I know that I'm quite behind the game as season 3 is already out there and I just finished season 1 last night.

The series might not proactively promote FDS values, but it does show the consequences of NOT following FDS! So I decided to write this up just for my own musing and swore to myself why sticking to FDS rules is so important.

A twisted male mind can make the most erroneous train of thought terrifyingly convincing

A huge part of the appeal of You comes from the inner monologues of Joe Goldberg, the main stalker character from the beginning. His inner monologues sound witty, charming, and even reasonable -- in twisted crazy ways. When we get into Joe's mind as the audience, we enjoy kicking our feet up and seeing him get away with crazier and crazier things.

Those monologues are too convincing that we even forget they come from a sociopathic serial killer and stalker. Okay, the majority of normal people are not serial killers but how often do men study their own thought patterns and identify what's wrong?

From day one when he sees Beck walking into his bookstore, he starts to scrutinize, overanalyze and make up stories about her to the farthest corner of his imagination. He becomes obsessed and overly controlling with her. He keeps telling himself that he wants to protect her. It’s not love, it’s obsession and revenge against women.

In addition, positions of authority and wealth also allow men to get away with plenty of shitty things. Take Ron, an abusive parole officer who beats Claudia up, or Benji the popular hedge fund baby fuckboy. They don't miss a chance to waste a woman's time, ruin her life and fuck her up royally.

Beck does a LOT of things against FDS rules (and this doesn't end well for her)

I find Beck relatable and likable at tthe beginning of the series. A young and pretty twenty-something graduate student living in NYC, having a fun social life with a group of girlfriends, flirting with guys and grappling with the millennial struggle of finding her place in the world. All fun and games until we take a closer look at her life.

Beck is intelligent, creative, dedicated to her goals and loyal to her friends, but deep down she is insecure, disoriented, reckless and lacking self-respect. Her behavior screamed pickme to me so much that I found myself rolling my eyes and sighing out loud "oh my god" several times:

  • She chooses to stick around with Benji when he lies to her face, gaslights her to make her question her judgment, laughs at her behind her back and doesn't want to commit
  • She plunges herself into easy casual sex with random guys just to forget Benji, which in turn makes her self-esteem drop even lower
  • She hastily gets into a relationship with Joe without questioning the unlikely coincidences and vetting him to understand his past
  • She continues to have a hot and cold relationship with Joe even after she knows that he stalks her
  • She has emotional outbursts that prevent her from explaining her opinions thoroughly and cohesively, which in turn gives Joe more ammo that she is weak and unstable and needs his "protection"
  • She has no moral when it comes to loyalty and fidelity in a romantic relationship with rampant cheating

If Beck knew how to choose the people to spend her life around more carefully, she wouldn't have had such a tragic ending. Certainly, she doesn't deserve the worst outcome because of her flaws, but it's a domino effect in place.