Some dating coaches for women advise that they’re better off “just being” than they are trying to prove themselves on dates. I’ve realized that I really don’t enjoy dating. The guy I saw last week (we went out to a sit down restaurant; he volunteered to pay) has since been texting me and asking to talk on the phone here and there. I agreed to talk on the phone once since our date, but I haven’t gotten back to him since because I’ve been busy with work and self-care. I’m also put off because we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and he seems to regard me as such already. I don’t have energy and time to just throw at a near-stranger. I’m not anyone’s perpetually available companion, conversationalist, or pet woman.

It all makes me wonder: why date? It feels very energy-intensive. It requires a lot from me. I find myself trying to prove and qualify myself. Since the date I’ve been asking myself why I was so quick to agree to go out with him. I don’t regret it because I’m new to dating and relationships and I wanted to explore and experience dating - that was part of the reason I was so game. However, now that I’ve tried it, I have to wonder how I’d be compelled to go on another one if it resembles the last one I went on. When I consider how I could alternatively relax at home, hang out with a friend, or organize my life/take care of my body, I have to wonder why I’d instead choose to sit in front of someone while they evaluate me and question me, trying to make sure I have interesting enough hobbies, trying to make sure I’m cultured enough, smart enough, etc. And, if guys are generally like the one I saw last week, then they’re not actually that hard to win over. That makes me even more intrigued at why I try to prove myself so badly.

Society perpetuates the idea that if a woman can get a date, she’s accomplished something amazing - she’s attractive, she’s wanted. In a way, that’s like saying that “getting” to volunteer at a soup kitchen it an incredible feat. Both dating and volunteering for charity can be very energy-consuming, and neither put money in my bank account or otherwise ease my burdens in life. Both leave me feeling like I did something for someone else, but not myself.

I can see why sugar babies are a thing, and I suspect 90% of the appeal of having a sugar baby has nothing to do with sex.