Hey, I’m new to this sub after it was recommended to me by a couple of users. I know it’s been criticized for various reasons, but I haven’t perused it enough myself to have to complete sense of what it’s based on.

One of the dilemmas I face often in dating is guilt. Even if I’m just messaging a guy on a dating app, guilt crops up frequently, as I worry that I won’t be that attracted to him and that I’m wasting his time. On other subs, people are quick to condemn me for “wasting someone’s time” when I mention continuing to engage with someone I’m unsure about. The problem is, I’m unsure about every guy I meet or message on a dating app. If I only engaged with those I was sure about so as not to waste their time, I wouldn’t engage with any of them. I actually err on the side of caution and tell a guy I don’t want to go on a second date - even if I’m on the fence about him - because I’m afraid of having to rush into physical intimacy or a relationship with him, and because I end up feeling so indebted.

I came across a post here that talked about how “You’re single until you’re married,” and that encouraged women to shamelessly date multiple guys until they find the best fit. I really like this idea, but my reflexive guilt is so pervasive that I have trouble adopting this mindset. I don’t feel like I have the right to be picky, meet different people, and take my time making a decision... even though I know there are (some) men who, as this sub recognizes, feel no guilt in using women for their own ends. Of course, I don’t aspire to exploit anyone, but I sense I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum in that I feel I owe people after a few messages on a dating app.

Nevertheless, I have a horrible feeling inside when I imagine being exclusive with any of these people (note: I’ve never been in a relationship and I have done very little dating in my life. I’m also a virgin - 24F). I need time, and I never feel like I have the right to make a careful and calculated decision about a guy. I just feel like I owe him. It’s overwhelming and makes dating stressful and unpleasant for me.

What would you advise?