Some dating coaches for women advise that they’re better off “just being” than they are trying to prove themselves on dates. I’ve realized that I really don’t enjoy dating. The guy I saw last week (we went out to a sit down restaurant; he volunteered to pay) has since been texting me and asking to talk on the phone here and there. I agreed to talk on the phone once since our date, but I haven’t gotten back to him since because I’ve been busy with work and self-care. I’m also put off because we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend and he seems to regard me as such already. I don’t have energy and time to just throw at a near-stranger. I’m not anyone’s perpetually available companion, conversationalist, or pet woman.
It all makes me wonder: why date? It feels very energy-intensive. It requires a lot from me. I find myself trying to prove and qualify myself. Since the date I’ve been asking myself why I was so quick to agree to go out with him. I don’t regret it because I’m new to dating and relationships and I wanted to explore and experience dating - that was part of the reason I was so game. However, now that I’ve tried it, I have to wonder how I’d be compelled to go on another one if it resembles the last one I went on. When I consider how I could alternatively relax at home, hang out with a friend, or organize my life/take care of my body, I have to wonder why I’d instead choose to sit in front of someone while they evaluate me and question me, trying to make sure I have interesting enough hobbies, trying to make sure I’m cultured enough, smart enough, etc. And, if guys are generally like the one I saw last week, then they’re not actually that hard to win over. That makes me even more intrigued at why I try to prove myself so badly.
Society perpetuates the idea that if a woman can get a date, she’s accomplished something amazing - she’s attractive, she’s wanted. In a way, that’s like saying that “getting” to volunteer at a soup kitchen it an incredible feat. Both dating and volunteering for charity can be very energy-consuming, and neither put money in my bank account or otherwise ease my burdens in life. Both leave me feeling like I did something for someone else, but not myself.
I can see why sugar babies are a thing, and I suspect 90% of the appeal of having a sugar baby has nothing to do with sex.
[–]FDS-GFYFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012FDS Newbie[S] 13 points14 points15 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Phoenix__Rising2018Ruthless Strategist[M] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Madame-BonfamilleFDS Newbie 15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]questionasker012FDS Newbie[S] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HomeGrownInDallasFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]all_or_nothing_betFDS Apprentice 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]vbych76FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frustratedmarxistfemFDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link