~ archived since 2018 ~

Language is important

March 17, 2021

I noticed there are endless terms to describe social phenomena between the sexes that make fun of women and shift the blame soley onto them.

  • Your male friend wants to have sex with you, but you not with him? You are friend-zoning him. But what is the man who faked a friendship for the prospect of coercing you into sex called again?

-You sleep with multiple men? You are a slut, but what is the man sleeping with multiple women called again? A fuckboy maybe, but is it as insulting as slut, whore,tramp? And why are there so many insults for women specifically?

-You have a (rightful) complaint to service staff without harassing and insulting them? Doesn't matter anymore, you are a Karen. But what is the man who is actually harassing and unrightfully complaining about service staff called again?

  • You want a rich man? You are a gold digger. But what is the broke man leeching off of your financial assets AND your domestic labour, who is using you as a mommy-bangmaid, called again?

Even this: -You are misogynistic and have problems with being male-identified? You are a pickme. What are the men defending rapists and screaming "not all men" called again?

Our language always makes sure to have terms that insult women, even if the issue isn't the woman, but the man. Those terms become fashionable slang and allow men to gang up on women to invalidate us. Maybe we women need to invent our own terms, to hold idiotic men accountable for once.

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[–]fg_hjFDS Newbie 16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I hate the Karen meme/insult. 9/10 abusive customers and aggressive strangers trying to dominate you are male.

Who even thought of giving it a female image when it’s so obviously detached from reality. Literally everyone has a lot more negative experiences with strange men than strange women.

A Karen isn’t even abusive, just complaining. She’s not a societal problem unlike the male equivalent.

[–]WeremaidFDS Newbie 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, as someone who’s worked in a “service” type industry for decades, 90% of the harassment and entitlement comes from gross old men, and they’re not shy about using their size to intimidate or threaten either. Women on the other hand rarely complain, and when they do I’m never afraid of physical violence. The fact that the term for this phenomenon is the most popular women’s name of the previous generation is very telling.

[–]throwRA8935747835FDS Apprentice 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fellow service worker here (for long 4 years - and I still have nightmares about them) and I agree. It was always the men who were either abusing their "power position" as the customer or, you know, literally just spewing abuse. It was a man who threatened to beat me up (17-yearold at the time) outside the store, men that commented on my figure...
Sure, there were also some pissed off women sometimes, but I was never afraid of them.

[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I figured you can redirect pissed women into being more gentle by being nice yourself, unless they stole something. Abusive men just stay abusive.

[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I mean when I worked in retail I had the "Karens" who wanted to complain to my manager and I had the frat bro types who told me I am as cheap as the clothes I sell. I like Karen more.

[–]fg_hjFDS Newbie 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why was your post deleted?

[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just noticed it.I'm not sure what is going on, first I wasn't able to post at all (on mobile), then it worked via the app and now I cannot find the post at all, too.

[–]WeremaidFDS Newbie 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men are the default in our society, and men’s experiences are the default as well. Even us women have to speak to and about each other through the lens of how we come off to men. It’s demeaning and disgusting. I’m glad this sub is pushing back with our own terminology borne of experiences.

There need to be words to describe a man who hangs out with sexists/abusers because they’re nice to him, or a man who dates much younger/inexperienced women for the social clout, or a man who dates/married for free domestic labor/sex, or a man who contributes nothing but a paycheck to his family, or a man who discusses intimate details about the women he sleeps with, or a man who takes/saves nudes without permission, or a man who doesn’t appreciate non-verbal boundaries and social cues, or a man who allows a relationship to drag on until his gf finally breaks it off because he’s either too lazy or too cowardly to do so.. etc. Our experiences need to be heard and shared! We’ve let men define us for too long!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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