So since I’ve been dating using FDS I’ve opened a new note in my notes app for first date impressions. each person I’ve gone out with a second time has gotten their own notes page.

It started as a way to keep track of what I talked about, what I wore etc because I was going on three or more dates each week. It’s evolved into quick notes on where/when the date was, my impressions before and after a date, major topics discussed, likes and dislikes, annoyances etc. these are just brief notes after a date, a few sentences/5 minutes.

I’ve noticed that inconsistency and minor negative experiences pop right out when I’m keeping track of my dating experience in a clinical way. It makes those tiny annoyances that indicate disrespect more obvious and makes it easier to drop someone sooner who is acting hot and cold or otherwise being low value. Then I delete and block their number.

If I feel any attachment at all, I edit the note to only include all of the reasons I ended it and I’ll keep it until I feel done with them. Others I just delete everything.

( Side note- I have three outfits set aside, one that I always wear on a first date, one for all second dates etc. most guys don’t last past the third date so this streamlines those early dates. All I have to do is get dressed and show up)

Anyways, one guy rose to the top and I’ve been seeing him for three months now. I know we have been on 16 dates and two day trips so far and all of them have been spectacular. I remember every restaurant and activity we have gone to so I know for certain he is bringing his a game. I can’t gaslight myself into feeling like he is offering more than he actually is.

He has brought me flowers 11 times, the same number of times he has picked me up for a date. Before that I met him at the restaurant bc I didn’t know him well yet. He bought me a nice vase the second time he brought flowers bc he noticed I put them in a pitcher the last time. I have notes in the small thoughtful gifts he has gotten me and also a few notes on the two times he has been forgetful/slightly inconsiderate.

He kissed me for the first time in our third date and I made a note that he read my body language well and gave me lots of time to pull back, the kiss felt like we met in the middle and was very mutual. I know memories can get fuzzy and I give people the benefit of the doubt so I’m glad I wrote this down when it happened.

These are just brief notes but reading over them shows overwhelming positive interactions and no uncertainty, angst, confusion etc. it shows clear clinical evidence of a thoughtful generous man. I can feel the chemistry and I’m excited to see him but it’s nice to also have data backing up those feelings. My goal is to stay unemotional about the decisions I make while still enjoying myself and being present in the relationship.

He asked to be my boyfriend after Christmas and I went home and read over my notes before agreeing. It helps take the emotion out of it, so I wasn’t just giddily agreeing and instead was looking at the information and making an informed decision. This makes him aware that I’m thoughtful about this and he said he felt special because I put a lot of thought in to choosing him. So, I started this to make a good choice for myself but it also has made this very lovely man feel very good about how well he has been treating me- we have fun plans for the next two weekends so it looks like he plans on continuing. Time will tell, I plan to keep up with the notes. It will be obvious if he starts slacking but I don’t expect it tbh.