I'm a minimalist. I voluntarily live the small home life; I own only enough clothes to fit into my antique wardrobe, which is the only storage space I have; I keep just enough on hand to live practically and comfortably. I haven't kept any of the trophies I won as a kid or student: and I sure don't seek to win competitions now.
And an argument with dudes is exactly that kind of thing.
Sure, I'll advocate a perspective at work, or I'll go to bat for a student whose work deserves better consideration or support services. But when it comes to the romantic context, I just don't argue with men.
I don't CoMmUnIcAtE, I don't try to persuade, I don't try to win over, I don't try to beat down.
Once upon a time, I was that woman: trying to plead, explain, communicate, educate, create empathy. In the calmest, clearest, most unambiguous language, I explained what I needed from my ex husband and former partners. I asked for more consideration; for longer foreplay; to go away once on holidays; to replace broken and unsafe furniture; to let me access money I put into our joint account. And I got nothing from it. I wasn't believed, because I didn't show that it was emotionally important enough to me to show emotion, yet my perspective wasn't valued because it wasn't coming from a logical place. (It would only be logical if it served their purposes, see. This kind of dude isn't studying rhetoric and reasoning; they're just lazy and selfish.)
So now, I don't argue. I widen my eyes, feign fascination - and then ghost. I don't fuckin' KNOW them anymore. I see them in the street, they are not a person to me. I leave their stuff on their front stoop, and I am gone.
What do I have to gain by arguing? Wasting my energy? Begging someone to meet my minimal needs? Keeping a parasite in my life that enjoys what I can do for them?
Nah.
The other night, I went for one date with a guy, and the following morning I got this as a reply. What kind of response do you send this? None. There's no response.
https://preview.redd.it/zybuz108k7j51.png?width=746&format=png&auto=webp&s=00c07e47a81a1543c6c919c41e089d25c6995106
You and I know this is a "kiss-off": a "polite" way of breaking things off with someone you're not attracted to. Nothing you say will change his mind: when he knows, he knows.
But let's give the benefit of the doubt and assume he wants you to change his mind, to prove him wrong. To that end: why do you want to be with someone who needs you to convince them that you're not a snob or bigot? Why is this person deserving of love or attention? (Clue: they aren't.)
What argument could I possibly make? What prize would I possibly win? A dude who needs to be goaded into a relationship who will forever feel like the desirable one?
I don't enjoy political arguing or debating. Whenever my uncle pulled his climate change denial, he'd goad me into endless arguments with shifting goalposts, insulting comments about my expertise, and continually changing burdens of proof. Now, when he tries, I look at him coldly. "It would be really sad for you if you lost contact with a loved one because you couldn't be respectful of their perspective." HOLD IT. He stops and apologises. Whenever a colleague tries inserting an inappropriate comment, just look and frown. You don't need to say anything. Be a little disgusted and convey it in your facial expression. Then turn away, and don't acknowledge them until they need something work-related.
What has it got me? Time. Precious time. Uninterrupted sleep, no risky sex, aesthetic experiences I like without compromise, and a lack of conflict and stress.
I live the minimalist life - so don't mind me if I don't clutter my home with losers. You might enjoy it too.
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