As the title says. I finally made an account after lurking for months because I'm so bewildered by this and it's gotten me riled up. This is part experience/rant, part thank you, part discussion. I marked this NSFW because honestly that third one down brought me back to a terrible time in my life and no one else deserves that. Also I have no idea what to really flair this under, but Mindset Shift was the flair I looked at a lot when first coming to FDS so. Please feel free to change it or tell me to change it.

I was in the process of ordering flowers for myself to come on Valentines day. Something I've never done before, and have had some truly terrible valentines day experiences in the past. At my lowest pickme days, I made an elaborate gift basket full of thoughtfully chosen gifts, while that no value ex gave me some cloth corded two piece magnet necklace. Think the kind of thing you'd share with a friend as a young teen. No wrapping or anything, and flat out told me he got it "in a lootbox and its been on his nightstand since". Oh yeah... my family members told me I should be thankful he even remembered? The boyfriend before that made me chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, while I picked out specific clothing to fulfill his porn sick fantasies. If I could insert a facepalm emoji here I would. So here I am. 2/3 years later. Buying myself flowers, the first of many other gifts I have planned. I wrote myself something personal that'd mean a lot to me, but curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on the "feeling stuck" suggestions. I'm afraid of what the rest of them say. Needless to say, if any man ever buys me flowers (which he will because I love them and anyone who does deserves em), and the card comes with something like this. Out he goes! Same goes for if there's no card.

I did not even see the two, arguably worse ones below, all I read was the sweet first one, and the one which illuminated me to that movie scene. I had to google it. I wish I hadn't! It's nothing terrible, but it's still objectifying and was uncomfortable to watch. I almost want to pick a fight with the person who wrote it and posted it as a suggestion on this floral deliveries website! Maybe I'm just jaded but it seems like such a self centered excuse to buy roses! Like "Here I hope you like these flowers now i'll leave you to pluck off the petals while saying he loves me, he loves me not, before laying naked in them all for me to burst back in and jack hammer you for 2 minutes.". Not to mention you know she'd end up cleaning up all the petals and everything else. The others in the screenshot are just as bad. I cannot begin to lament on how isolated and alone I felt when laying in bed next to that asshat while he played those clicker games and I would end up rolling over, giving up on receiving any affection, and would cry myself to sleep. The fact that that scenario is a suggestion for a comment card in flowers. It makes my brain want to implode. Just goes to show that even good intentions (buying flowers) can have selfish reasoning (wanting to see you naked and hardly covered with the ripped of petals).

To conclude. Thank you so much to everyone who contributes in every way to this sub. I've lurked for a long time due to anxieties but I always read discussions and want to chime in. I hope this is a decent ice breaker. Rereading it I feel it's a bit messy, but I hope it'll do. I don't recall reading anything in the handbook about Valentines day specifically, so I'd love to know what other's opinions are. I grew up being given pharmacy chocolates and teddy bears from my father, and being told "don't expect a man to spoil you the way I do". A lot of people in my life have also told me it's just another excuse for companies to sell stuff, and make men buy things. Historical events otherwise, it's just another day, but it's one I do not have good memories on. Which this year I resolve to change! I'll do my best to post what I do for myself for Valentines day and I hope to see many more do the same!