Hi guys this is post is probably going to be on the longer side so I will add a TLDR at the end.

For my background: I’m 27 and South Asian and have never had a bf (also a virgin). Basically I was very sheltered growing up. I wasn’t allowed to date guys and for college my parents made me stay home so I wouldn’t be out partying/drinking etc. Also I was never really encouraged to have hobbies/interests because women are expected to put others before themselves. My older brother was allowed to stay out all night long but of course I couldn’t because I’m a girl. I say all this to say that I missed out on a lot of socialization in my formative years to make friends/travel/make memories etc.

So after college I began working and I’m sure you all know it is much more difficult to make friends as an adult. So all I much pretty do is work, come home, shower, eat, sleep and repeat. I’ve tired hobbies here and there but I normally lose interest because of my depression and lack of motivation.

I’m deeply ashamed to share my experiences with guys but I suffer from low self esteem and I was never taught about dating because I didn’t experience it at a young age etc. So I didn’t work what was “normal” versus what isn’t. And I don’t meet ppl or go out very often.

Anyway at 24/25 I started to talk to this guy on tumblr. And I opened up waaaayy too quick and of course guys see that asa weak spot. So then he added me on snap and sent a dick pic. Then he basically tried to manipulate/sweet talk me into sending something back. My mistake wasn’t just blocking him then and there. It was confusing because he came across as sweet 🚩And said things like “I was trying to make you feel special”🚩 like I said I’m not used to the attention so I didn’t know what to do and ignored it instead of blocking which is what I should’ve done. So then a few days later we got into a texting argument and he tried to make things sexual AGAIN 🚩 and then at that point I did block him from iMessage and snap. Then on what’s app he came back and I snapped at him for trying to use me to jack off and he said he “just wanted me to be happy and feel wanted” 🚩 and blocked me.

As you can imagine being a depressed person and this happening made me extremely angry at him and at myself. So for months I sent him anons on tumblr calling him a piece of shit and loads of other things. And his sister got involved too and basically threatened my work. And I got super mad and said terrible things to her. I was extremely suicidal at the time and so then he called me 🚩 to try and talk me out of it 🚩 and I am still upset that it even reached that age.

So the 2nd guy was a tinder date who was cheap and wanted to go have for dinner. I didn’t know any better and he just sprung it up and I just paid it not knowing any better. Never heard from him again.

The 3rd guy was a hot mess. Basically I kind of knew of him because we are from the same area and go to the same temple. We had Twitter mutuals and a mutual of mine “introduced” us. So we started texting and I said dinner and he suggested a hookah bar 🚩🚩🚩 so we went. Then afterwards he invited me to his car 🚩🚩 and then the back of his car 🚩🚩 and I gave him a bj... and told him I was a virgin 🚩 to which he said “you’re 26” in a condescending tone 🚩 and said “I won’t force you” 🚩 I did it because I was a pickmeisha and wanted the attention/excitement/“experience”. So of course I never heard from him. My friend basically said that he tried to use me and we got into a fight (likely we’ve made up and I apologized for being dumb) and I told the girl who set us up that I don’t think he’s a good guy and she said she even lectured him and she apologized to me. We are no longer friends.

So then I tried to “overcorrect” the problem by dating a 39 year old. He did the bare minimum but he treated me better than the previous guys (paid for dates, opened doors, wasn’t disrespect etc) we only went out twice so it just fizzled out after that. And like everyone on FDS says an older man that goes for a younger girl is a red flag 🚩

So basically all these experiences have made me extremely bitter, angry and even more depressed because I’m sick of encountering the same type of men. I’ve tried two different therapists, meds, gym and hobbies etc. I only have two friends that I meet through social media (haven’t met them irl). I don’t have in person friends to do things with like travel etc. I have tried meet ups/classes. My dads side of the family are all snakes so I am not close to any of my cousins. My moms side cousins are all younger than me and live far. So I don’t have a lot of support in my life. I am also extremely closed off as a person and I find it hard to connect to people.

I was planning on buying a house in 2020 and this pandemic happened. Being home all day really brings up these memories and makes me super depressed and not want to work on myself. I barely have any energy to even do basic tasks. I think I’m too old for things to get better... anyway thanks for reading if you read the whole thing. I’d appreciate any support.

TLDR: sheltered brown girl who has had a lot of bad experiences with men. Still single. Low self esteem and depression and little hope for the future. I myself have a lot of red flags which are not ideal.