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I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a myth

November 27, 2020

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Post Information
Title I’m glad more and more women are being more aware of how 50/50 is a myth
Author junegloom23
Upvotes 4388
Comments 119
Date November 27, 2020 9:24 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]notyourbishFDS Newbie348 points349 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don’t give a shit if you work 0 hours a week, if you want and can afford to hire a housekeeper then fucking go for it. We aren’t cursed to be free domestic laborers just because we were born female.

[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie135 points136 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My husband works full time and I work part time. Due to covid he's on decreased hours (but still full pay, bless) and he won't let me do everything. I did feel like I had to "earn" not working, but he clearly doesn't think so, and I'm really happy about that. I'm still kind of the household manager but he's no slouch

[–]shinyjewelsFDS Apprentice456 points457 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You still have 128 hours/week to cook your own fucking meal, Brian. The way the rest of us adults do.

[–]whiterabbit818FDS Newbie496 points497 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

And then be expected for sex 🙄

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple391 points392 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

....that doesn't get the woman off.

[–]whiterabbit818FDS Newbie131 points132 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

How does this happen? I’ve never experienced this

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Which part?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

...doesn’t get the woman off.

I just insist that they don’t stop doing what I ask until I get off.

The only instance I can think of where that occurred is when I got triggered and dissociated during sex.

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Gosh, that's great. Good for you for asserting your needs. 💜🙂Unfortunately, many women don't come during intercourse with males. The reasons are many. Ask some of the ladies here. In my case, the man pouted and shut down whenever I tried to give him directions.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I really appreciate your response! What did you say/do after he pouted and shut down? Genuinely curious.

I would have either said something like, “If you’re gunna act like a bitch, I’m going to treat you like one.”

Or I would have asked very genuinely and incredulously, “I just gave you some tips and tricks about how to please me, and this is how you thank me 🤔🤨😠??”

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, I stopped everything. I shut it down. Then I excused myself and would leave. They're not the only ones who can pout. I acted bored.

[–]ferociouslycuriousFDS Newbie116 points117 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

.....then perhaps he should motivate himself to grocery shop and cook, eh? I make an equal amount of $$$ and I get home later.

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice227 points228 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

My cheating ex gave me such shit for buying takeout, heating up a pizza or making a simple pasta with sauce and salad for dinner, especially on nights when I was so busy with trying to work full-time AND handle the bulk of childcare.

So, in an effort to make him happy, I cooked a "better" meal one night. When I sat down looking tired, he got livid, lost his shit and screamed that I was a terrible partner because, "You don't cook for me, you don't clean for me and you don't fuck me!" In front of our 4-year-old son.

A month later I discovered he was cheating on me with a co-worker, and a month after pretending to entertain the idea of reconciliation I discovered he was conniving with his affair partner to drain my bank accounts and pay for their vacation together and basically extract all he could out of me while we were still together in the family home. So I left him, finally. And while it was wrenching and devastating, I must say that life is a million times better -- more peaceful, content and happier -- now that he no longer plays a significant part of my daily life.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie107 points108 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Ughhhh. I literally hope he dies... What a scumrag.

[–]Inevitable_Soft_101FDS Newbie53 points54 points  (4 children) | Copy Link


[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️50 points51 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Interesting fact: scum literally is the original word for cum. A scumbag was a condom.

[–]ReignOnYou9513 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They just randomly decided to get rid of the s?

[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol, over time, yes. It's the fascinating thing about language - the way dialects and slang become the official words, etc. Sorry, purists, that's the way it beez ☺.

[–]midwesternwindsFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wait, he complained that you never cooked dinner... then complained when you did?

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes...apparently my meals weren't up to his standard. He was cheating on me but at this point I didn't know it, so he was creating lots of no-win situations for me to fail to justify his behavior.

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, he got hit by the karma bus in a few different ways! That kind of deception and depravity can never sustain itself, and usually people like him doom themselves eventually with the arrogance, entitlement and self-delusion that lets him use and abuse people to begin with.

[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy crap, this is so awful. I am so sorry. The depravity of some people. Seriously.

[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple37 points38 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Please tell me they didn’t take a fucking vacation on your dime. Please. I hate NVMs.

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nope, he didn't. After I discovered the entire text chain between him and his affair partner -- memories of which still haunt and bring me pain to this day -- I did the one deliberately asshole thing in my life and literally packed some bags and left with our kid the night I found out. And left him with all the bills (I had been footing half the household expenses) and also took the cars, which had been in my name and I had been paying for. I was not fucking letting him milk me for any more money after what I had read in his messages. And then about four months later COVID hit and his job was affected, so I think the karma bus hit him pretty good 😌

[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s nothing “asshole” about what you did- it was rational and called for under the circumstances. Take care of you and your child. 👌🏼

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple30 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yikes. Though congrats on escaping.

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thank you! I am much happier and more peaceful these days. The foundation of happiness is definitely self-respect and inner peace. At least for me! ❤️

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]khaleesiqwnFDS Newbie24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

holy shit. sounds almost sociopathic/narcissistic tbh. what an asshole!

[–]missisabelarcherFDS Apprentice6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

After some inner work and counseling I did realize he was a covert narcissist -- it was an amazing key insight that helped me reframe the narrative of that relationship and move forward!

[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple454 points455 points  (39 children) | Copy Link

When I lived with my NVM ex, I felt pressured to prove myself by making these elaborate meals. I put significant time and energy into making sure we had "worthy" dinners that took time to prepare. It wasn't enough, though. For example, sometimes he'd complain when I'd take shortcuts (like if I bought bagged salads instead of the individual ingredients).

Now that I'm single, I'll basically have the equivalent of hot pockets and fruit punch for dinner whenever I damn feel like it (which is a lot these days). Some nights, I just can't be bothered, and who cares if I have a PB&J sandwich with a glass of chocolate milk? Lean Cuisine for lunch? Go for it. I don't have anyone to take care of but myself, and no one is complaining if dinner is oatmeal.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice162 points163 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly what I’ve been thinking. When I’m alone who cares if I eat a crap dinner when I’m too tired to cook? I feel like I’m leaning more towards having a forever bf where he lives in his own damn space.

My mum did this for my dusty dad. 40 hours and a homemaker after work. She’s always told me not to do it, that it’s slavery. And guess what she got cheated on, his dusty ass was even spending money on other women. She’s always told me you gotta keep his ass busy by letting him do housework.

[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie138 points139 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

This is what I have now. A forever boyfriend who is also one of my best friends who has his own place. We spend 3 nights a week together, the rest of my time is my own. And I do not have to cook for him or wait on him or clean up after him. It's perfect for me because I will never marry or live with another man ever again.

[–]Ghost_namesakeFDS Newbie57 points58 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That actually sounds amazing! I'm not sure I want to live with a man again.

[–]s_slayerFDS STRATEGY COACH6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was very sure I never wanted to live with another man but my boyfriend changed my mind about that. We don’t live together but I’ve spent enough nights and days with him to know that he’d be very easy to live with. Most men I’ve dated in the past decade - actually all of them - I couldn’t fathom living with them and usually wanted to wake up in the morning and be on my way. It gets so much harder as we get older and more set in our ways, but i definitely want to live with this one. He gardens and cooks and dotes on me, he loves cats, he wants a cottage in the forest like me, they do exist!

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like heaven and what I will have to do. I just can't imagine living with a guy. Even if it was Jason fucking Momoa I'd still wanna strangle him since I need my space 😆

[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds perfect! I'm happy for you.

I've been looking for this type of relationship for 10 years since my divorce. No luck yet.

[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same, I know many on this sub want marriage but I’ve been there done that and I’ll never do it again.

[–]galvanicreactionFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey, are you me? We've been together for over 20 years and I'm pretty damn sure that it's because we have this arrangement as well. (I will give him credit for being a great cook, careful housekeeper, and takes excellent care of himself).

If I could just get people to stop giving me the side-eye for not wanting to marry him, life would be perfect. Maybe they're just jealous.

[–]SayNadFDS Newbie65 points66 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

She’s always told me you gotta keep his ass busy by letting him do housework.

If women have to always keep their man "busy" to avoid being cheated on, you don't have a relationship, you have a probation period.

Terminate the damn contract immediately, who has the time to keep an adult in check at all times.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I agree, I should’ve made it more clear that she said it tongue and cheek

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good one. You must be a lawyer.

[–]PahapanFDS Disciple209 points210 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm not much of a cook but when I was with my abusive NVM ex I bent over backwards to keep him fed. There were a few things I could make that he liked (he despised most fruits and vegetables), so I'd cook those dishes at his request. Otherwise I was buying him prepared foods from the grocery store or ordering delivery. I was constantly going back and forth to the kitchen for him, too. He lived like a king. But, just like with your shitty ex, it wasn't enough. He wanted more homecooked meals but couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the fact that I'm a bland white vegetarian and my cooking would NEVER be like his Puerto Rican mom's.

I was working a super stressful management job where I oversaw ~30 employees. He worked part time at a deli. Looking back, I don't know why I put in so much effort for him when I was getting nothing in return. I was so desperate to be loved by him. Never was. 🤡

[–]PooPooMeeks98 points99 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Looking back, I don't know why I put in so much effort for him when I was getting nothing in return.

Me too sister - plus about 5 million+ other sisters have endured this as well. I know you know this, but just sending a shout out - you are NOT alone! 🤗

I was so desperate to be loved by him. Never was. 🤡

This is me too, 💯

EDIT: Thanks for the upvotes ladies, I love seeing them, it reminds me of how we have all been through it, and we are all trying to improve our situations in SISTERHOOD! ☺️🤗❤️

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh girl I’m sorry and it’s sounds just like a NVM to expect them to be just like their mama and not eat their damn vegetables. Man child.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Typical Latino man. Homeboy want you to work and be his housewife like their moms. Expect to be treated like king (their mama babied and still babies them) and also will cheat on the side. They are notorious for wanting a traditional woman yet not be traditional themselves. It’s about high time I expose them. Nah sis, latinas can back me up on this one.

[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie143 points144 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I made a full family Sunday type dinner nearly every night for 20 years. Even when I was working overtime. I get so mad thinking about that now. I was burnt out and he would bitch if there weren’t enough sides. But he wouldn’t even give ideas to help with meal planning and would be annoyed if I asked.

The food issue is one of the best parts about being divorced. I don’t stress about cooking at all anymore.

[–]flowers4uFDS Newbie76 points77 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

We get bagged salad all the time. Grill some chicken and bagged salad.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice41 points42 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Mm hmm. Hard boil and egg and throw some sharp cheddar cheese and ranch. So bomb. And if your super lazy buy a roasted chicken (although those are really pumped with lots of sugar water and salt)

[–]flowers4uFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

We roast our own whole chicken a lot. Cuts down on the salt and sugar and then we have a few days of leftovers

[–]softensonicFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Roast chicken is low maintenance and can last for a few days if you get a big one for yourself.

[–]RabidWenchFDS Apprentice124 points125 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think it is fantastic that you are easier on yourself. I just want to check in with you because I know from experience that we tend to take less care of ourselves when we are alone simply because it's easier. I don't want to be a nag, but I do want to remind you to eat balanced meals in the mix and hydrate yourself. 💕 Be at least as good to yourself as you were to that idiot, even if there are break days. You deserve it!

[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple69 points70 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is such a kind message. I appreciate it (and you). Thank you!

I do still cook myself (mostly) balanced meals, and I drink a ton of water. I've just found that on my own, I tend to cut out meat and eat more simple meals without the show I used to put on for my ex. It's a lot more simple meals, and I don't feel like I have to be this creative kitchen maven anymore.

[–]notochordFDS Newbie42 points43 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I became disgusted by the amount of meat my ex would eat. After becoming single, I’ve found myself eating vegetarian about 80% of the time. And I’m totally fine having fruit and oatmeal for dinner! Simple food that is easy on my digestion makes for such a relaxing existence!

[–]Babooshka-123Pickmeisha™️22 points23 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I LOVE the lazy dinner option as a single lady. It is such a treat to just say ‘I’m having beans on toast tonight’.

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Lol you’re British, right? I gotta try that.

[–]Babooshka-123Pickmeisha™️6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes British staple

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Haha nice like baked beans, white toast or? I gotta google this. And an English breakfast lol

[–]Babooshka-123Pickmeisha™️5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You can have white or wholemeal sliced bread, always Heinz beans!

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aww haha we don’t say wholemeal here. I need to travel. Idek if we have heinz maybe just bush’s haha

[–]AlextheAnalystPickmeisha™️10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hate him.

[–]Valkyrja1385FDS Newbie199 points200 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Let's not even count if you have kids with some loser...

[–]PahapanFDS Disciple391 points392 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

Most men don't make enough anymore to support a household on their income alone (which isn't entirely their fault, the economy the way it's become) but still feel entitled to that 1950s lifestyle like they have a housewife waiting at home. It makes no fucking sense.

And then the ones who do make enough to support a stay-at-home wife seem to inevitably grow to resent her, based on a bunch of r/relationships and r/AmItheAsshole posts I've seen. I remember one post where the guy was straight up wealthy and his wife didn't work and also didn't want to cook or do housework so she asked him to hire people for that and he took issue with it because he thought she should earn her keep, essentially. Despite the fact that there was no actual reason for her to. Oh, and they'd been together since before he became wealthy so it wasn't a dreaded gold digger situation. He just hated the thought of the mother of his children getting to simply enjoy life, not scrubbing any toilets or slaving over a stove.

[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie240 points241 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Yep, even if we do it, they hate us. My ex and I met in the army. I was a soldier too. I spent less than four years as an army wife of our 20 year marriage after we married and had a son, got moved to fucking. Barstow for two years of it, spent one year alone with our son while he was overseas. Worked through most of our marriage, handled everything with the house, nearly everything with our son and my husband’s brother whom I raised through his teens, made that man 3 meals a day (even packed his lunch every day and got up to cook him breakfast).

And when we divorced I found out he was on a group about dependapotamuses. Un fucking believable. I can’t express the rage. May weasels infest his asshole.

[–]tossed_salad100116 points117 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The dependa thing really illuminates misogyny because military wives sacrifice their entire lives to follow their husband around like he’s the protagonist of some movie. And then they have the audacity to complain. Well, I’m laughing at them right along with you, sis.

[–]toesandmoretoesFDS Newbie25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Can you explain what the dependa thing is?

[–]tossed_salad10024 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This myth that most if not all military wives are entitled gold diggers who marry military guys for their benefits and then cheat on them. Hilarious, isn’t it?

[–]partyangesagtFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Derogatory term for woman who marries a military guy, commonly stereotyped as having been a stripper before getting married to said military guy or trying to escape their shitty rural hometown. A dependa is: using their mil husband to get healthcare or education benefits, jobless or has a shitty job (part-time or MLM), crazy, and cheats on husband while deployed (deployed mil dudes cheat like crazy but we don't talk about that I guess). And if a dependa is fat or gets fat over the course of marriage she is called a dependapotomus.

Military guys don't usually make a lot of money unless they're an officer so calling their wife a gold digger isn't accurate, they use dependa instead! Technically husbands of military women can be called dependas too but there's a lot less mention of and hatred for male dependas.

[–]ThePinkingWoman33 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ugh, let me express my disgust. That made me sick on your behalf. I hope you ARE getting all the benefits you can squeeze from that former situation.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice105 points106 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yes, it’s because they see their mothers doing it. I grew up in the era (or maybe my dad was just too dusty) where both of them needed to work. My mum recommended in those cases to pay for a cleaning lady or else you know the women gets stuck doing double work

Also about your story: she probably gave him tons of support while he was coming up. So that was her money too 🙄

[–]_fuyumiFDS Newbie72 points73 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Opposite for me. I had a single mom who worked and did everything else. When I'm the lone adult, yes, I do everything. If I'm not, why act like I am? It's 2020 we're not muling for men anymore. If your arms aren't broken, you can pick up a broom or a skillet and make yourself useful.

[–]Ahollowbullet-yetFDS Newbie44 points45 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah. I listen to a podcast about relationships and a guy said he felt cheated because he doesn't get to live the lifestyle his father lived (coming home to a happy wife who made a meal and wants sex, his words). Instead he comes home and his working wife hands him the baby. Someone get out the violins. How tragic. Ugh.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. Yes. There was a great post where someone said just that. Men were expecting to reap huge benefits in the peak of their life like their fathers. I think we are seeing the saltyness through redpill, incel, Mgtow. I realized all the men in my family (father , grandfather , great grandfather) were definitely dusty and I could imagine someone with their profile in 2020 would have a hell of a time keeping a woman.

Also! They better quit with wanting 5+ kids (I’ve always given them the side eye, like who do you think is going to raise so many kids 👀) That is literally laughable now. Nah sis, I have a professional job, we could probably only nurture one kid fully between the both of us.

[–]ReignOnYou956 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I dont really think those women were happy back then..

[–]Ahollowbullet-yetFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh definitely not. But that's the stereotype isn't it? A glad, always ready to serve, never angry or sad wife who is submissive.

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck him.

[–]PahapanFDS Disciple54 points55 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also about your story: she probably gave him tons of support while he was coming up. So that was her money too 🙄

This is very true! Most wealthy men don't get to be that way without any support.

[–]miss_tokieFDS Newbie32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I remember reading that one. Everyone was like "LeAvE hEr" and I think he said he would. Utterly pathetic.

[–]diorgasmFDS Newbie55 points56 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Or be a human pin cushion

[–]will_dog2019FDS Newbie85 points86 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If he’s only working 40 hours a week, then he has plenty of time to take his ass on down to the grocery store and then cook dinner.

[–]whatevertotonFDS Newbie47 points48 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Right?! Like who the hell actually works just 40 hours a week lol?

[–]will_dog2019FDS Newbie34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would LOVE to only work 40 hours a week!!!

[–]oscine23FDS Newbie68 points69 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All of this. My ex legit never mopped a floor or cleaned a toilet bowl. He thought doing a half ass sweep job every six weeks of ONLY the living room, leaving clumps of dog hair in the corners and loading the dishwasher was 'helping'. Of course when I asked him to hire a cleaning lady he looked at me like I had three titties and told me it was too expensive.

So, when the new guy called and told me he was "doing chores today", I almost squealed. lol

[–]Mella_20FDS Newbie105 points106 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I can see this guy's profile pic. He has a woman. I feel so bad for her.

50/50 is some bullshit.

[–][deleted] 106 points107 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

yeah and he’s also fat as hell 😂😭 unbelievable how low the bar is for men’s physical appearance

[–]Mella_20FDS Newbie56 points57 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its always the dusty guys who have the most audacity 🤷‍♀️

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple40 points41 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, what the hell is up with this? Girls are taught to hate themselves if they're not physically perfect -- whatever the fuck that is. Guys, it's almost like they think the universe owes them a bang maid BECAUSE they are imperfect as some kind of conciliation. Girls are not encouraged to think that way.

[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm beginning to tho. After all these years putting up with NVM bullshit you're damn right the universe should gift me a HVM 😉

[–]rideoffaloneFDS Newbie35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He could probably do with a few 300-calorie Hot Pockets in place of an entire meal.

[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It is very attractive to me when men take care of the home. And do it well. But I always clean because I've generally not been satisfied with how other people do it.

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are some out there. My son's place is far tidier and organised than mine. He used to manage a large commercial laundry. He cooks decently too. I think he got the organisation gene lol.

[–]stella_chloeFDS Newbie25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I work 70-90hrs (starting a business) and my amazing (full time employed) HVM takes care of all that stuff. It's not emasculating at all for him, and he's pretty traditionally manly - yet he sees it as taking care of me. I'm looking forward to doing more cooking and surprise clean-ups and meals once things are more chill with work <3

[–]petit_rougeFDS Newbie49 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I realized a while back that I enjoy cooking but not enough to do it every day. My boyfriend is the one that’s the primary cook and I help him with the cleanup. I want more women to realize it’s okay to not be the main cook. And if he doesn’t know how to cook - he’s a grown ass man and he can learn.

[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie44 points45 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ok well why can’t they learn how to cook like what did they do before they got married or had a partner I’m so confused

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Be useless just like they are now. Got takeout, fast food, and pub eats. When they weren't sponging off of Mommy and living in her basement.

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ugh. I was pregnant and my child’s father who turned out to be a deadbeat sent me a meme that was like “no man wants to battle the world, then come home to round 2 with his woman” and I sent him my books and said no one wants to come home after working full time plus weekends while pregnant and have to study chem after battling with... too much? Wasn’t too much. The battle for him was prob me asking him to pay some of my copays during a high risk pregnancy. Don’t do it ladies.

[–]Fresh-Presentation76FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"battle the world" lol yeah they're real warriors haha

[–]PhoridayThe13thFDS Newbie43 points44 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It was time for us to wake up. Long since, actually... we’ve been spoon fed the idea that men go to work, so they can be a slug when they get home. Food ready. House clean. It’s their time, blah blah blah.

I think the crap math became obvious to me when I married my first husband. He’d put in such minimal efforts, in and outside of home. “I work! Why can’t you do YOUR part?” (I worked too har har), “It’s my day off though.” (Ok, and life stops when you’re off work?), “You never make a full meal for me after I bust my ass at work. Rub my feet, at least! Can I have a blowjob?” (You ain’t Jesus... and no.). When we married, I was still at Uni and had a job. He worked at like Taco Bell. My little assistant managerial job at Sally Beauty paid more, for one. Wasn’t sleeping much. His lazy ass got a full 10 hrs sleep nightly.

Divorce. How sweet it is. Goodbye ManBaby! I didn’t mind cooking for my second husband. He was not a useless couch slug. He was an equal partner, and he took care of the kids and house just as much. And NEVER treated me like a blow up doll. ☺️

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ten hours of sleep?! I can barely manage four.

[–]PhoridayThe13thFDS Newbie18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

He was a pillar of laziness. Slept like a rock. The fire alarm could go off, and he slept on! Meanwhile, I was getting 2-4 hours, broken up into naps between school and job. He was eating free food at work, as well! Asking me to cook like he was starving and disadvantaged. 😳

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

like... how is this 50/50? crickets

[–]InayahDaneenFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men expect women to go 50/50 on bills and also take on the housework and childcare, plus look good. All of that is taken for granted by lvm.

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And there are women doing this worried about taking advantage of the guy or not supporting equality.

In this society, where men are favoured and usually earn more, nothing is equal. Interesting the men aren't interested in equality other than a woman paying her own way or contributing half of her paycheck.

[–]ItsFreezenFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh come on Brian we all know a lot of men buy Hot Pockets and Fruit Punch to have for dinner.

[–]Pudding5050Pickmeisha™️11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And that's even before we include taking care of any potential kids in the family...

[–]LevelupmamaFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also people love struggle love smh

[–]smart-tart23FDS Newbie[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]Half_HaltFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Forty hours a week??? The humanity! Won't anyone think of the men???

Somebody needs to read him some Little House on the Praerie to catch up on what was really expected of a man back in the good old days.

[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I love how they act like 40 hours is even a lot. No one gets anywhere in life putting in their 37.5 hours and going home to watch TV.

[–]rideoffaloneFDS Newbie82 points83 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Um, lots of people do? Let's not shame people with a good work-life balance.

[–]pinkpoopgtelostFDS Newbie49 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Work-life balance is very important, I don’t like the idea of just dedicating your entire existence to your job and then dying. I am very strict about putting my free time, personal life and health first so I usually stop working after the daily 8 hours are up. In extreme cases I will work for 9 hours a day but even that is too much. I think I have a great life.

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've spent many years working in a male dominated industry. Men spend a lot of time screwing off at work. Some finish their legit work in a few hours and spend the rest of the time online, gaming, gossiping with co workers. Then there's the night shift guys who purposely stay at work to avoid having to do anything at home. They'll screw off until maybe 7 or 8 pm. They get to miss dealing with kids as they'll be in bed by the time he gets home. Plus he can use the works 1000 a week so hard card.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg... I can second this. They fool around ALOT. It stings even more that they go home and do fuck all while their wife does everything else and works the same hours.

Yes. Just yes to the men working night shifts. When covid hit there were still some men wanting to work to get away from their family so they were asking to come into office anyway.

[–]souredskittlesFDS Apprentice0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You just scalped me sis 👀 maybe I should try harder

[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha, I’m sure you’re trying hard enough. My work has only recently picked up again since Covid started. I spent most of the last several months homemaking, reading and taking a course online. And I do agree with the comments that a balanced life is important. I just think the original comment from the man is amusing because it’s not like working a standard work week is heroic or deserving of a woman greeting him with a drink, slippers and a BJ when he gets home. It’s fine but it’s standard. And most women go way above and beyond that when you factor in their unpaid housekeeping, child rearing and emotional labor, and the amount that women have to hustle to get the same respect as men. Most women work way harder and more efficiently at work, as others have pointed out, and they often have a side hustle or are educating themselves in their spare time, plus they take care of themselves and their homes in ways that men don’t. Men always act like they’re special for doing what women do all the time.

[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

just 40 hrs? shiiit. I work 80 hours and I cook, clean, wash, do the shopping and have time for my friends. I can't wait for a 40 hrs man to even suggest I be his personal cook.

long before fds, my ex dared do this to me. he also dumped me in the most terrible ways: he got up one day after sex and just left. you know why? because even with such a busy schedule I would make time for him. I would fuck up my schedule for him. I would cram work so I had free weekends with him and I would plan everything for the weekend- book hotels & entertainment and most of the time I would be paying for them (you pay as you book), all he had to do was drive us to the destination. I was fucking exhausted. And you know what was the sad part? He always made fun of me for being "a lazy ass"... "all you do is sit all day". this is how he qualified my work- "sitting". poor, deluded army boy who was 90% brawn, 9% shit and 1% defective brain cells.

men who do not distinguish between unemployment and intellectual work are not worth it. if he chops wood and comes home exhausted expecting you to cook him a meal & rub his smelly feet, he sure doesn't give a shit that you've been up 2 days straight to do research for your work. it's almost as if he despised my work or my source of income. just thinking of it brings me shame.

lesson learned: never make time for a man when you can make more time for yourself.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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