I have been going to therapy after a traumatic experience and am finding posting many of my experiences here incredibly validating and helpful, I know I have been posting a lot! But I wanted to share some insights from a few years pre FDS,

I had a new close friend that I met at college and we became very close very fast. She was a wonderful and caring friend but was (mentally) a lot younger than me and was very insecure in dating. She often seemed envious of me despite being wealthier, more ‘conventionally’ attractive because of the attention I got from men, good or bad.

Around the same time I began dating someone just casually, we went out many times and things escalated quickly before he discarded me after we had had sex a few times. I blocked, deleted and moved on and he came back eventually and would constantly harass me. He begged for me back at one point also, and even signed up for a college class he knew I was taking so he could glare at me from across the room. When I told him that he used me for sex and disappeared, he tried to change the narrative to claim that I was the one that rejected him, and it really affected my memory, trust in myself and self esteem. It caused me a lot of heartache because I was young and naive and there was no escaping it, but eventually he finally left me alone.

One day I was out with my friend when I saw a glimpse of her phone and noticed she was talking to a guy, she showed me something funny on Facebook and a message appeared from someone with a weird ‘nickname’ she had clearly given them, which for those who don’t know replaces their real name when they message you.

I got this immediate and overwhelming sense of dread like I had seen this situation coming but not conciously, I just knew that the guy i dated and described earlier was the one messaging her and she was trying to hide it from me. I immediately confronted her and she denied it for a while until admitting and apologising. It was a pretty shit apology, the kind where they are more sorry that you’re hurt rather than being sorry for their own choices and actions and our friendship ended.

I was definitely not perfect at this time of my life, and was very sensitive but this hurt like hell. On top of this it is beyond me why women want to date men that have hurt their friends/people they know, and think things will turn out any better for themselves.

Trust your instincts when something feels wrong, there were signs that this was going to happen such as the way she would speak positively of this man despite my negative feelings/experiences and her tendency to be jealous of me & insecure in dating.