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Never let them get comfortable!

October 7, 2020
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[–]jasdavis93398 points399 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

This! I also hate when women say “thanks for putting up with me” on anniversary posts. Then seeing them cooking and cleaning all week on Instagram.

Girl, you are putting up with them!

[–]realityhofoshoFDS Newbie76 points77 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Exactly what Shannann Watts said. Word for word.

[–]helena939392FDS Newbie30 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Just watched this yesterday on Netflix and thought exactly the same. Also gave me shivers.

[–]RojavaLoverFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's asserting the opposite to get a false sense of power when they're feeling powerless, "I'm the one who doesn't do as much, I'm the one who gets away with everything" when we all know it ain't true...

[–]fim_de_semanaFDS Apprentice896 points897 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

I would never marry a guy who isn’t as eager to marry me as I am to marry him.

[–]aclick1999FDS Newbie[S] 655 points656 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

I think this is probably a case of men downplaying the fact their wife is far out of their league. 'Negging-lite' if you will. Because they're eager to keep her by putting her down. I broke up with a guy who made a joke about how lucky I was to have him in front of his lv friends. I'm not here for that.

UPDATE: Ladies, thank you for the rewards! Seriously you gals are wonderful! But I am just doing the good lord's (ladies) work and sharing Erica Spera's clever words. Save your rewards for true leveling up content posts. 🙏

[–]SirCrowDevoidOfCornFDS Newbie215 points216 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Good for you! Did you break up with him then and there, or did you wait a while first?

My ex-bf talked down to me and went through my phone once in front of his friends and I wish I could go back to that day and just leave him right there. I didn't even say "really, you're treating me like this in front of your friends to show off?" I wish I'd said that and then "Boy, bye"

[–]aclick1999FDS Newbie[S] 439 points440 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

When I was younger I also struggled with accepting put down jokes, and often rationalised them too. So I know it can feel like an 'overreaction' to dump him. But if it hurts your feelings, it's never an overreaction.

I had only been seeing this guy 4 months, so after he cracked the joke I clarified with a 'really?" Giving him the opportunity to say "Of course not! Obviously I'm the one who's lucky to have you!" He didn't, but instead said something along the lines of 'Well aren't you?" So I said goodnight to them all and that I was going to find someone who felt lucky to have me. He didn't realise I'd left him for another week after that and kept calling. Audacity.

[–]pinkfleurhappinessFDS Newbie103 points104 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]LeeBees1105FDS Newbie199 points200 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LOL he didn't even realized he got dumped. You ditched a narcissist and an idiot. Good for you!

[–]throwmefaraway85FDS Newbie71 points72 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are a QUEEN, I love you lol

[–]gothoneybonesFDS Newbie55 points56 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Omg you are a total badass!

[–]aclick1999FDS Newbie[S] 192 points193 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm a badass in progress! But I'll tell you ladies, once you truly subscribe to fds principles and start treating the first 6 months of any relationship as a conservative/logical/aware interview process, then it's super easy to bounce when your standards are not met. Men still don't understand that female kindness, affection, and care are not synonymous with devotion. I'll scratch your head babe and make you an omelette for breakfast, but if you even LOOK at me funny by lunchtime...out the window you go. NEVER let them get complacent.

[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice42 points43 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Everything you’re saying is a big fat OKAY SIS!!!!!! This is what I love to see. They’re not playing is anymore. We’re DONE.

[–]SirCrowDevoidOfCornFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love your outlook. I could make several affirmations out of your post.

[–]bklyn4everFDS Newbie20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sweetly savage. I stan.

[–]RegularStatus5FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Big Queen energy. I hope I have the courage to do the same if this happens

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]smilodon91Throwaway Account34 points35 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

BTW, this belittling-in-front-of-friends behavior doesn't go away. My last BF was 60 when he called me names in front of his 26-yr-old son. I dumped him right there in the car when he said it... in front of his son.

[–]buzzkillyallFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I put up with that shit for 10 years, so you did better than some of us. NEVER again.

Several different people, men and women, have told me that my ex is the only person they have ever considered hitting (or actually DID hit, one dude broke a bottle on his face). He will probably get himself killed with that "humor" someday. Right now, I'd like to dance on his grave, but I'm working every day to achieve disinterest, instead of loathing. I know it's healthier for me.

[–]moonchild2998FDS Newbie192 points193 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

My ex literally said to me “100 years from now, the only things you’ll be known for it dating me.” Men really think they’re hot shit. This was rich coming from a 30 YO man with a masters only working part time with zero ambition whatsoever living with two rommmates he was scared I was going to leave him for. I can’t wait until I publish my book and drop that shit on him like an A-Bomb

[–]snooklepookle_FDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

YESSS!!! 👏 I can hear r/relationships saying you're overreacting to a "harmless joke" and accusing you of being insecure now 🙄

Just walk away from shit like that, like why wouldn't I find a guy who WOULDN'T put me down?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Holy shit thats awesome lol

[–]favoritesoundFDS Newbie328 points329 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"7 years ago I dropped my standards and settled for this man. Lack of self respect and settling for mediocrity sure is funny and endearing! Happy 7th anniversary, babe!"

[–]anotherdamnloserFDS Newbie41 points42 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh I would love that

[–]kiwielchihuahuaFDS Newbie221 points222 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Have you ever hear a lesbian talk about her wife? they ALWAYS sound so in love, like is the first month...if i'm not getting something like that...every time my husban talk about me..i not marrying him.

[–]ApprehensiveCorgi161Throwaway Account14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're so right! My friend is in a LTR with her partner (they're lesbians) and they are hands down the best couple I know! They're so supportive of each other and so sweet

[–]throwmefaraway85FDS Newbie341 points342 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

Married men live longer and have better health outcomes than non-married men. Married women are the opposite, having worse health and dying sooner than single woman. They need us so much more than we need them.

Any time a man jokes about getting tied down or losing his freedom makes me cringe so bloody hard. It's pathetic and such a joke lol

[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie103 points104 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Agree totally. I'm only in my early twenties but I've seen enough to think "Actually maybe having a kid through a sperm donor in 10 years and raising the baby myself." sounds a lot nicer than being married to someone who'd see marriage as getting tied down.

[–]ydoiexistlolidkFDS Newbie115 points116 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

It's easier to be a single mum of a baby than a single mum of a baby and a man child.

[–]JiltedGroupieFDS Newbie69 points70 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Yes especially if you are planning ahead to be a single mum! Women who think they have partners but when the baby comes the husband transforms into a shitting infant himself and/or just up and leaves... they’re getting the rug pulled out from under them. The planned donor single mother life is totally planned and prepared for. Just imagine what a more healthy and stable environment that is for a child.

[–]sailorstrongFDS Newbie75 points76 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

My sister's partner just announced that "he's no longer in love with her". They have an 18 month old baby. They had agreed and planned to move to the west coast. She found a great job and moved just before covid. He has barely applied for any jobs (she does it for him) and is still living out east with his mums. He has turned into a manchild (more accurately, the manchild tendencies have gotten out of control)

He is abandoning his child to enjoy the single life. Piece of fucking shit. Debatable currently if there's someone else. But of course being separated from your girlfriend (note the no ring ladies!) For 6 months during a pandemic is hard on a relationship. Step up, move here and give it a solid go man.

Well, I guess I'm changing my life plans to move to be closer to her so that kid gets the best chance she can at growing well, and to help my sister's sanity. It takes a village, and I'm her best bet to build that. Thanks fucker!

[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She's lucky to have a sister like you!

[–]YveisGreyFDS Newbie51 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Mistake number one having a baby with somebody who’s not your husband I realize that a husband can turn into a man child as well but the reality is when a man refuses to marry you he’s kind of telling you what he thinks about you. Marriage was made to benefit men so if they don’t want to marry you they literally just don’t value you. Theres no other explanation in my book. So many women get “blindsided” in situations like this but from the outside looking in the red flags are all there you just have to learn to recognize them and here is the perfect place to learn about them. As women we can’t afford to overlook these red flags especially if we want to have kids it’s not fair to them or us

[–]sailorstrongFDS Newbie25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally agree. He was a bearably ok guy. Nice, decent, on track to a decent career. They seemed happy together.

Let her be a warning to all of you. A ring before he moves in or before you even start talking about babies.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I hope your sister finds an incredible career and if she desires, a husband who worships the ground she walks on and her loser ex can just twist in his own uselessness. Actually, that's my hope for every LVM.

[–]sailorstrongFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

After her first horrific partner (navy, and ended up having -- surprise! -- a mistress on the other coast he knocked up) she was smart, and has a great career. We live in a HCOL area, but she will be fine.

Her heart, I'm not so sure about.

[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie23 points24 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I couldn't care less if I get looked at as damaged goods for wanting to be a donor single mother. I'd rather have my kids grow up happy than be in an unstable environment whilst keeping up appearances.

[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. I won't rule out meeting the One and settling down with them (if that kind of person for me exists) but my experiences have put me off dating totally. I've told myself if I'm single and childless by my mid 30s I'll have a baby by myself and hopefully I'd be in a good enough place career wise to do something like that if it comes to it.

[–]I_HATE_ECHO_CHAMBERSFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i keep thinking about this too! Honestly we women don’t realise how much power and control we have over our reproduction and the way we can reproduce. I always think being a single mother and choosing a good candidate with good genes through a sperm donor is more and more viable with each passing day. I remember insecure men whining at me because “they can’t choose to have babies even if they want one”. Womb envy is real. Pretty sure with sperm donors we can choose what sex the baby can be too LMAO let’s wipe out the males ladies.

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree! I am lonely but I have my friends to keep my happy. No man stresses me out and my house is kept how I want it.

[–]YveisGreyFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well I do agree that men reap more benefits from being married then women do usually but I don’t think it’s true that single women live longer well they can but I think it’s mainly if they don’t have any children I am pretty sure single moms actually are more likely to have health issues and die younger than married moms. I think that makes sense because it’s probably a bit more stressful to be a single mom than to be married (all things being equal of course because sometimes husbands will be stressing you out). I also think it’s better to be divorced with kids then to never have been married with kids only because the never married group will include a lot more women who receive no help at all from the father whereas with divorce the father and his extended family usually are a lot more involved with the kids. So basically if you want kids marriage is the way to go even if you get divorced later on and if you don’t want kids there’s really no point in getting married as a woman especially if you have a lot of money/wealth.

[–]IsabellaGalavantFDS Newbie145 points146 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This was my attitude (still is!) when I got married. I refused to have any sort of implications that I was forcing my husband to marry me. I didn't do one of those "funny" cake toppers of the bride dragging the groom to the altar (even though it was suggested!), no pictures of his "boys" doing dumb shit like shaking their heads at him or trying to jokingly stop the wedding, none of that bs. I didn't force him to propose, I didn't force him to marry me, and I resent the implication, even if it's supposed to be "funny".

[–][deleted] 116 points117 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I broke off my engagement with my ex after he told me “I forced him” to propose. Bull fucking shit, he did it willingly and if I did “force him” he’s got a spine made of jelly. All I did was tell him we couldn’t live together anymore because I didn’t want to live in sin anymore.

[–]anotherdamnloserFDS Newbie38 points39 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I got married my mother in law insisted on one of those photos where I held up the marriage license behind his back and did a sneaky thumbs up. I did, but then destroyed the photo. This was pre-smart phone so yeah that photo does not exist anywhere. I have always hated that idea and it’s ridiculous. Whoever said it was boomer humor is right on. I’m so glad this group exists to change ideas and norms.

[–]Amy3e13FDS Newbie26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Suggesting a cake topper like this to you was so tactless. The audacity!

[–]letsberealforamomentRuthless Strategist62 points63 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are a few reasons for this negative sense of humor.

  1. Because men are very susceptible to peer pressure. So EVEN IF they are over the moon about their gf, wife, anniversary, that can't act like it because other scrotes will call them "simps" (which is the modern version of "pussywhipped"). PEER PRESSURE
  2. Because they want to put down their gf, and wife and maintaina sense of dominance over by making her feel that he "settled" for her. DOMINANCE.
  3. Because they like to pretend that she chased him to the ends of the earth. EGO.

[–]tinysilverstarFDS Newbie40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I cannot stand the word "simp" God forbid a man is nice to a woman for any reason.

[–]what-are-potatoesFDS Newbie93 points94 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I feel like this sub and /r/arethestraightsok have a lot of overlap

[–]IrritatedMangoFDS Newbie73 points74 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There was a thread not too long ago somewhere asking lesbians what they were the most shocked at with straight relationships and the most rated one was something like "Dealing with bad sex and relationships where you're worried communication will offend them"

Edit- I even see it with some of my gay friends when they get told by straight people what their relationships are like.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great sub.

[–]fermata102FDS Newbie45 points46 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I dated a guy once who thought these types of jokes were hilariously endearing.

He is almost 41 and has never had a real relationship.

[–]hakunnamatatamfsFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No wonders why

[–]rysedgFDS Newbie44 points45 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My overweight, bald, redheaded ex-husband would respond “I said No!” with a wink and a snicker whenever people asked why our children were born 11 months apart. Wrong. The correct answer was because he had sex with me in my sleep while I was absolutely exhausted from a 2-month old I was breastfeeding multiple times nightly. I am much better-looking than him [- I had deluded myself into believing a LVM would be so grateful to have me that he would never treat me poorly ] and he thought it was ‘hilarious’ to make people think I’d been so desperate for his tiny little pee-pee that I’d been forcing myself on him before we were cleared to have sex post-delivery. Made me furious every time he said it

[–]aclick1999FDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg. I'm so sorry you had to live through that. I hope you and your children are doing better these days!

[–]BetterToBeLonelyFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is disgusting. Glad he's an ex.

[–]deathbecomesme123456FDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That belongs in r/iamatotalpieceofshit and also he’s a rapist

[–]Solaresa36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The ball and chain/"haha I hate my wife" trope is so tired and old.
It's been the standard forever and is still seen in every single sitcom ever for some reason. Nope, we know the stats now and we know that marriage and long term hetero relationships benefit men far more than women on average. Negging on a goddamn cultural level to try and keep women down.

Embarrassing, honestly. Get new material.

[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is a thing?

[–]sharpbehindFDS Newbie51 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh, how I wish it wasn't. A girl I worked with 13!! years ago got married early last year. Keep in mind, this lady was with him before I ever knew her. I saw the pictures of the cake with the"ball and chain" topper myself. I felt bad for her and thought it was a mean thing to do, embarrassing and not a very funny joke, especially since she was the butt of it. It's what happens to forever girlfriends all to much.

[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

God that is horrific. Imagine being willing to humiliate and degrade yourself in front of guests at your own damn wedding. Her self esteem is in the core of the earth, I actually feel so sorry for her.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

At this point they should consider it an honor and a privilege that we are still willing to provide them with our time, effort, companionship and so many other things we give freely while oftentimes our self worth sits on the back burner, unattended to.

[–]CounterCharacter7663Throwaway Account63 points64 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would first move the scissors out of spite first.

[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]sammytheforsakenFDS Newbie37 points38 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't get why men make these awful comments about marriage and call them "jokes". My uncle is married and posted an image with a quote in the group chat of his daughter who was about to marry her fiance. The image read: Son: "daddy, why are all the cars over there blowing their horns?" Dad: "because people are getting married there." Son: "but isn't blowing a horn actually a warning?" Dad: "exactly, my boy, exactly."

And I was just shocked. My cousins closest friends had made that group chat to discuss informations about my cousins wedding and he just posts this ridiculous image. I texted back, that based on that, he didn't sound happy in his marriage at all. His wife was furious at me for commenting that. What is wrong with people.

[–]JaneIsaPainFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yet men ask women to marry them?

Am I missing something?

[–]anotherdamnloserFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true LOL

[–]somegenerichandleFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of my male friends from highschool made a post on his anniversary about how his wife has only beat him up a couple times. I politely DMed him and told him i didn't think domestic violence should ever be a joke. He did change the message a bit.

[–]Allaboutb1FDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve seen men that were eager to get married. Men from traditional backgrounds are often under a ton of pressure from their family to get married and produce grandchildren. These men know that once they get married, they’re taken care of for life. My friend’s husband, who is from a traditional background, pushed for marriage and then a baby. I believe this was for control. He was passive-aggressive and would go into ‘helpless’ mode, where she had to literally take care of him like a child. He did this around me multiple times, presumably because he saw me as a threat. She was an independent woman, career-minded (she earned more than him), and she loved to travel by herself to exotic destinations. I just think of him as a leech draining the life out of her...

[–]tasdronFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Greg still can’t find the scissors. She left him three years ago and he’s been walking around with the tags still on new his clothes

[–]PersonalBuy0Pickmeisha™️1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, letting them get comfortable, kool girl style, is the gateway to abuse.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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