~ archived since 2018 ~

If he says Not All Men, he is exactly That Kind of Man.

March 15, 2021

As we have all noticed, the #NotAllMen brigade have come out in full force after the murder of Sarah Everard by a male police officer. I usually ignore men's mouth garbage but today I am fed up and angry and I have a couple things to say.

  1. Not all men, well, obviously. No one is saying that every single man on the planet is a predator. Not all men - that goes without saying. So why do they feel the need to say it? Oh right, to derail the conversation and attempt to silence women who are courageous enough to speak up about the violence that men have inflicted upon them. Why are they so angry and afraid to hear women speaking up? Because they are exactly that kind of man. Not to mention they never emotionally/psychologically developed past age 4 because clearly, everything needs to be about them and if it's not, they'll throw a tantrum.
  2. "Not all men". But when I say I refuse to date a man that watches porn that may or may not be rape, beats his dick to girls who look not a day over 15 years old, etc., etc., then it's "all men do that" and "you're going to end up alone if you don't lower your standards". Which is it boys? You can't have it both ways. Your mental gymnastics fool no one.

"Not all men" who gives a shit. As far as I'm concerned, every man is a potential predator until proven otherwise. Because I value my heart, my body, and my life more than any man's feelings.

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[–]Apricot_IbexFDS Newbie 78 points79 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I know it's not identical, but the "Good Guys" expect an insane amount of praise for extending basic human courtesy to women, which reminds me quite a bit of the "white savior" thing. Being halfway decent to a person of a different sex or race/ethnicity is just a baseline expectation for all human beings and doesn't deserve accolades.

People screaming "not all [whatever]" usually still have a big chip on their shoulders, even if they don't parade it around like the more overt sexists/racists. Otherwise, why take it so personally? Why not speak out against the offending societal behavior in question instead of just saying "it's not me, not my problem"? We already know it's "not you." Same guys who say "I'm an iNdiVidUaL, not a shEePLe" will negatively stereotype ALL woman alllllll day long.

[–]kaoutanuFDS Apprentice 42 points43 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Same guys who say "As a husband / father to a daughter..."

Right so if you hadn't got married or had a daughter, you wouldn't have been as concerned about how half the population are treated??

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It always infuriates me when men say that. "As a father to a daughter..." So it took you have offspring to realize that women are human beings? Do they men not know that it was a woman who gave birth to them?

[–]SeaNegotiation8FDS Apprentice 40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“I don’t abuse and harass women because I have a daughter, a wife, and a mother. Otherwise I totally would.”

  -All men. Every last one of them. 

[–]ariadn3-268FDS Newbie 24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I really, really, really hate it when men claim to be feminists because of their daughters. Like, what about the mother of your child? Was she not enough to convince you to respect women, or is your ego so massive that you don't see the point of respecting girls and women until your genes get passed down to one?

[–]dembar126FDS Newbie 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Like, what about the mother of your child? Was she not enough to convince you to respect women

Uhh?? But he fucks her? You expect him to be able to fuck her and respect her at the same time? Lol wow women have such insane expectations from men.


[–]fogplumFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know you're being sarcastic, but genuinely, most men are so psychologically damaged that they are incapable of respecting someone they they fuck/want to fuck.

[–]FastCardiologist6128FDS Newbie 45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What they mean is: "All men are animalistic visual creatures who only see women as sex objects and are manipulative nimphomaniacs and it's expected that any guy that is nice to you and talks to you only wants sex from you, if you expect a dude to have actual empathy and feelings of care and concern for others, your standards are too high you'll end up alone. But not all men are killers and rapists, those are bad illegal things to do and we aren't all criminals, we are only twisted, entitled, arrogant, man children that will probably try to degrade you in bed and belittle you in public, but we wouldn't kill or rape anybody in a dark alley, that's wrong"


[–]fogplumFDS Newbie[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right...they think if they're not violently raping women in alleyways, they're good guys. No.

[–]brylm92FDS Newbie 82 points83 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Let's be real, the truth in both these situations is that it is the majority of men. The majority of men watch porn and the majority of men are predators. Yep, I said it. One can't be without the other.

They know this but manipulative the narrative in their favour. One frames the minority they want to be perceived to be apart of, one frames the majority to detract attention from how slimy and unacceptable their individual behaviour is. Anything to avoid any blame, introspection or growth.

[–]fogplumFDS Newbie[S] 12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Well said.

[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice 30 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

in a TRP forum they were scoffing at the statistic 1 in 10 women are raped (I believe it's 1 in 4). they will swear up and down it's all fake accusations. I think the vast majority of men either give no thought to our well being or are actively working against it.

[–]dembar126FDS Newbie 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They know r*pe happens, they just think we all deserve it for having the audacity to turn men on and then not let him fuck, so it doesn't count as a crime.

They think when a man gets turned on it's his RIGHT to fuck us, and us saying no is emotionally damaging so therefore r*pe is justified and can't be considered illegal. I've literally seen them say this almost word for word.

Also we go around purposely making men want to fuck us or seducing them, so that we can later accuse them of r*pe in order to feel powerful and "pull one over on them".

They literally think this. They think the high number of r*pe accusations is because WOMEN are evil, not men.

[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

1 in 3 women experience physical sexual violence and abuse in their lifetime. Including rape

[–]PartypuppersFDS Apprentice 46 points47 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

To be honest yes it is all men.

Let me explain. Not every man may be a sexual predator, a rapist or murderer. We know HVM exist in the world, however rare. However, all men (even the good ones) benefit from the atmosphere of fear and oppression created by the violent and perverse men. That's called the patriarchy. And all women are affected by this.

All men benefit from the patriarchy, because they automatically become the dominant class when, due to their violence, their female counterparts are subjugated and oppressed under (what I'm sure for most women feels like) an omnipresent threat of rape, murder, harassment, trauma or otherwise any other gender-based indignity.

Furthermore, how many women feel compelled to stay in relationships that may not the most optimal for them and their needs because the bar is so low and their partner doesn't hit them, cheat on them or sexually abuse them? This is the bare minimum and the good guys benefit from appearing as one of the 'good guys™' because for women, the alternatives are awful. I repeat: even the good men benefit from the violence of their male counterparts because they get to come in and position themselves as 'the better option', even if what they are offering is the bare minimum of being a decent person and partner.

Additional commentary: I hope this will slowly change as more women become educated and start earning their own money and start raising their standards. I really believe we're doing important cultural work at FDS by raising our standards and decentering men from our lives.

Left field thought: It will also be interesting, scanning way ahead into the future, as to whether exoskeleton technology will become more wearable and mainstream. The tech is clunky at the moment but can you image a world where women can wear a suit that makes them just as strong as men? I think it could be revolutionary in mitigating the risks of being overpowered and sexually assaulted. If it happens you read it here first ladies!

[–]spinsterchachkiesFDS Disciple 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with everything you said. I invested in a company that makes that makes exoskeleton tech. I really hope it takes off

[–]MomoBalsaminaFDS Newbie 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'll piggyback this comment to say that a vast majority of those "good men" (no cheating, no sexual / mental abuse as "I'm a good man") that benefit from our fear, still protect the ones that they know do that to women.

I'm yet to see a man tell me about a friend / male peer that was abusive towards a woman when I'm so used to hear women tell they have been abused.

How is possible that with all that abuse NO MAN know another man who did that?

[–]fogplumFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've had men I went out with not want me to meet certain friends of theirs - because they know their friends are predators and don't want to subject me to their depraved behavior. Then when I question "so why are you friends with him?" it's all "oh he's a good guy other than that" "he's a great friend". They'll acknowledge their friends are predators and then make excuses for them.

[–]fds_account58 45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Legally it is important that people are innocent until proven guilty (although in some cases the US legal system at least protects violent criminals more than innocent victims). In my mind and when it comes to how I treat men, they are guilty until proven innocent.

[–]papadanku42 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They know their privelege, but they will waste your time tone policing and being offended. Meanwhile, their friends are spouting about how "women do _" and "women are _" but would NEVER correct them to say not ALL women. Why, you may ask ? Because it doesn't benefit them.

Men want us to adapt our language so the "good ones" don't feel attacked. Like sir if you feel attacked by statements like "men benefit from the patriarchy" I don't even know where to start w you, dismiss yoself.

[–]relationship_redditFDS Newbie 13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so stupid when they say not all men. Like... no shit. Nobody thinks that literally all men do anything.

[–]dancedance_83 9 points10 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

What about women who say Not All Men?

[–]papadanku42 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Brands of pickmeism...

"MY bf could never!" Or "MY brother doesn't". Ok girl i'm sure your bf and brother are avid SJWs and in no way contribute to r**e culture and sexism and in no way benefit from the patriarchy.

"NOt AlL mEn" in insta and reddit comments. Did he pick you yet?

Or the gentle "oh well idk if it's quite like that" or "oh that's a bit extreme". Aka you have confronted me with something I know to be true and see the men in my life doing but I don't have the strength to call them out and prefer to live in cognitive dissonance rather than being without said men.

[–]dancedance_83 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see it a lot in the gaming community. They want to date these crusty streamers because they’re famous on Twitch but can’t take care of themselves in real life. They after time has passed then they’re like “wahhh my streamer ex was a horrible boyfriend, these guys don’t deserve girlfriends.... but not all gamers are like that”

Which gamers? The ones who ignored you or the ones that pay money for you to wear pig tales and take ass pics? Which is it?

[–]IndividualRoutine661FDS Newbie 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Handmaidens are worse than LVMs because there’s no way they haven’t experienced harassment and assault yet they still go in to bat for the status quo.

[–]fogplumFDS Newbie[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't even bother engaging. Women who care more about protecting men's feelings than supporting their fellow women are not for me.

[–]Kylie_FanFDS Newbie 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Like Lauren Southern in her latest video? She just repeated all the "safety tips" we've practiced for an entire lifetime and derided women's outrage at having to constantly take all these precautions. She aaaaaaaalmost gets it, she comes real close, but never quite makes that final step: if men didn't behave violently we wouldn't need all those safety tips.

Don't watch her video if you haven't seen it. It will ruin your day and make your blood boil. How someone can be such a handmaiden is beyond me...

[–]dancedance_83 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Who is Lauren Southern?

[–]Kylie_FanFDS Newbie 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hoo boy.. she's this alt right youtuber, white nationalist ...

[–]dancedance_83 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

** laughs in Black woman **

[–]FrozenExpanseThrowaway Account 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not ALL men, but ALWAYS the men who say, "not all men."

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