If he has to think about why he loves you, he doesn’t love you.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-11-07T02:04:27+00:00

Also beware of men who list things you do for them. When they say things like: because she cooks for me, she does my laundry, she books all my appointments etc. Huge red flag 🚩

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-11-07T03:18:40+00:00

I think the scene in the swan princess captures this best:

'"i love you, you're all I've ever wanted -you're BEAUTIFUL"

"thankyput, but what else?"

"....What else is there?" 🤦‍♀️👎👎👎👎👎👎

That movie is hysterical in the first half, it just calls everything out in a musical montage and it:s the best.

Hortensia78 · 2021-11-07T10:02:18+00:00

My ex told me, after I insisted to know what he loved/liked about me: "I like it that you love me so much." That was the end of the relationship for me. I stayed for another while but I knew he was not the man for me.

thenonblueone · 2021-11-07T02:53:04+00:00

Also beware of men who say they love you because you're "nice" or "kind and caring". If a man loves you, his explanation should not be a list of adjectives.

This also extends to compliments. If someone only ever praises you for your appearance or for what you do for them, they are not the one.

I once dated a man that always made a point of telling me that he found me pretty and liked the way I dressed. At first I was quite pleased - I genuinely felt happy that he liked me "for me". Over time I wondered if there was anything else he liked about me beyond my physique, so I asked him. This man, who had told me on multiple occasions that our times together were the best moments of his life, paused. After some reflection he told me that I was thoughtful, caring and that he could trust me to always look after him. We didn't last long after this.

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2021-11-07T04:44:43+00:00

And if you have to ask him if he even likes you, then you should just shut up, turn around, and get away from him. If after asking that question, you're still there and he just stares at you with cold fish eyes saying nothing, you should definitely stay together for 10 more years. Just kidding. You should also grab any animals or children before escaping.

pompommom31 · 2021-11-07T03:44:25+00:00

My ex told me he loved me like I was one of his children. Seriously. What he was ‘trying’ to say when I bewilderingly replied, WTF, was he loved me unconditionally. A) no you don’t and B) ew. So I’m like your child…..paging Freud…👀

Doingmybestinlife · 2021-11-07T06:30:41+00:00

Or, if all the reasons why he loves you revolve around himself 🙃 “you listen to me, you care for me, you make me feel good” etc

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-07T15:07:27+00:00

Same goes for you. I was friends with someone for a decade and for the longest time I didn’t even like him. He’s actually why I’ve made the switch to block people out of my life mentally and physically who don’t make me happy or think well of them. Frankly I thought I was just a heartless witch.

Live-Werk-Pose · 2021-11-07T08:57:26+00:00

Asked my ex narcissistic boyfriend why he loved me and his answer was “well, you speak English and you look good enough…” LOL. At some point he finally admitted he thought I was better than him so he had to put me down to keep me with him, you know, so I wouldn’t think I deserved better. Happy to report his plan failed. Took a lot of therapeutic work but now I know I don’t need any person to validate me.

International-Air424 · 2021-11-07T04:25:06+00:00

Out of curiosity, what are 'good' compliments from men? As a real question.

I get compliments from dudes on my intelligence or clever sense of humor pretty often. But, those are also the two things that turn my shitty males into jealous and manipulative ass clowns. So, now I'm weary of men who come on to me on the premise of enjoying my personality in general.

So, what kinds of compliments aren't red flags?

Title	If he has to think about why he loves you, he doesn’t love you.
Author	exhalefierceness
Upvotes	406
Comments	26
Date	November 7, 2021 12:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qoctn6/if_he_has_to_think_about_why_he_loves_you_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-he-has-to-think-about-why-he-loves-you-he.1085519 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085519