to do. A “cool” girl remains true to her passions, no matter what they are. A “cool” girl is confident in her femininity, while also enjoying activities that are loved by men. A “cool” girl doesn’t care if you think her tastes are too feminine or masculine. She loves what she loves, and makes no apologies for it.

In comparison, a “cool girl” PRETENDS that she’s ok with (or enjoys) certain activities that she’s not comfortable with ONLY to please others. What’s even more sad is that soon the guy realizes you’re not really “cool” about it, but doesn’t care because you still ACT like you’re “cool with it”.

We all know how the “cool girl” story ends. A girl thinks “pick me” behavior will help land her dream guy, but grows resentful during the relationship because she wasn’t honest from the start. Meanwhile, dream guy is “shocked” when you want to break up, and “had no idea you were so unhappy”.

Main lesson: Learn how to communicate, establish boundaries early and speak up when something isn’t right. Be the “cool” girl who refuses to be treated as a “cool girl”. Knowing the difference is key.