~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
gagger_of_lolly
[+][deleted] 3 years ago3 (39 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie174 points175 points176 points 3 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Now I feel bad for these puppies
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I'm convinced I have this issue because this was my Dad's express intent in how to control my behavior. He advised me to do this when I had a daughter.
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
JFC
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
JFC. Although I knew something was up when I was a teen and my dad expressed jealousy that my mother’s insults made me cry and his didn’t.
[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
..... what the fuck is wrong with men
[–]atuanFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ew. That's sick.
Yes when you grow up with a Dad like that, it takes a long time to learn that it's not how love should be. My dad was a withholder, he liked me begging for things and feeling in charge and would just randomly be ok with things depending on his mood, never anything rational. So I've never seen anything wrong with that behavior until I spent 10 years as an adult with someone who treated me like that. You can't get things done or problem solve things with a partner like that. It's being a tyrant. And if you point it out to them they have no self awareness about it. I've found myself tempted to withhold in the same abusive way and immediately recognized it and stopped it cause I'm self aware and not a shitty person.
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup
[–]Ghost_namesakeFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I absolutely love dogs. I wouldn't have the heart to push them away... Even for science.
[–][deleted] 33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My friend's husband is a researcher and he had developed a depression from working with rats. He said he was getting attached to them after working with them for a while. He eventually got a job with another company that didn't use animals for research.
[–]palepeachh2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm currently watching my pet rats sleep in their hammock and the thought of anyone doing research on them breaks my heart :(
[–]cemeterykitten3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Annnnd this is why I’ll never go into research. I’ll just stick to microbiology.
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or do research that have nothing to do with animals - I am planning to do research on laser therapy on ezcema patient for my phd - since I myself have ezcema, I'll just volunteer myself.
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same. 😿
[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
We do too but as with most animal experimentation, it’s useful and helps us learn about our world and how we can improve things. Hearing about this experiment from 65 years ago has helped me realize why I have a trauma bond with my ex who strung me along for 1.5 years. And now I, as well as many other vulnerable women, can understand better how to avoid getting manipulated this way again.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nothing has helped me straighten out my head like this sub has. I found it after I had spent months sobbing myself to sleep, hating myself, wondering why I couldn’t be what my ex wanted (even tho he was utter scum and didn’t deserve me even glancing in his direction). this sub has gotten me up on my feet and reminded me I am allowed to and SHOULD have very high standards. Never to look down or settle for anyone who doesn’t treat me right. I’ve already had several really decent guys working to impress me as soon as I decided I’m never going to live like a pathetic Pickmeisha again. I haven’t slept this well in years.
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this sub for similar reasons. Mostly the entire paradigm shift. Accepting only good treatment.
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Wow thanks so much for sharing this research. Definitely puts things into perspective. Do you have a source by chance? I need to put this in my knowledge bank.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omgsh thank you I appreciate this so much!
[–]atuanFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a dopamine fix. When I hear my snapchat message ding, I get a dopamine release. So I deleted snapchat the way I'd detox from a drug addiction.
[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoops, there’s my whole life explained
[–]spicysugaryFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Saving this response! You articulated yourself so well. I also have felt very strongly bonded as a result of inconsistent behaviour and this just makes it make so much sense.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
And those in the third group were treated either with kindness or punishment in a sporadic, unpredictable manner. At the end of the study, they found that the third group, who grew up in a world of uncertainty, had formed the strongest attachments to the researchers.
this is why intermittent reinforcement =/= love
actually, it's a form of psychological conditioning that can easily turn abusive. IR is used to train animals. IR is also used to turn people addicted to gambling.
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you are one of the empathetic human being who believes in the use of positive reinforcement in interpersonal relationships. sometimes, we tend to think that those we encounter are just like us. most of the times, we are wrong. I have been hit hard in the past by thinking like this. there are people (read men) that will engage in IR techniques and apply them to a relationship with another (usually PUAs and their acolytes) and it is very important that women make sense of their techniques soon enough before they get burnt. there exists a full arsenal of dark & destructive psych coercive tools that some will use with no conscience just to get what they desire. I used to be a firm believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt because I was using my ethical lens when viewing their actions. as a rule I am cautious now and the rule of thumb is that not everyone is like me or has the same views on honesty. there is a book called " all men are jerks until proven otherwise" by Daylle Deanna Schwartz and despite its eyebrow raising title, it is full of common sense advice for women.
[–]atuanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"The conditioning worked to keep me in that constant feeling of neediness, lack of confidence, wanting to endlessly prove myself, need for closure, needing just one more try"
You just wrote my biography.
[–]creepingforresearchFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is there any hope for the third group of puppies?
[–]LongirlFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They need a puppy version of FDS to help them.
[–]Appropriate-Pea-7345FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you so much for this. This is so so so helpful and so powerful
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Holy crap that is eye-opening. Also poor puppies 😭😭😭
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie130 points131 points132 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
And when you make yourself unavailable, then they come to you like lost puppies. Works every time.
I really do think the only way to make things work with most men is to be detached and cold and make them constantly work for your affection. Being consistently kind and available just makes them take you for granted and treat you like a doormat.
[–]Appropriate-Pea-7345FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Unfortunately, I think you’re absolutely right
[–]Astral_weaverFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Works like a charm.
[–]Sekina7FDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Life. Fucking. MANTRA...
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whyyyyy was this not obvious to younger me?
Well, at least I understand now.
[–]TempDetectFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Taking a moment. Had a "close out" talk with one yesterday. I aired some thoughts and didn't coddle his feelings. His response was "well, I'm over this and I'm glad it's done".... yet he texted me an hour later to tell me that his feelings were still hurt and his thoughts about my feelings.
Bruh, I thought we were done? Why am I responsible for your feelings if you literally tell me you don't give a shit?
I did the classy thing, told him that I was sorry that he feels that way, and we parted ways... again? But really. I chose to be indifferent rather than ghost. Seemed like the most polite thing.
[–]AmazonArtemisFDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Negative reinforcement works
[–]fireforestfairyFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Inconsistency = fuckboys being hot and cold towards you so you can't spot their intentions or LVM trying to act like HVM when you call them out for being an asshole and then reverting back to being his usual self when you're no longer so upset. Don't fall for it!
[–]LittledeltoidFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Years back, I had a long standing casual sex arrangement with a LVM. He wouldn't do the typical "you up?" at 2 am, but he would always ask me to come over on the same evening. We went on dates too, but those were also usually last minute. He never listened to my many requests to plan in advance. After 1.5 years, I finally got fed up and told him "I won't come over as long as it's a last minute request. You can ask me in advance or don't bother." Guess what? He never asked to see me again! Even after all that time we'd spent together, he made 0 attempts to keep me around after I laid down boundaries. Good riddance.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
God they are such users! Glad you have enough self confidence to lay down the boundaries but also to not try to go back once he went cold on you. Just goes to show how little they care. It’s psychopathic. I mean, ok sure it was a mutually agreed casual arrangement - but that means it should be mutually beneficial (like as you said, giving you some notice). And also you should treat the person with a level of card and respect even as a friend, especially when sleeping together and hanging out for so long. But nope, no respect.
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Huh, same.
[–]ahavaaa_[🍰] 16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
So this dude started giving me mixed signals after coming on super strong for 3 weeks... I asked him what time we were hanging out the day before 2 times and he ignored it.. so the day we were supposed to hang out I went ahead and hung out with friends and had a damn good day.. same night he calls and asks why I didn’t text him all day and did I forget that we had plans.. I told him I asked him twice and wasn’t gonna ask a 3rd time... the dude dumped me!! It sucks and is mega confusing but I’m proud of myself for standing up for myself!!
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You dodged a bullet! Sounds like he was testing your boundaries and trying to make you chase him, and then being butt hurt that you didn’t so tried to make you feel guilty. He wants a slave, not a date. He’s literally looking for the biggest pickmeisha who will coddle him and run after him. No thanks! He knew you had too much self respect and weren’t going to be easily controlled.
[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, good riddance!
[–]SewudFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My last boyfriend was always available to me, but he was nonetheless inconsistent. He would be sweet one day, angry and moody the next. He told me that it was my lack of availability for him that made him upset. So he trained me to make myself more available to him to try to keep his moods in check. I was thinking my availability is free and it costs me nothing to give him more of it so I can do it. Well the moods didn't get better and I just made myself more and more available to a moody guy. This is pretty much a road to an abusive relationship. I have to learn to value my availability and refuse to give it to men.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! This has happened to me a couple of times also. And once they have you there all the time, they will change to be moody over something else - whether it’s not getting him enough gifts, or giving enough massages or head, or cooking him dinner... it escalates. You did well breaking away from this.
[–]keep_my_stuffFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your availability is also not free! Think of that sweet opportunity cost.
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoo! This right here would make a great tattoo!!
Thank you for the reminder!
[–]Tonera5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel like such a badass when I do this but the knee-jerk reaction to reply is still there.
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is all this easier said than done!? 😭😭😭
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[+][deleted] 3 (39 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]romantickittyFDS Newbie174 points175 points176 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]atuanFDS Newbie51 points52 points53 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ghost_namesakeFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 33 points34 points35 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]palepeachh2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cemeterykitten3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SayNadFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Wiggy_BopFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]lessadessaFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spicysugaryFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]atuanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]creepingforresearchFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]LongirlFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Appropriate-Pea-7345FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie130 points131 points132 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Appropriate-Pea-7345FDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Astral_weaverFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sekina7FDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TempDetectFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AmazonArtemisFDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fireforestfairyFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LittledeltoidFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yolosunshineFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ahavaaa_[🍰] 16 points17 points18 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]-badmadAMFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SewudFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]keep_my_stuffFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MgrofChaosFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Tonera5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]cupittycakesFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link