If a man tells you he won't put in effort, he won't.

Bellaskywalker1 · 2021-02-12T03:40:35+00:00

Wow reminds me of my ex-husband he used that excuse to never get me anything for Valentines Day and he even missed his first born son first birthday. Saying he didn’t celebrate birthdays.

Affectionate-Cut-460 · 2021-02-12T00:40:59+00:00

So all i'm hearing is that men want to be treated by their gf like a son but when it's one day of the year where it's their turn to reciprocate, suddenly they conveniently become a woke "anti-conseumerist" hippy for 24hrs

Tiffglamour · 2021-02-12T04:34:30+00:00

I agree. Men who want to set low expectations but still have access to you for sex and your emotional labor etc will try to maintain a connection but also lower your standards and expectations. When a man really likes you and wants a future with you, he will always want to see you happy and always make an effort. He will do his best to impress you. This is like Nature 101, even birds and insects understand this lol

dembar126 · 2021-02-12T01:24:30+00:00

Same with "I'm bad at calling/texting" or "I'm not ready for a relationship yet".

He's not bad at texting or calling his dream girl, he's just bad at texting/calling you.

He isn't "not ready for a relationship" with his dream girl, just with you.

It's not that he doesn't care about Valentine's day, he just doesn't care about it when it comes to you. His dream girl would be getting spoiled.

dancedance_83 · 2021-02-12T03:46:52+00:00

Tia Mowry’s (an actress I adore) husband was a struggling actor and broke when they first got together and he spent his last $5 his paycheck to buy her flowers “just because” he knew she loved flowers and wanted to make her feel special.

Dude can make it work if he knows you like/want to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Don’t let him put words in your mouth talking about “you don’t need it” / “it’s cheesy” etc. If it matters to you, it matters to you

girludontbringhome · 2021-02-12T02:22:47+00:00

I feel badly for any woman who is in the “talking phase”, early stage of a relationship, and/or has a shitty LVM partner especially around Valentine’s Day. There’s so much anticipation about whether or not he will do something, or whether or not he will dump you (lots of breakups happen on or around Valentine’s Day). Being completely single and not talking to anyone is honestly one of the best positions you can be in on Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to rely on another person to meet or exceed your expectations, you can just do whatever is enjoyable to you on that day!

frogchickenhorse · 2021-02-12T04:06:10+00:00

I’m so glad I’m single

PearlEarringGirl · 2021-02-12T04:35:25+00:00

ok, now, the other side of the coin, what would you think about a guy who does nice things for you and tells you "I'm not usually like this" (paying for your meals, opening doors). It rubs me the wrong way because I feel like it's not their nature to do it (or like they know it's something nice to do but still usually choose not to do those things)

Chubby-Lovie · 2021-02-12T00:23:11+00:00

But in a month he will give you shit for celebrating women's day and not men's day

warinmymind94 · 2021-02-12T03:28:55+00:00

let me also add, for the record, he has NO excuse.

money's tight for him? okay. Aldi has flower bouquets for $3.99 and chocolates for $2 to $4.99. NO. EXCUSE.

BiscuitWoof · 2021-02-12T00:58:43+00:00

Cowardly scrotes always hide behind the excuse ‘you shouldn’t need Valentine’s Day to treat your SO well! It shouldn’t be one day, it should be every day’.

Every day: Treats SO like crap.

Twolipz_78 · 2021-02-12T00:56:24+00:00

Or that birthdays aren’t that big of a deal just because that’s how he grew up. That ain’t got shit to do with me, buddy boy!

WatermelonSugar47 · 2021-02-12T00:03:14+00:00

[deleted]

warinmymind94 · 2021-02-12T03:27:20+00:00

flashbacks to last year when I was still getting and entertaining texts from a clown that told me "You celebrate that hallmark nonsense? its just a BS holiday made up to try to get me to buy shit you dont need!"

I'm glad I started deleting and blocking lvm's, guys should be buying you gifts and celebrating things with you.

alwaysonalongtrip · 2021-02-12T00:44:28+00:00

Think about what women who don’t gaf about sports do for the super bowl. I’d cater a party for my man w no complaints. It would be fun to do something nice.

MonicaLSolis · 2021-02-11T23:49:43+00:00

It is the default that you should give your significant other something special for Valentines Day. Does he live under a rock? It's a very common social custom

essetea · 2021-02-12T07:54:01+00:00

Any ideas for what I can do on valentines day to get through the day? Its an important day for me but nothing nice is going to happen for me on that day 😕

chokkolate · 2021-02-12T13:35:35+00:00

I love the ones that will go through the political route. "Those dates are commercial, capitalist, I choose not to be a part of it". Yeeeeah, right.

2021-02-12T01:06:16+00:00

I bet they’d do something for their dream girl

Aphor1st · 2021-02-12T02:55:29+00:00

Am I the weird one here. This is 💯what I say about Valentine’s Day. I hate it it’s such a stupid holiday. I told my BF this when we got together that I just don’t do it. Though, with his usual (so far) HVM attitude he told me last night that he got me something for Valentine’s Day and not to be mad lol.

s_slayer · 2021-02-12T01:45:25+00:00

My bf is an exception. He told me last week that he isn’t going to buy me anything on V-day because he thinks it’s a silly day and I don’t care because I hate commercial holidays too. We’ve both spent too many alone and it’s sad for a lot of people. He is so giving and generous with me on a daily basis and would do anything for me. My exes on the other hand were generally selfish and neglectful so to receive nothing on V-day was just salt on the wound. It’s like wow, so even when it’s in your face that women like romance and thoughtful gestures you can’t muster up an ounce of motivation to at least book a restaurant or send a bouquet? Even a box of chocolates? Nope, I can’t remember the last time I got anything for V-day. My bf just spent a month taking care of me while I was bedridden with covid. Did everything for me. I could barely walk to the bathroom. I don’t need a gift after all he did for me. He’s also a terrible gift giver, he’s more of a service person all the way. For the record, I didn’t get him anything for Christmas except a cheap shirt and a bar of soap. We’re just not gift-y people.

noodlepoodle123 · 2021-02-12T03:53:39+00:00

Same when men say “EverY DAy is VALentInES dAy bAbe” to avoid doing anything special / spending money on you that day. They’re the ones who will spend thousands of dollars on their gaming setup but all of a sudden become anti consumerism when it’s your birthday. “I don’t even spend that much on myself!” They say. If they can’t even treat you on Valentine’s Day, they’re not gonna treat you to an engagement ring either.

alicabshd · 2021-02-12T12:40:00+00:00

Lmao.

My boyfriend has been laid off for 6 months. He got me a damn standmixer for Christmas (along with a ton of other gifts) not the cheap ones either, the $700+ one! (I really wanted one) My birthday is 4 days before valentines day and this man told me not to expect much and then spoiled the absolute shit out of me. As one of the gifts he made me an entire personalized photo album that he must have spent days making... I literally cried.

If he wants to, he will.

joyfullsoul · 2021-02-12T03:37:39+00:00

Truer words have never been spoken.

yourscreennamesucks · 2021-02-12T05:50:46+00:00

Bonus scrote points if his "baby mama's" bday is also Feb. 14.

petitpoupee · 2021-02-12T21:07:40+00:00

Ladies. When I asked my older sister if she and her husband were going to do something for V day, she told me that she wasn’t in the mood for it and that it’s always Valentine’s Day in her marriage. Her husband came home later and told her that he made reservations in a restaurant for sunday. She didn’t even asked him if they had plans for Valentines day. If he wanted to, HE WOULD.

gxga · 2021-02-12T08:00:07+00:00

I'm shook because the accuracy here is too sharp. And some of us just don't get it till we see it.

zwartehinde · 2021-02-12T07:57:48+00:00

Some guy I was talking to last year said this to me. I tried to explaaaaaaaaaaaaain to him how important it was to me that my partner celebrates it with me because all my exes didn’t (I was pickme but starting to get my voice after finding FDS). And he was like... oooohh I don’t want to deal with all the crazy people and restaurants being busy I’d rather just get you flowers, make you a nice bath at home etc.

I said, “no, you’re not listening to me. I want to celebrate it with somebody together, out in the world. Flowers and a nice bath are just another regular day for me. Byyyyyyyyyye”

He still doesn’t understand why I stopped talking to him.

fleuretpomme · 2021-02-12T13:51:15+00:00

[deleted]

Waste-Win · 2021-02-12T13:08:52+00:00

My bf and I don't celebrate Valentine's day, yet He bought me a bracelet (which He gave me in advance because couldn't wait) and planned a date at my house.

Efficient_Wealth6628 · 2021-02-12T05:59:39+00:00

I agree with him (& I’m a married hetero female) Everyone should live like everyday is Valentine’s Day !!! My hubby & I did & neither of us ever felt slighted. Valentine’s Day is a rip-off to every hard working individual & unless you’re super wealthy, rarely can anyone live up to the hype. If we saw something we thought the other would like, we encouraged them to buy it for themselves or we would buy it for each other later. Married for 36+ Yrs & still take romantic trips as many times as possible throughout the year. 😊❤️❤️

RantingLS · 2021-02-12T08:35:19+00:00

Sometimes I disagree with FDS and I can’t express why. I suppose I fall under this category of not celebrating Valentine’s Day. I’m just not bothered about gifts, but I’ll give them on the big holidays. I’ll still ask my partner if they do Valentine’s Day and I’ll celebrate it if they do, but saying that my last BF loved Valentine’s Day and he turned out to be the absolute worst.

2021-02-13T01:20:16+00:00

It’s just a nice day for women - why is that such a problem for these losers? Say happy Valentine’s Day plan something special and buy a gift. The effort will make us smile what is wrong with that? Why wouldn’t they want to make us smile.

WatermelonSugar47 · 2021-02-12T14:24:05+00:00

[deleted]

TubbyMink · 2021-02-12T11:18:58+00:00

Disagree.

Valentine’s Day is just a way to get you to spend money. Don’t focus on one trivial day as a make it and break it.

I only care about birthdays. It would by hypocritical to put a different standard onto someone else.

Title	If a man tells you he won't put in effort, he won't.
Author	WatermelonSugar47
Upvotes	3078
Comments	114
Date	February 11, 2021 11:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-a-man-tells-you-he-wont-put-in-effort-he-wont.742327 https://theredarchive.com/post/742327
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lhy6tx/if_a_man_tells_you_he_wont_put_in_effort_he_wont/