"in sickness and in health" must have a fine print clause that says something like: "except menopause of course". Because so many men abandon their wives during middle age it's astounding.

Angeli_33 · 2021-11-21T13:42:55+00:00

You know why women initiate the majority of divorces? Because fucking men never learned how to break up properly. They are emotional cowards. They pull every stunt they can to drive you to do the dirty work for them. I have never in my whole life had a guy give me a proper breakup and the closure that comes with it. They deflect, ghost, then come back, they start to get disrespectful, etc. They treat you like a bone they can bury in their backyard to come back to later, like dogs do. That is why women initiate the majority of divorces. But just because that's the official breakup number, doesn't mean that that's the exact moment the marriage broke down. I know a case of a man who went to another country to work, while his wife was staying at home with their 3 autistic sons, and he got another much younger wife while on the job abroad. When the first wife found out, she forced him to get a divorce. She said you will not marry that new woman until we are divorced. I can name soooo many other instances of men letting relationships die out painfully and slowly. It's like they cannot commmunicate.

pyramid_fud · 2021-11-21T13:33:46+00:00

When me and my ex were in the process of splitting he told me he only chose me as a partner because he thought I would have sex until old age. Says a lot really.

shaezamm · 2021-11-21T13:23:14+00:00

Married women literally suffer through their entire marriage, trying to please a man that only ever thinks about pleasing himself. It’s not fair and it’s so infuriating

Cure_Star · 2021-11-21T17:27:14+00:00

Watching my parents go through this stage now and honestly, I don't think it's so much about the menopause but everything else that happens when you're that age.

My mum hasn't been happy in her marriage for 10+ years at this point but stayed because she was financially dependant on my LV father and had three children to think about.

But now me and my siblings are adults, in the next couple years we will have all moved out and she's realised if she stays she will be stuck alone with him for another 30 or so years.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of women suddenly realise this and it's what prompts them to finally leave.

bexbug4 · 2021-11-21T21:39:49+00:00

I’m in peri and I’m finding it liberating, my personality has changed so much over the last couple of years, I’m mentally stronger and no longer tolerate or forgive shitty male behaviour. Menopause should be celebrated and if that means losing 13 stone of male dead weight dragging you down then all the better. Older women have generally got their shit together, they know what they want and are no longer slaves to their hormones. The men who leave their post meno wives for women half their age will soon regret it when the new wife wants kids, he’s done all that 25 years previously, the drudgery of having young kids/no sleep will have him missing his ex who has moved on with her life and is likely very happy post divorce. I pity these shallow, egotistical and deluded older men.

questionsaboutrel521 · 2021-11-21T15:24:58+00:00

Absolutely. I know a scrote in our community who is wealthy and left his wife after she had supported him in illness and was publicly terrible to her in the divorce. He is now dating a woman 20 years his junior.

From_Heaven_Hill · 2021-11-21T15:34:05+00:00

disclaimer: I'm 51 and was done by 45. Yes, I am on HRT because I was near suicidal and I was making too many mistakes at work. My decision to jump on HRT was fully my choice and I have no regrets.

Most men do not understand when a woman goes through menopause, that it is a cascade of crashing hormones that is accompanied by physical and mental changes. You would think they would understand as their testosterone lowers with age, but this is not the same as all three hormones we have that come crashing to a halt. It really is a blind spot for most men. My spouse understood, so I was lucky. When sex was painful, he modified accordingly and made sure I orgasmed first.

While HRT has been great, I am not convinced it will save a marriage that probably had long-standing problems. If anything, being on HRT would probably compel one to leave a toxic relationship.

Japanese-Spaghetti · 2021-11-22T01:20:41+00:00

I kinda always found marital vows to be “iffy” because “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health” usually only convinced the woman to stay when the man was not at his best, but a lot of men will leave if a woman gets fat, gets sick, or just ages normally. That’s why you stay away from insecure little boys

WestAtmosphere · 2021-11-21T22:37:19+00:00

On a side note to this I wonder if there will be a way to bypass menopause one day. Menopause has many detrimental effects to women regarding bone health, skin health etc. It's hard enough time on top of majority of husbands bailing out.

decemephemera · 2021-11-21T17:03:37+00:00

I don't even think that it's primarily about him losing access to sex (and menopause does not even mean that you stop having sex if you want it). It's (1) men are led to believe that they're entitled to a young, beautiful woman forever, and they're totally interchangeable, so just swap out for a newer model, and (2) a woman aging reminds him that he's aging, he knows that men have shorter lifespans and take shit care of themselves, so instead of facing the fear of his mortality, he gets a distracting new toy to play with. I also firmly believe that men, even if they don't recognize this themselves, want to ensure that they have a caretaker for themselves in old age, and that even with women's longer lifespans, a big age gap is a seeming guarantee of that once the first wife shows signs of her own mortality.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-21T22:12:28+00:00

I'm still gobsmacked that the manosphere claims "only men know how to love and romance". Their definition of love is sex. If a woman opens her legs for PIV, she must love him, and so he feels loved. When he loves a woman he wants to stick his dick in her, so she should feel loved.

If she 'dont want to do it' for obvious reasons like menopause, poor lambie doesn't feel loved, she doesn't love him, he's entitled to 'find love' elsewhere.

They reject every other known form of love and intimacy. It's mental sickness. What a shallow, depraved existence. Weird how we have to love them with this sickness, but they leave when we have literal cancer.

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-21T14:06:01+00:00

I'm 53, been post-menopausal over a decade. I miss my sex drive, and got quite used to it for about 30 years. I can orgasm easily on my own, but desiring random people? Just isn't there. No limerence, no crushes, no feelings at all without a connection and trust first over an extended period of time, typical for me as a demisexual. (Which I'm not going to get into, for those who don't get anything other than cis het; there are MANY sexualities.) I've learned you can't just manufacture desire on a whim, that any desire I'd have would have to take a while, so extended foreplay for the win. Intimacy is way more important than just sex anyway.

I will say that with a HVM, there's no stress, pain, or chaos at all. There's stability, happiness, calm, joy. Only L/NVM initiate the former, and that's never worth it. Vet always though. And just make sure you are compatible down the line. It's worth having extended conversations about how you see yourself and others as you age; some people definitely have issues and left undealt-with, can break up a marriage due to their hangups and insecurities.

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2021-11-22T16:48:56+00:00

The big impact on women here is financial. 50+ year old women aren't a hot commodity in the employment market. If you've always worked, your salary is starting to slide about this time, and your ability to get job interviews also tanks. If you've been a SAHM ... even worse news.