~ archived since 2018 ~

If something feels wrong, don't ignore it

September 4, 2020
609 upvotes
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[–]BananawatercreamFDS Newbie53 points54 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

True. Lot of times, we ignore that intution or bad feeling, saying "oh, I can't possibly ditch him for ONLY that." . And 2 weeks later that becomes an even bigger red flag, he ignores your boundaries the third and the fourth time. It doesn't get better, get out the minute you notice something is wrong. Not worth it!

[–]AppropriateHoney6FDS Apprentice48 points49 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Love this! If anyone loves to read, I recommend β€œThe gift of fear” by G De Becker. It explains why we have intuition and how it keeps us safe from crime, abuse, death and other dangers with real stories and psychological backup. I started reading it a while back and it was a life changer.

[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the recommendation. The book sounds like it could provide a lot of great insight. Putting that one on my list.

[–]GalactoseGalFDS Newbie33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for posting this OP. Just a few weeks ago I broke it off with someone on intuition, and I had been second guessing myself.

Actually it was his idea...I asked him to stop doing something, explaining why it bothered me. His reaction was "well fuck let's just stop dating". Okay! If you insist. I only want to date people that want to date me. He of course back tracks, but the damage had been done so I stood my ground and wished him luck.

But then I felt guilty, he's a rich doctor, am I being too picky? It was the right choice though. I hate bluffs, they are so manipulative. And I don't do well with people (men only really) whose reaction to something they don't like/understand is to take to level 11. What would've happened when an actual serious disagreement came up? Bye

[–]throwthisawayred36 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i know a rich doctor (family member)

he's the biggest asshole i know

he shouldn't procreate

[–]honeyhealingFDS Newbie27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Literally every single time I’ve acted against my intuition, some bad shit happens. Our subconscious picks up on a lot and it’s always wise to listen to your gut feelings, especially as a woman.

[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I figured out a long time ago that by the time my conscious mind catches up to my intuition ("I'm not sure why I feel this way, nothing appears to be wrong"), it is too late to get out of the situation.

Now, I bail, and figure it out when I'm safe at home!!

Always listen to your first mind!!

[–]halfwaysFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m trying to relearn to do this. Years of my ex gaslighting me made me doubt everything.

[–]SunnydaleHSDropoutFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Never again will I lock her away! When you know, you fucking know

[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, yes, yes. Our intuition is our protector. Same with how our bodies physically react to someone's presence. I'd be shaky, on edge and queasy around my abusive ex. My body was reacting with warning signs. Imma listen to my sweet intuition and body from now on.

[–]MonicaLSolisFDS Disciple24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Always trust your gut. And in the rare case your gut is wrong about a guy, who cares? There are 8 billion people in the world

[–]VerysoftbunFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love when I would ignore my intuition because it seemed rude. Then the guy would end up ghosting for literally no reason. Like oh cool. Nice for what?

[–]mandaclarkaFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is how I ended up camping with a narcissist idiot. (Disclaimer: no dating involved). I went hiking with gin and told my friend he reminded me of my ex. She said, well give him a chance, maybe he's not a bad guy (I'm in a new place and looking for friends). So I went camping. I said so many things that he never responded to. Used most of our conversation to rile me up ("don't you get sarcasm?!" That's not what that fucking was, it was a way to gain control of the situation) and spent the first night TELLING me I wanted to go to bed. I brought a telescope, who the FUCK told you I wanted to go to bed?! Oh, also slammed his car door at 5 in the morning but "everyone is being so loud so early". Next day in the water I give him advice about some of my equipment 4 times. 45 min later: him repeating my advice because "he figured it out". So i said "yeah, i told you that multiple times" "I didn't hear you" "I know you didn't. I just spent a day and a half realizing you don't hear me. But that's not my problem". He left and the rest of my day was amazing alone. Sure enough, it was exactly like camping with my ex. No more "benefit of the doubt" from me. If I don't get good vibes hanging out with you, I don't want to hang out with you. I'm done wasting my good time with people who will ruin it. I did that for 6 years. NEVER AGAIN!!

[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is an ability that I really need to develop, or at least give more credence to. In the past I guess I dismissed it because I really needed proof. Then the other day I'm thinking, I'm not arguing a court case FFS, just determining who I do and don't want to spend time with. It doesn't have to be that complicated. Every single time I got a feeling that someone or something was "off", it always turned out to be justified. Maybe not right away, maybe years later, but it's always happened.

[–]throwthisawayred30 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

tell us about a copule of those instances when it felt off and then it turned out to be right?

[–]sunset74420FDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I guess the most dramatic example would be a guy I felt weird about when I was 15, who I later found on the sex offender registry in my late 30s when I was looking for a house. Other than that, nothing too crazy. A guy I dumped when I was 20 is in his mid 40s and still lives with his parents. Another has a shit job and anger issues.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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