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[–]Whateverbabe2FDS Apprentice800 points801 points802 points 3 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link
Ladies, NEVER label a man as HV based off what he spends on you. Please.
I read a report from the ex wife of an asshole billionaire. I could have sworn it was Elon Musk. Anyways, their first date was nearly identical and he told her to pick out as many books as she wanted and he paid for them all.
There are a lot of men with money that know some women will be easily impressed by displays like this. But to them, that money is nothing. Just a cheap way to bypass having to earn your trust and respect. Don't fall for it.
[–]dzgataFDS Disciple273 points274 points275 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, especially rich men. A thousand dollars ain’t a thing to them. They can wipe their booty crack with that much and won’t feel a sting of pain.
Now I’m all for getting spoiled by a man, if he’s just giving you things, like why not? But it’s important to be level headed and realize this may be love bombing or a cover for his other faults etc.
[–]oreooreooreosFDS Newbie83 points84 points85 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, it’s a typical love-bombing type of situation.
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
By some of these comments...I can tell some of these ladies don’t got their game on tight. I’m getting sus as hell.
[–]fullipscurvyhipsFDS Newbie200 points201 points202 points 3 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Yes, that was Elon musk with his first wife lol - Justine. That article she wrote about the downfall of their marriage was horrifying. I feel for her.
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie61 points62 points63 points 3 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Omg i must read this! Link?
[–]not4prize2B1Throwaway Account91 points92 points93 points 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Such a good article!
https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a5380/millionaire-starter-wife/
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes you know that the other woman is being manipulated too, so you can't blame her - but you are also too powerless to warn her. You're just glad you are on the other side now - and sometimes you don't want to admit it, but you're also glad that now you aren't the one in the center of it all. I think she knew that she will be there with the kids when they are at Elon's place, so she tried to minimize the issues as much as she could. And when in the end she said that she's so blonde - she revealed that she knew that Tallulah is probably abused like she had been.
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That last sentence changed the whole positive chunk about the new (at the time) lady - it was a serious dig.
[–]fullipscurvyhipsFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Tallulah and Elon divorced and remarried two times if I remember correctly - an on/off sort of thing, she never had children with him and they are no longer together. By the way Justine describes his personality in the college days, he sounds like he was always a cold calculating compartmentalisation expert - many men are like that, extremely astute at making money and diversifying business empires, with zero concept of human integrity, decency, honour and empathy. It’s interesting because you would generally think that men who expend their energy in conflict and domination toward other men would reserve care and empathy for their women, but he clearly is one of the types who can never switch that impulse off, and fundamentally is just not really much of a good person at his core. I think Justine mentioned something like that in her article - that who he was at work, aggressive and harsh etc, morphed into who he was as a husband and a partner. I think Elon must have been very sheltered and subsequently egotistical to become so devoid of character and honourable attributes.
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like his parents worshipped him while growing up and he never learned to tolerate any kind of situations where his not needs were not paramount.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Tallulah and Elon divorced and remarried two times
God, why would you ever remarry the same person? Why?
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
M>O>N>E>Y>
[–]nottttaFDS Newbie128 points129 points130 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh my god the fact that Elon used the term "emotional manipulation" for her being sad about losing her son to SIDS really hits home for me. My ex used to say the SAME thing when I cried... that I was just manipulating him. Why are these men so deranged?
[–]dzgataFDS Disciple98 points99 points100 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s because when they cry they use it as a manipulation tool, that’s why they think sincere tears or pain is fake. A lot of scrotes only express sadness when manipulating a woman into taking more abuse and staying or forgiving them.
[–]WhoopassDietFDS Newbie47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah, it's because they're not sad at all, so you feeling sadness must be fake too, and therefore emotional manipulation.
And that means they either need a psychologist 10 year ago, or they're inhuman monsters and you need to run the fuck away.
[–]buttercupcake23FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Along with the rest of the very good reasons already posted - because everything must be about them of revolve around them, so when a woman cries it cant be about anything else, it clearly must only be about manipulating them.
[–]SearchLightsIncFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Im the alpha in this marriage"
Right elon... right..
[–]7102aFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I truly despise Elon Musk.🤢 I hate that he is with Grimes now, it disturbs me to think of how he must treat such a beautiful spirit like her.
[–]Horror_Maize_6546FDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Musk literally admitted he is unable to be alone. HUGE red flag already
[–]Silverpool201888 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Very true. Sometimes this sub places too much value on spending power, while ignoring the fact that it is also a red flag that you are treated like someone who can be influenced by gifts easily. This could very well keep you blind from all other issues.
There are other more important markers of generosity in a person which cannot be overlooked.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple50 points51 points52 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There was a post here a while ago about a woman who thought she had found a HVM because in 2 weeks of dating and knowing each other they were already exclusive and he had taken her on 6 dates where he paid everything and in one of them he took her shopping. I'm not saying it's not nice to be treated and we should be treated by men but this reeked like love bombing and it's not that hard for a man with means to do all this in a span of a few weeks and then when the woman is under their hold do a 180. We need to keep observing.
[–]sxfjcg9900FDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yup, just like Cardi B’s LVM husband Offset, who is trying to win her back after cheating with a Bentley.
[–]fart-baselFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cardi B can buy her own Bentley.
I will never understand the low self worth so many rich female celebrities have.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, a man can only labeled HVM after a long time of consistent dating, and even so we have to keep being observance.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I don't know why this post is being upvoted so much. Isn't this a flag for lovebombing? You hope they're just a nice person, but it just sounds like lovebombing...
[–]littleredpartydress_FDS Newbie53 points54 points55 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I think it depends on how he spends money on you if he does it genuinely not flashy and doesn’t expect you to be over the moon and impressed then I think it’s a good sign ( not definitive) but if he expects excessive praise and keeps flaunting his money over you then it’s something to be suspicious of becauee he thinks you and your afffection are a price tag
[–]thinktwiceorelseFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I used to have a friend who came from a poor background, and she met a rich boyfriend who would buy a stuff for her, but she was told by him to share photos on her Instagram with comments like: Present from my honey.💛
[–]littleredpartydress_FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
See that’s really weird to me
[–]imanewwoman1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No. Some LVM truly enjoy spluring on women they like. But is simply means nothing without real respect.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This! A rich man spoiling us materially is not a sure sign that a man is HVM. We need to take into account several other factors and observe through a long time of consistent dating.
[–]mi1km0onFDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup not to forget love bombing with gifts and spending early on? It’s happened to me, just because they will spend on you early doesn’t mean they’re HV.
[–]fart-baselFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This tweet made me cringe. In fact I would be suspicious of a man’s intentions if he is buying me a bunch of things ON A FIRST DATE. An offer to pay for the meal is one thing but buying me things as we stroll? I can support myself, thanks.
Buying you things early on is a sign of love bombing to come and not true generosity, IMO. Everything has its time and place.
[–]buttercupcake23FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. Buying things, extravagant gifts and such on the first date are a super red flag to me. Not just because its cringy and like...a bit desperate? Like we barely know each other so are you trying to buy a shortcut to my affections? But also because it's kinda manipulative.
This isnt a standard thing that women expect on a date, let alone a first date. It puts the woman in a super weird and awkward position, like if you decline are you just being an ungrateful bitch? If you agree too easily are you just using him? If you do permit the gift, it's likely now you also feel some pressure to show "gratitude" which can translate real fast into "you owe me".
Several dates in, if theres an actual relationship, its a thoughtful and generous gift, it's a sweet and romantic gesture. And a guy who did this for me on like our 12th date would score some major points. But first date - super massive blazing red flags.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally agree. It's one thing for a man to buy us things after a while of dating and I appreciate that but on a first date? I don't think I like this dynamic.
Paying for the meal and etc yes he should definitely pay, but why were they strolling around buying things on a first date? Was there even a proper date thing like a meal in a good restaurant or something or was it just meeting to stroll around and buy things? Walking around in shops or library doesnt seem like a good first date to me. Was this an updated version of a walk date/running errand date but where the man is not as cheap and buys things for the woman?
[–]finalbosskittenFDS STRATEGY COACH10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, where's the appeal? It's like a regular date...except there was no real planning about the locale (she had to go there) and it probably was more $$$ than dinner. Not at all surprised someone as posturing as Elon did the same.
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True but generosity is included in HVMs. Don’t go into a pick me mentality. Always be careful...always vet.
[–]voodo2020FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I totally agree with you..the thing is that there are still stingy and frugal rich men out there trying to get into womens pants with zero investment! It happened to me lmao
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A stingy man is an immediate "no". A man who pays for stuff is a "let's wait and see".
[–]Horror_Maize_6546FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree.
My ex was a toxic partner, most likely a narcissistic one. He would buy me gifts, even expensive ones. But:
- typically things he liked, hence, perfumes he wanted to smell on me, or, other gifts he could use as well
- typically expecting pretty much the same (if not more) in return
[–]SkiesEclipseFDS Apprentice241 points242 points243 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I remember going on a date with this rich guy who was in banking. He picked me up in a beautiful sports car. He took me to a very exclusive restaurant in the city. He then rented out this dessert place just for the two of us. He opened every door for me, took out every chair, and paid for everything.
I wasn’t feeling the conversation with him however, and wasn’t really into him. At the end of the night, he leaned in for a kiss and I said no. I left and went home. Next day he blows up my phone, says he doesn’t want anything to do with a spoiled brat who couldn’t at least kiss the man who paid for her time.
Guys who think like that look at you as a prostitute, not a potential future wife. You have to be just as wary of wealthy men, if not more, because they will try to manipulate you and use their wealth as leverage to control you.
A HVM isn’t the richest guy you can find. He’s the man who is financially stable, AND has good character and makes you his priority.
[–]whatprettygirlwhereFDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you so much for sharing this experience. I think it's incredibly valuable for people, especially the younger members here who might have less experience and equate money with value.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple96 points97 points98 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My first serious boyfriend was a programmer living in a major city, so he made really good money. He was in his mid twenties, had barely started his career, and had a higher salary than my scientist + tenured professor mother who'd been in her field for 35+ years.
I was working part time as a grocery store cashier. At the time I thought it was important for me to help pay for dates (🙄) but I couldn't afford to pay for half when he only wanted to go to expensive restaurants, bars, theaters, etc. He claimed he didn't care but would later lord it over me.
This is why I find it so laughable when people try to write FDS off as gold digging. We can't stress enough that money isn't the be all, end all. Rich men can be and often are LVM.
[–]lvioletsnowFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Having money's not everything, not having it is.
Very broadly speaking.
[–]Few_DirectionFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
wow preach!! thank you for that, women everywhere need to understand this. that’s an amazing story and example of how absolutely entitled wealthy men can be. they really think they can buy you, although not specifically telling you for sex, but in the form of lavish gifts to get you there. they really have no ounce of respect for you as a person. don’t fall for it y’all
[–]Eli1984FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your last sentence x1000 💕
[–]textbasedpanda160 points161 points162 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That is a really sweet gesture but "real HVM shit" should be reserved for idk, demonstrated commitment over time maybe.
[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Money, time AND effort.
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Seriously. Like what is high value about this alone? Imagine this, someone buys you something like alright so high value. How about making you feel completely secure, safe, happy and taken care of in EVERY way? Nah he buys me stuff. I can't even.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly the part of the world where I am from, a bookstore can be a restaurant/coffee place merged into one. So you can drink and dine, while being able to purchase books. Still, it is almost always more of a coffee place than a restaurant. This post is just silly.
[–]SweetlikecreamFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly! It takes like 3 months of decent consistency at LEAST to say HVM
[–]vibewitheasiFDS Newbie157 points158 points159 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My current boyfriend bought me some things for my gaming setup and took me shopping while we were dating and getting to know each other. I’ve never been spoiled before and he says he just likes to see me happy. Like okay, way to show that you wanna get picked 🥰
[–]Whateverbabe2FDS Apprentice42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'm not saying to date a poor man. I'm saying just because a man has $ doesn't mean he's HV.
However, congrats on your HVM! Sounds like a wonderful relationship, and I wish you the best Queen!
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]vibewitheasiFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I agree, he’s invested in me in ways more than money but I’ve been with men who have had money and wouldn’t even help me pay my rent when I was short and would watch me struggle and cry. Its nice knowing that when he has it you will also have it, if that makes sense. It’s a trait I’m looking for
[–]kinguniaFDS Newbie155 points156 points157 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Stop romanticizing spending money on you, I really don’t like the direction this sub is taking right now. Spending money doesn’t mean shit, trust me, I was on really expensive first dates with stalkers and cheaters. pay attention to his character and if he wants to get to know you, if he respects you. Paying for the first date is neutral for me - I’m not gonna get impressed by basic decency. If you want to impress me, respect me and show me that you are a good person who really wants to get to know me.
[–]suncolorFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. I read the image and was surprised by the # of upvotes in correlation to the caption.
[–]poisoncrackersFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? I’ve had both...guys with money and guys without. It seems mostly irrelevant to what kind of person they are. I had someone who appeared to be a HVM at first glance. Smart guy, went to MIT and worked a high paying engineering job...talks about emotions, wanting kids and a family, etc. Second date was a last minute off Broadway show, with an expensive dinner, dressed up and all that. Guess what? Third date...He came over in jeans and a hoodie and ghosted me within a week when I didn’t take his pants off that night.
Current squeeze works in finance and is currently divorced. He’s paying a lot in child support to keep his kids in the same home for school stability. He doesn’t have a lot of flexibility financially but he still pays when we do go out, and then also cooks for me, make sure my car gets inspected, fixes things for me, etc. It’s 100% not about lavish gifts and big spending.
Financial stability in a man is important too but this why I have my own career! My mom always told me never to rely on a man for financial support and that advice has never let me down.
[–]SadClownProstituteFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I couldn't agree more! This focus on money and how much he'll spend is honestly making us sound like a bunch of sugar baby wanna-be's. I get that FDS is about finding a man who is capable of and willing to provide, but buying big-ticket gifts early on means nothing.
You have no idea how much credit card debt this guy has racked up in order to impress his first dates. You have no idea whether $500 on books even means anything to him at all.
It's important for a guy to have his finances in order, but money isn't the thing that makes a man HV, and I keep seeing so many posts here and on AskFDS that are starting with "he shows HV traits like he paid for dinner without complaining" - y'all, that's just good manners. A one-time early display of good manners doesn't guarantee that a man is HV.
Quit assigning them HV labels just because they paid for something early on!
[–]Sad-Pumpkin5019Throwaway Account118 points119 points120 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is a sweet gesture for sure, don’t overlook it. However I think what some people are trying to say is that a lot of LVM actually start off this way. A lot of men are extremely sweet at first. They show their true colors much later so enjoy this but don’t let it cloud your judgment later. If things do change that is.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yep! Book shopping is great, but it’s not FDS if it is a first date. This is very clear in the FDS handbook, and it appears that many commenters have not read the handbook before posting.
[removed]
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think people are just saying to not put too mich stock into a man spending large amounts of money on you or any woman because it can mean nothing to them. In fact, it can be lorded over the woman later on. So just, you know, put more stock into consistent behaviors, I guess? Especially the first six months to a year...
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope. No one is telling “people to live by the handbook”, the sub is explicitly one strategy. If you comment here, you will be called out for not aligning with the subs rules. If you don’t align with FDS, no point commenting on this sub. FDS values are non-negotiable. There is no such thing as FDS lite.
It is literally FDS to have a dinner date as your first date to allow for thorough vetting. 🤦♀️
[–]PartypuppersFDS Apprentice39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't mean to sound like a snob here but y'all need to level up in your finances and your lifestyle and stop being so easily impressed.
Buying a few books is not that expensive and you should aim to be in a financial position where a guy being able to afford a few simple books shouldn't set your heart racing. Honestly, raise your expectations! Books aren't that expensive. Raise your standard of living! Be in a position where you can buy yourself some boujie ass jewellery and designer handbags. Have a 6 month emergency fund. Don't date with a broke-woman's mentality.
Next time a guy does something like this, be gracious and thank him for his kindness but keep vetting him. It's not only about money, but about if he can demonstrate HV traits and consistency over a long period of time. I can guarantee you that if you've got your own finances, education and shit together, you won't be so easily impressed or swayed, because you can already provide for yourself.
Keep your standards high ladies.
[–]Summerisle7FDS Disciple16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
THIS. A shopping date is kind of weird. We don't need men to buy things for us, we have our own money. I hate shopping with males anyway, they get impatient and won't let me browse properly.
[–]marasloveFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly, at first I thought this gesture was cute and didn't understand the comments but I feel like yours made it easier for me to fully understand. It is clear that financially she is not there. It happens, life sucks sometimes. However, when you have your own shit, you're not really impressed by things like this. I love being bought stuff, yes, but I love being able to afford stuff on my own more. I heavily agree with you. She's too excited and amping him up too fast.
[–]PartypuppersFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't get me wrong, the gesture is cute but her reaction is problematic for the reasons I outlined above!
[–]divination__FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the amount of likes and RTs this has goes to show how women are so desperate to experience anything but the bare minimum from a man
Don't feel bad. We're all learning constantly, and we're all here because we've all made mistakes. 🙋
[–]artistaajoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is no need to apologize. Youre all good :) I wouldn't take this upon yourself
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice139 points140 points141 points 3 years ago* (25 children) | Copy Link
This isn’t HV at all? FDS doesn’t advocate these kinds of “dates” in the beginning. Read the handbook.
Edit directed to fellow newbies: when told to read the handbook, it is not an attack, it is an explicit sub rule to read the handbook before posting. While you may have your own opinions about what makes a quality relationship, that’s fine, but don’t debate it on FDS as FDS principles are non-negotiable. This isn’t a debating sub, it is specifically one strategy. There is no FDS lite, just FDS. The handbook covers this clearly.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice93 points94 points95 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This.
Also, buying books doesn't mean anything. Elon Musk bought his ex-wife Justine books on one of their first dates, and he treated her like shit when they were married.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Right? Running errands isn’t a date. What is wrong with these people?!
[–]foppish_aplombFDS Newbie55 points56 points57 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don’t think shopping for books is considered an errand but maybe that’s just me
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I meant it as a general, for lack of a better word, as there appears to be a flux of errand-like, general living skill based “dates”. Book shopping is wonderful, a treat in itself. Still definitely not FDS if it is a first date.
[–]whatprettygirlwhereFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A bookstore is not a date location. How do you even find yourself in that situation?
Reminds me of being 15 and going on "dates" to the mall.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. This post is rife with women who have not read the handbook.
[–]PahapanFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂
[–]fdsacct9630 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sooo you’re supposed to walk around and what? Get coffee and books? A date that lasts maybe a half hour? Hmmm...
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I think people are more focusing on the fact that he's beinging the woman shopping. Just because a man buys things and spends a lot of money on a woman does not necessarily make him high value. He did not choose the items for her. She chooses the items, he just provides the money and reaps the benefits. And he can lord this over the woman later on. "What do you mean you feel neglected? Don't buy you everything you ask for? You're selfish!" That kind of thing.
I think it's sort of telling that a lot of women here are making excuses for this, saying it's a "high value" act, even if he "consistently" buys her books/whatever material things she chooses for herself that he doesn't really put any thought into himself. Think about it. He did not pick out the books for her after getting to know what her interest were. She picked out the books and he just paid for them. She still did all the work. How is that "high value"?
I'm just trying to show things from the FDS side. I agree that there can be exceptions. But this specific bookstore example, especially in light of Elon Musk? This specific example is not an exception to the rule. We as women need to stop over-examining and making excuses for this type of stuff... I know we all slip up every now and then (I do all the time), but we need to be able to see these things before we get in too deep...
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
For a dinner date, there are so many more factors at play: is he choosing a place he likes, convenient to you/safe for you to arrive to on your own, has gopd reviews? How does he treat the hostess/waitstaff? Does he try to order for you? Does he respect any dietary restrictions? You have time to discuss more intimate subjects in a more relaxed setting than just walking around a store somewhere where he can get distracted by objects and be low-effort by using material things to create a false flow of conversation. Does he tip? Etc, etc, etc.
Everyone is telling you to read the handbook for a reason. And I am just saying, these "excuses" that we make for these types of men and focusing on the "spending money" part is how the LVMs and PickMes see FDS. They see us as manipulative and focused on manipulating men into spending money on us and tricking rich men into relationships. That is not what FDS is about, and if you read any part of the handbook, you would understand that instead of focusing on the "men should be spending money on women and showering them with gifts". So many here are saying that's not what they want because we can buy what we want with our own money, and that still puts all the emotional effort on the woman in the relationship.
Edited for typos
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My point exactly. You get it. 👑
[–]CravingSatisfactionThrowaway Account-5 points-4 points-3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well first, no one has told me specifically to read the handbook. I’ve read it, thanks for your concern.
I understand why dinner is a good fist date and great for vetting. I just also think there are other great first dates as well. My only point in bringing up the cost of the dinner was to parallel it with the fact that you mentioned how “shopping” was a bad date activity, ignoring the other elements that went into what I perceived to be thoughtful because it was curated to her tase and would be something he knew she would enjoy.
I guess I interpreted the handbook as a guide but you seem to be well versed in your understanding of this group and how it’s meant to run so I’ll take your word for it.
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think with your attitude, maybe this subreddit is maybe not for you yet? I don't mean that in an exclusionary way, but it's pretty cut and dry and laid all out in the handbook and subreddit rules. You're focusing on one thing here, and it just happens to be the one thing that the !ncels and PickMes constantly and incorrectly criticize, insult and harass women on this subreddit for.
I can't force you to see something you don't want to see. You're free to live your life however you want.
[–]CravingSatisfactionThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I literally just said that I’ll take your interpretation above my own because you seem more knowledgeable on the subject. I don’t really know what else there is beyond that...
I simply explained my original line of thinking and why I asked the question I asked for clarity.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed.
I think the key point here is high value is shown by consistency. You can fake good deeds for a while but high value is shown via generosity and kindness over a long period of time.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Okay, but it isn’t FDS to have a first date as going to a bookshop. This isn’t just my opinion, it’s FDS. Read the handbook.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, reading the handbook is a rule. The fact that you’ve indicated you’re not understanding why something is being dismissed is because FDS isn’t a relationship debating sub, it is one specific strategy. Also there is an auto-comment on every post that specifically mentions this in point 2.
[–]CravingSatisfactionThrowaway Account1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Right, I get that. I guess even after having read the handbook, it seemed that there are specific things that we should be looking for in a partner and ways of weeding through LVM.
I thought it was to make women aware of the ways that we are often gaslit and taken advantage of in relationships and how society has been curated in many ways to be catered to men — especially in regards to dating. Essentially offering a basic guideline on how to navigate the current dating sphere and find a good partner.
I suppose I figured that was more of a guide than a literal, “you have to take these exact steps or stfu.”
I’m still new so I guess I was wrong.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The thing is, if you only apply FDS in small parts to your life, it never works. FDS is all about maximum benefit for YOU! Prioritising yourself and thorough vetting of male behaviour before giving him the privilege of your companionship.
And that’s the part where a lot of pickme’s struggle, they have low self-esteem and don’t believe that they have high value so they think it’s arrogant to believe that someone needs to be deserving of your time. I work hard, I take good care of myself, I have strong values, a man needs to prove himself to me because I have a lot to offer. What does he bring to my table that I don’t already have? This is what FDS is.
So taking you on low effort “date”, buying you books is poor form and lazy as there won’t be enough discussion to allow for the woman to do her vetting! Bookshop trips are great if he’s your actual boyfriend or husband, but definitely not a first date.
Also, it’s fine to be new, but it’s important to lurk a bit, read the rules, wiki etc, of a sub before contributing. And it takes a solid level of self-reflection to call yourself out btw! Not enough people do that on Reddit ☺️
[–]MRgoudaonionspicklesFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Only impressive if the bookstore was a college one, and those were hardcover textbooks...
then you have my attention, SIR. hahaha
[–]yellowpagethingiesFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm so glad other most women here have commented the same thing what I was thinking. First time I read this photo with its title, I could already smell love bombing in this situation.
[–][deleted] 50 points51 points52 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That isn’t a date. I don’t like what this post is implying.
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh. No.
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What kind of shit is that? Just because you’re a student and can’t yet afford to buy several books in one go, it’s not a HV or even a grand gesture.
[–][deleted] 37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Y’all end up being Cardi B and Offset. “He cheated with 10 girls but he bought me Rolls Royce so he’s forgiven ... he loves me so much, this is real love” Men with money don’t care , they spent it to buy your trust.
Also BOOKS are chap AF, you guys are for real??? You can buy yourself like 5 hardcover books? That’s like 100 is that, let him buy you a diner for 500 like a real man🙄
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your two statements are completely contradictory.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I guess i should edit that to further specify that : 1. if him spending money on you IS important to you then buying books ain't it, go for Rolls Royce and be Cardi. Othewise you're selling yourself short for books like a broke college girl and it will attract men that can buy you books for an exchange of sex. You're not "acting" as high value because you show him that you read, you're cheap investment to him if he's going for sex.
[–]LizardInFirstFDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My father always substituted money for love or time, so I’m keen to avoid that dynamic in my choice of partner. My boyfriend makes good money and is financially stable, but for my birthday he spent time on me as well as money. It meant a lot.
[–]UnstrirringCoffeeFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure, this is financially generous, but it's not much of a date. Browsing and selecting books to buy is a solitary activity. Plus, this requires no planning and no preparation and requires little to no effort in trying to impress your date with your conversation skills and personal grooming.
[–]Accountabili_BuddyFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Adding this to the list!
[–]jodibusch1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is this being posted here? How is this HVM behavior? Maybe to a 10 year old who never owned a book in her life. This is grooming an object for conquest. Nothing about this is HV. No need to have an actual conversation in a bookstore, now is there? Sounds to me like a man with aspergers found an easy way to avoid uncomfortable connection with a human.
[–]suspended_animation_FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would never meet a guy at a bookstore again. I got sexually assaulted and I had to sneak out.
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
😭😭😭😭this is all I want!
And I don’t even mean just having the money to spend on it. I mean having someone who encourages to be yourself, to learn, to enjoy your hobby without making you feel weird about it. Bc YES I have met guys who literally tease me for reading so much. I’m so confused.
[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to work on your confidence in yourself girl! Don’t even allow a guy like that to enter your life, yet alone make comments about you like that! Don’t be afraid to be picky, do your vetting!
[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh no I know! I’m covered, haha. I’m just saying it exists out there. That’s usually my cue to exit stage left.
[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Before y’all go into money isn’t anything...
It’s in the FDS rules. You should be vetting men and testing them...
Do not come is here saying shit. I’ve had HVMs give me money and they were HVMs.
It’s weird that’s it’s creeping to pick meisha territory.
Do your research.
[–]imanewwoman0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Are American men so cheap that women feel like a man who pampers them are special? Come on. In my experience from dating men from several countries, they find it extremely easy to spend on women - actually, SPLURGING - unless they are extremely stingy!
This mean absolutely nothing if the respect and emotional support isn’t there. Even if the man hasn’t got much money and worked hard to earn it, it might mean nothing at all.
I expect being treated with gifts and nice dates as one of the minimum requirements for a man to show interest in me. I’ve seen so many times that non-rich, shitty partners can give great gifts such as taking you out shopping, pay for all dates, buy you plane tickets, jewerly, etc and genuinely enjoy doing it. It can mean something, and it can mean nothing as well - doesn’t even matter how much he earns.
Have you ever spent dumb amounts of money in whatever crossed your mind even in you didn’t actually need it - like eating out, clothes, shoes. Yeah, that easy is for men to spend money on you as well.
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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