~ archived since 2018 ~

Let it go

September 15, 2020
1150 upvotes
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[–]suncolorFDS Newbie103 points104 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is truth. Sometimes I caught up in remembering pleasant conversation, a better time, but it is quickly followed by: But remember all of the gaslighting and disrespect? The “jokes” and “playing devil’s advocate”? Or all of those times he said “you’re always offended by something and trying to start an argument” “it’s your fault we’re having an argument” “i feel like i have to defend myself because you’re always accusing me of being racist/sexist” UGH. Frankly, the fact he couldn’t see he was racist was actually worse than anything else.

Yeah, he can stay gone.

[–]PinkFurLookinLikeCamFDS Newbie32 points33 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I just wanna say, I fucking hate when they play devils advocate. Like why? Why can’t I just vent without you defending the other side?

[–]suncolorFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sis, even that sounds better than what it was. For me, he liked to passionately argue the other viewpoint to get a rise out of me then say “I don’t even believe the opinion I was arguing, I’m just playing devil’s advocate. And you’re getting so mad while I’m calm” it really makes you wanna choke someone out

[–]PinkFurLookinLikeCamFDS Newbie12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No that’s literally abusive I don’t care. Taking all your emotional and mental labor just to laugh and call you clown. No 👏🏼 more 👏🏼

[–]figureskaterforlifeFDS Newbie91 points92 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

So true! And it doesn't only apply to past relationships but to toxic friendships aswell.

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie28 points29 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Yes! My "best friend " pretened she didn't have my number when I needed her the most. She literally posted on my fb a month later like "girl whats your number I lost it?!" You lost my number when we both have had the same phones and numbers for years? So guess what, I blocked her on everything and it took her half a year to notice. Then she had the nerve to YELL at my husband about me blocking her and how she can't believe I'd do this blahblah. Save it, Lindsay. We done.

[–]figureskaterforlifeFDS Newbie15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The audacity to even tell such childish lies.. Like come on - if you don't wanna talk to me just say it. I will be less mad (or not at all) if you just tell me the truth instead of empty lies. Laughable.

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Right? Thankfully I realized she clearly wasn't my friend and honestly she never really was there for me. But it's okay I have myself, so fuck em.

[–]figureskaterforlifeFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's so good for you! You're better of without her and you deserve way better friends!

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, and I agree. I have some ok friends these days, my pto and mom friends are nice but nobody I'm super close with and I am ok with that. I have plenty of people to invite over for dinners and such so I can't complain.

[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

My backstabbing friends name was Lindsey too!! 😂

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Damn it, Lindsay just be nice for once!

[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

😂😂😂

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Do you wanna start the scorned by lindsay club?

[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Haha yaaaaassss. With t-shirts!

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yyeess! I didn't even think about t shirts what a great idea. Can they say lindsay is a meanie on them?

[–]ThatOneRedditGirlFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe something like “Dammit Lindsey!”

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

True! I was thinking of hitting up my ex. Then I remembered that for 3 years he didn't get me a birthday present, yet I drove 6 hours to take him to cheesecake factory on his birthday. Yikes

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie18 points19 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Infuriating. I'm glad you reminded yourself of that bullshit.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thanks I was literally mentally ill. Took me years of growth and a bachelor's in psychology to see my worth.

[–]TisnotthestoveiknoFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hey nice wrok on getting your degree and handling your mental health! I've been in the same type of situation. It shouldn't be this hard to realize our worth. But we know better so we will teach our youth better coping strategies as well as what to expect from relationships.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes coping strategies and regulating my emotions. These things go hand on hand. Also getting older helped, I know by age 25 our prefrontal cortex is developed. I'm really thankful to be alive honestly, I was so bad to myself, so now I love the contrast. Nothing but love from me.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

most of the time.... there was NO bond to speak of, only our projection of what we hoped the relationship/shituationship was. it's important to analyze the situation from a 3rd person POV, using just the facts.

[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is sooooo true. I was really cut up over a guy who ghosted me, but after ruminating on it for several months I found that the only things I really liked about him was that he was 6’4 and had a nice voice. That was literally it. I came to realise that he did me a favour by removing himself from my life, because he would not have made me happy.

[–]oh_beach_pleaseFDS Newbie41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I sat myself down and wrote all the things he did that hurt me, the cheating, the lies, the disrespect, laziness, greed, selfishness, withdrawing of affection. It hurt at the start but then by the end it was a huge relief to see in black and white all the pain I was walking away from. I don't ruminate on it, but it's there should my mind ever think "bUt mUh SiTuAtiOnsHiIiIiiP"

[–]thirdtoebeanFDS Newbie27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I miss the good times too. Then I remember the time he got me a Pokémon pin badge for my 33rd birthday.

[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A weight lifted from my shoulders the moment I went nc. I imagine it's how an innocent person feels when they're let out of prison after being wrongfully found guilty. WIhen I caught myself feeling bad I realised missed the potential of the relationship, not the reality.

[–]Rough-TreeFDS Newbie20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so hard to forgive yourself and too easy to forgive other people.

[–]sewingmachinesaviorFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

That bond you feel is SO often a TRAUMA BOND. So I tell myself I’m having a trauma response, and work to move into a healthier headspace.

[–]michelle27519FDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes so true

[–]PahapanFDS Disciple4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

☝☝☝

Humans evolved to form bonds with others, and especially strong is the mate bond. The chemical cocktail involved that would normally help strengthen a romantic relationship to foster a stable environment to raise offspring in gets hijacked by abusive men to entrap their victims. And it's a mistake to think that these men share the same feelings we do, that they feel bonded. All they feel is entitlement. If they miss you at all when you leave them, what they really miss is the control and all the ways they benefited by mistreating you. Something is wrong with them. They're a perversion of nature. Most of them would abuse their own kids.

[–]sewingmachinesaviorFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Preach!!

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Legit. I miss his dumb ass big ears..but we aren’t doing that anymore 😂

[–]ReflectiveRedheadFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh Lord, sis, I do, too! They were so fuzzy and soft.

But they were attached to a mean, spiteful, entitled 💩.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nah sis, he wus just cute and f*ckable but best believe he didN't respectchu.

[–]purpletranquility7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I needed this

[–]yourscreennamesucksFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true. When I find myself feeling wistful I start reminding myself of all the drunken fights and it all goes away.

[–]lnbrrntFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I needed to be reminded of this. Thank you.

[–]_lordmicrowaveFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

More like a trauma bond. 3 years of dealing with the most self-centred being I've ever come across. Glad I opened my eyes and dropped that fool. Everytime I feel like reminiscing I can feel the memories slowly fade. It is truly freeing

[–]dblrainbow210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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