~ archived since 2018 ~
[–]themissdaydreamerFDS Disciple60 points61 points62 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to feel like that in my last relationship. I could feel I was on constant masculine mode, not because I wanted to, but because my ex would never build a safe place for me to tune in my feminine energy. I'd never feel like a woman around him. Hell, sometimes it felt like I was the man in the relationship and he couldn't even bother. That's why is so important to trust our gut and pay attention to the energy we're giving and receiving.
[–]MagpieMelonFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here. He paid for everything and tried to act like he was a man, but in reality I felt like I was doing all the work. He got drunk (hadn’t drunk in 3 years because he didn’t like it, but because I was having a small drink he decided to get wasted) and I ended up looking after him because he couldn’t even walk straight.
Emotionally I was doing all the work, being there for him and making him feel better. He told me that he was normally really nervous around girls but that I was different and he wasn’t nervous at all around me, yet he couldn’t even touch me unless I initiated it.
After I realised that I was basically becoming his mum, and that there was no way I would have normally agreed to go out with him (I was in a vulnerable position and felt forced into it), I broke it off and I’m so glad I did.
[–]FuturePigeonFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm so exhausted.
Exhausted from figuring out why he's so quiet. Exhausted from finding out that he's worried about his car, exhausted from researching what it could be because he's too afraid to research himself in case it's expensive. Exhausted from finding the best way to recommend an OMB scanner compatible with his make/model and where he can buy it, but doing it without emasculating him. Exhausted from figuring out that he probably didn't put his gas cap on right which led to an evaporation warning, exhausted from being right about it. Exhausted from hearing that it's only one problem out of the many that he doesn't tell me about but I still get to suffer from the blowback of moody mornings and fussy evenings.
I don't need him to pay him to pay my bills - I make more than he does anyway. I just need him to be the fucking protagonist in his own life and steer the ship of his problems. I'm more angry with myself than with him. 21 years ago, I looked for a man to help rather than solving my own problems. After two degrees, a strong career (and recent promotion), and go-go dancing on weekends - I've realized that we never helped each other up, he just wanted someone to wallow with. When I mentioned continuing education for costume design, he immediately started complaining that I wouldn't be at home as much.
Last week, I cancelled couple's therapy. I'm going to individual therapy on my own, and hope he can keep up. Truly I love the man for many reasons, but I'm tired of carrying him across the finish line. Act like a man, or do the right thing and move out.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist[S] 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was exhausting to read, pun intended. Good luck to you. I hope you do get that continuing education. A career AND go-go dancing? I miss doing that.
[–]Itchy-TransportationFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What does he mean by "a place where I'm seen and not heard"?
Other than that I agree 100%. We open up naturally when we're in a safe and supportive environment. Anytime we feel uncomfortable opening up to a man, it's because on some level we don't feel safe and are attempting to override that survival instinct.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist[S] 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ha I read that over and over to try and make it make sense. She definitely lost me there too.
[–]AsbelowsoabovemeFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s a high value man’s job in a relationship to make his lady feel safe and secure enough to be feminine. Being feminine is an inherently vulnerable state, because it’s a harsh man’s world and a feminine woman gets taken advantage of if she doesn’t put on a tough facade.
[–]butterflymeadowzzFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow. This is speaks loudly to me.
[–]missliberiaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have felt like this at work and I have felt like this in relationships. I finally have a beautiful human being in my life who makes me feel safe. This hit really close to home, though.
[–]Ms_TillyRuthless Strategist[S] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad you found one of the rare ones. It's hard to believe any exist so I love seeing comments and posts proving they do.
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