take a step back and Evaluate your family/situation growing up. A lot of behaviors and thought patterns are learned in childhood. what kind of relationship did you parents or family have?

the lightbulb came on for me the other night. even as a kid, I always have attracted a group of friends that saw me as a doormat / free therapist. many of these "friends" were manipulative. when I started dating, I would see bad behavior in men yet continue to tolerate it, give chances, make excuses, and be a pickme. even before finding FDS, I started snapping out of it but finding this sub helped me immensely.

I discovered the real root of my problem - my mom. my biological father wasnt around much, and he never wanted to be a parent or a husband. when he did come around, my mother was a huge pickme that would make herself miserable trying to please him and bend over backwards to do what he wanted and shower him with gifts to make him happy. she knew he didn't care, she knew he was a lousy person but yet she really believed that if she tried hard enough, sucked up his bad treatment, and spent her time and money trying to make him happy that eventually he would come around and treat her (and us kids) better. she would say things all the time growing up like, "Just suck it up / lets give him this gift / if you put up with him and pretend to like doing his things with him then he'll eventually start taking you to do fun things like the amusement park." She would make excuses for him and pity him "he had a lousy childhood" and "its not his fault, he doesn't know". She told me to be nice to kids that took advantage of me/picked on me because they had messed up families and that I need to be nice to them and essentially give them a pass.

From a young age I was being told to think that treating people nicely/tolerating their bad treatment would get me rewarded by them eventually "coming around" and eventually they'd treat me better.

my mom remarried but even still she tries to bend over backwards to my biological father. she still reaches out to him, buys him (too many) presents, and even invites him to the house and still supports his business (despite him overcharging her and delaying the work purposely).

when I became an adult, she started telling me that I need to reach out to my biological father. she even insisted I buy him a gift and go spend time with him for his birthday and Christmas. I finally told her off saying that I will not be reaching out or ass kissing to someone who I barely even know, that quite frankly, has never made an effort to get to know me, my entire life - and he had no excuse. now I butt heads with my mom because I tell her off - why would I want a relationship with someone that didn't want a relationship with me? She then tells me that its my fault because I don't reach out and "try" and makes excuses for my father still, "well he wants a relationship with you, its a 2 way street, he just doesn't know how."

all these years I was subconsciously putting up with some awful friends and dates because I thought subconsciously my effort and "niceness" would get me respect. I realized it wasn't working and then I found this sub.

I hope this resonates with someone in the sense that you need to evaluate things, find the source of it, so you can really forgive yourself and move forward. now I stopped being a pickme/pushover - you dont need to prove yourself and bend over backwards for respect! let this also be a lesson that if you have pickme friends it is time to cut them off or seriously distance yourself from them - the mindset is toxic and dangerous!