NSFW!! When I was a pickme, I never tried sex toys. I played around a little but didn't really know what i was doing so i never got anything out of it, so I believed having sex with a man was the way to have pleasure. when I would have sex it simply "felt good" and I genuinely assumed that was what it was like to have an orgasm. The men I had been with all told me that "not all women get wet" and not all women are able to climax, one even told me he had been with multiple women and a woman climaxing was a "rare" event. Much of my teens I had been on medications that reduced my sex drive and with that factored in I believed that sex simply "feeling good" was the "climax"

For years, I had bad sex and didn't even realize how bad it was until I finally got my own space and bought some sex toys. That's when I realized how bad the sex of my past was.

Honestly one of the best things you can do for yourself is buy some sex toys AND OR use your fingers to explore. Learn your body and what you like. Maybe you were like me and believed the lies ...

You should be wet, and penetration should feel good overall because he should get you warmed up. Unless you have a medical condition of course. But he shouldn't be having to rely on lots of lube to penetrate. Sex is not just penetration, good sex requires getting you really warmed up and turned on and you should be enjoying it and really really wanting him, and when he does penetrate it should feel easier and should feel amazing, penetration should feel natural and like it sort of just happens after good foreplay. Foreplay should be so fun and so enjoyable that you should not even be thinking about how long it takes or whatever, you should be getting really into it and the more you get into the less you think and the more in the moment you become

Another thing is NEVER fake or exaggerate moans /sounds. If a man is good in bed and actually getting you turned on... most women will get so turned on that moaning becomes a sort of subconscious thing, all your sounds sort of just slip out, you will get to a point where you can't control your sounds or your breathing. You'll get to a point where you can't control your body and you're so into it that you aren't trying to control your body, everything will happen, and it'll feel like your soul left your body. You'll sort of tingle, but in a good way.

I know this may be obvious to many of you, but I the only good sex I ever had was with myself. I never orgasmed from a man. At most, I was only lightly turned on by a man. Many of my friends haven't had orgasms from a man ever, either. I think many of them still believe that getting lightly turned on is orgasming. Masturbation also really helped me ease my period cramps!

But really one of the best steps to recovering from pickme-ism is to consider using a sex toy and really take your time, get to know yourself. Try to have a comfortable and quiet space for this, you will also need to mentally be relaxed to really have the full experience. Once you really start learning how to please yourself you will really be able to fully see how AWFUL bad sex is! Once you get to experience great sex with orgasms, you won't want to tolerate anything less. Cutting off men that are selfish in bed should get much easier for you. Bottom line is buy yourself one if you never have so you can see what you are missing.

I know this post may not be helpful to everyone and different religious beliefs exist, but I do hope this helps someone in their journey.

edit: adding that you can also use your fingers and or toys. It doesn't just have to be toys!