A bit about me: older woman, 53, twice married for 25 years. Widowed 2016, so on my own. Haven't tried to date; mostly haven't had time when I was working full time with a commute, then pandemic, then a couple of moves, loss of my dad this past August, starting a new job. Life has been busy.

Partly I just want to go on a date, because I haven't in about 30 years! I'm passively on OLD, but not surprisingly, nothing has happened. I match pretty regularly; I chat, and they're either too far away, and want a situationship (no), or if they're around here, meh whatever. Looks don't appeal, and/or we don't have anything in common.

However, all that said, I'm wondering if I'm at all approachable, and I think the answer is no, not at all, not remotely -- and I've worked super hard my whole life on being that way. Partly 50+ years of living in a female body, and wanting to avoid harassment, especially when I was much heavier; partly having been married for 25 years. I keep my eyes to myself, never smile out in public, mind my own business, walk quickly, and keep RBF on.

I also wonder if that unapproachability has to do with attitude? I'm very much more "one in myself" these days, especially after menopause. I know myself, inside and out. I'm extremely content with my own company. And I'm established financially; own my own home; am comfortable. I've gotten my education, traveled extensively, had life experience. I wonder if somehow, men pick up on all that, just like some of them seem to have an unerring radar for those times when a woman is sick, distracted, or just off in her own thoughts, to try to approach? It's all about power, seeing an opportunity. Maybe I just don't present any opportunity, any vulnerablity? If so, then I'm glad.

I have also noticed that being post-menopausal, I don't give off those pheromones; I'm pH neutral, and I wonder if that also is a subtle indication of "lack of fertility" or lack of hormones. I look younger than my age, but the body doesn't lie. I'm past childbearing age (hooray), and I don't "smell young", as funny as that sounds.

That said, how DOES one become even slightly more approachable out in the wild, esp to HVM? The introvert side of me just sighs in dejection thinking of joining groups to meet people, to be honest. I'm in one group, and once the pandemic eases, we'll be able to do a lot more. I could maybe see one or two more groups, maybe a board game or card game group.