For context I've always had bad luck when it came to relationships. I'm freshly 23 and this was the first serious relationship I've had since high school ( if you count that ). He was a LVM, less attractive than me by a lot, still lived at home and at my age it wasnt too much of a problem but the reason why was. He blew all his money, his parents still babied and spoiled him. He had a DUI with a blow and go and still had to go out drinking almost every night. Those obvious red flags I chose to ignore and then others came creeping up and I ignored those as well. We were friends first and the idea of more seemed easy to me because I was already comfortable with him.
He was so nice to me at first, literally treated me like a princess. He was the one who wanted to make things serious. I waited a little and then we decided we were going to make things official. It was great for a little but even for a new relationship it didnt last long at all. Quickly it became him ditching our plans last minute all the time. If I got upset it was my fault because he always had an excuse. I started to become insecure because we worked the same job lived in the same town so hanging out a couple times a week wasn't like it was a hard thing to do because we had similar schedules. But he didnt want that. There would be weeks where we wouldn't hang out because he always had an excuse. I had my own place too so at the time I didnt expect much I just wanted to see him even if it was only for a couple hours but that became too much.
He would constantly complain that he needed to be able to hang out with his friends and that he didnt need to see me everyday because that's not what he needed in a relationship and I needed to be okay with that. My problem was I didnt need to see him everyday either I had friends too but the constant ditching me last minute for plans we made became too much. I started to feel crazy, insecure, and depressed. When he ditched our plans he never bothered to make new plans and I started to sit there wondering if and when I'd see him again. He started to ignore me at work and flirt with other girls in front of me. His reasoning? Well he wanted to stay professional at work now.
The last straw was when I was going through something very horrible he kept doing this and went to hang out with his friend the day before he left for vacation without bothering to ask me if I was free even though he knew I was going through something and he was going to be leaving. Fast forward on vacation I was talking to him about it and started an argument and he told me basically to fuck off he was trying to enjoy himself. So I broke up with him.
When he got back we got together in person and talked about it. I told him my feelings and APOLOGIZED for breaking up with him. I was super nice to him when we worked together and then stupidly I decided to give him another chance because he seemed so sorry and I thought I loved him. The first week of us back together was amazing. He kept telling me he loved me and we had so much fun together. But then the old behaviors came out full force and worse than ever. I remember the one time we were supposed to hang out was after our shift together and I brought it up and he goes oh yeah I picked up an early shift I cant without bothering to tell me before i asked even though we had plans.
He said "we can hang out another day." And all I said was "I hope something doesn't come up." And that set him off. He refused to speak to me. Turns out he didnt have to work that shift anymore and we could have still hung out but didnt bother to tell me. So I called him and apologized and asked if he still wanted to hang out. He was angry said no and was already on his way home. I legit begged him to come over apologized so much for that statement and in hindsight I shouldn't have. He refused saying he didnt want to see me after that.
Fast forward he was still ditching me of course and everytime he did I started to fight him on it. I was really starting to feel depressed and insecure. I kept wondering what was wrong with me that he could barely give me his time? My roommates even asked me if we were still dating because he was never around. One day mid argument he texted me telling me he was done. I kept texting him because I didnt realize he meant with the relationship but just the argument and he ignored them all until the next day telling me didnt reply because he was done with our relationship. My pathetic self begged for him back apologized so much for arguing with him and he made it seem like it was all my fault.
He told me maybe we should just take a break because he still loves me and we just need to get over us fighting all the time. I thought I loved this guy so much and I was so hopeful. A few days later after not speaking to him I texted him about this "said break" basically my feelings on it and how I felt maybe taking a month long break wouldnt do anything and that maybe we should try working this out. He never responded. I texted him two days later and asked him what was up and he literally told me he wasnt reading these messages because he was trying to have a good time with his friends.
That my friends was the wake up call I needed. He said those words before when I was going through something bad and he said them again when he gave me a fake idea of a possibility of fixing our relationship. There was nothing to fix this relationship was dead from the beginning. He only cared about himself and he treated me like a doormat and the worst part was I let him. I let him walk all over me and he took full advantage. I never replied to that and for some reason he hates me now. Will refuse to acknowledge me at work and has talked badly about me. It hurt for a while. I felt so ashamed and so stupid. But clarity set in.
Being without him made me realize how unhappy and depressed I was when I was with him. I hated myself and cried all the time when we were together. I had anxiety all the time. Now I feel so free. Sometimes I miss him but then I realize quickly I dont actually miss him I miss the person I thought he was. And the biggest thing I've taken from this is to never ever let a guy walk all over me again. And if I have to literally beg a guy for his time then I dont want his time.