Rejection is redirection

K0rla · 2021-06-20T14:52:06+00:00

Is this me some years ago? A situationship that he clearly didn’t want to turn into anything else, while I convinced myself I was okay with it, because those crumbs were better than nothing?

That shit really messed up my self-esteem, so if anyone reading this find themselves in this situation, take a step back and ask yourself, is this adding something to your life? Is it making you feel loved? If you need to “convince” someone to like you, it’s clear they’re not interested. It’s better to leave and hurt for a bit, than to have someone playing your feelings.

battle_unicorn3 · 2021-06-20T14:42:26+00:00

I liked this reminder to focus on oneself and not make something work with the wrong person or put forth the effort for the wrong person that doesn't like you.

I tend to shut down with rejection, so maybe the mantra that rejection can just be redirection is good. I had a relationship for 4 years with a guy that never really liked me and though we had a period of time where we said I love you, he finally admitted he wasn't in love with me and that combined with other issues let me finally choose myself and break up with him.

ninefiveoneone · 2021-06-20T16:13:01+00:00

I really needed this today. I am in the very same situation with a male friend and suffering because of it, I’ve been lying to myself and pretending I am okay being his “best friend” who he treats as essentially his GF until he wants to flirt with another girl or wants to live the bachelor life or has to put in any real emotional work. I need to end the friendship but haven’t had the courage to break away

The thing is though, I’m not waiting for the love of my life. I’ve already found the love of my life—it’s myself. I need to remember that.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-06-20T18:55:08+00:00

I think another good takeaway message is: you can’t make someone like you.

Both men and women like to think the opposite sex is mysterious, and if we discover some sort of trick we can infatuate them into liking us— sorry but it ain’t true. Put it into another perspective, it’s like saying a scrote you hate read a bunch of dating advice and tried to make you like him. It almost never works.

The only exception might be familiarity breeding liking, which is a known psychological concept where we (generally) like things that are familiar to us. But even with this there has to be some initial form of attraction. Another tidbit: if you’re thinking of doing this to make someone like you, it probably won’t work because you already have an interest in them. It’s much harder to replicate once you have feelings.

rosiesux · 2021-06-20T14:57:34+00:00

wow this video brought back awful memories of dealing with a similar situation when in my late teens. just let him lie and gaslight me and convinced myself it was fine because i “loved him”. it did a number on my self worth it was awful

12thwizard · 2021-06-20T18:59:12+00:00

She has met the love of her life. It's her. She is the love of her life. I am SO giddy to hear such a fabulous woman say that she chose herself - but there is just one more step here! To realize that we are our own greatest love is the gift of a lifetime. Someone link her to FDS!!

miss_peach94 · 2021-06-20T14:41:14+00:00

All this did was make me mad as hell that men often date women they don't like to pass time

immortallogic · 2021-06-20T19:12:13+00:00

Why is she still texting him though?

ShegoGreen · 2021-06-20T15:15:25+00:00

I know this is off topic but:

He didn't like her romantically, but he still wanted her company and attention? What happens to alot of women is that men think they can emotionally dump their issues on us because they are otherwise incapable of being vulnerable, "with the boys." Ultimately, men still crave the care, compassion, and attention from women. It further proves how valuable our time and focus is. Any man that wants it needs to make the effort to get it and keep it.

FDS-GFY · 2021-06-20T18:03:45+00:00

If a stunning girl like this is struggling to stay at peace with herself I can be a lot kinder to myself than I am.

Posietuck · 2021-06-20T15:04:12+00:00

This is a great reminder to chose yourself always👏🏽You got this ladies☺️

curiousandbashful · 2021-06-20T21:11:56+00:00

Rejection is also protection

waddamelone · 2021-06-20T16:09:23+00:00

How come everytime I feel shitty about dating/love/men, there’s always an FDS post that comes up a few hours later that says EXACTLY what I need to hear? Coincident? I think not!

Really needed to hear this after something that happened yesterday. I love FDS man.

FunnyGreatFalcon · 2021-06-20T16:25:44+00:00

I mean, I don't like her reasoning that: "I'm going to meet somebody that's going to change my life and I'm going to feel a life deeper than the ocean."

Fuck that! I'm here for me! No one could ever love me more than I love myself.

Lavender_flow · 2021-06-21T08:39:05+00:00

I think there are a lot of good messages in this post, but what I disagree on is the whole "I am going to meet the one and he is going to change my life". Giiirl, be the change you want in life. Stop waiting for a man to be those things, which you can be for yourself. This "prince charming, save me" kind of mindset ultimately sets you up for disappointment, relying on a man for this is how so many women end up in abusive relationships, abusers thrive on these things and they start with the love bombing. Be strong in yourself and if the right man comes along and loves you like you deserve, then that is great. But this whole "mr right" mindset keeps women back. You deserve to meet a great guy, but he does not need to "change your life" or "make you whole", you can be a whole ass person without a man and still want a partner, but you just will not settle for mistreatment.

I feel she will put up with a lot of shit from a man who says he loves her and marries her with this mindset and as I said, that is how you can end up in an abusive relationship.

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2021-06-20T21:51:39+00:00

4 months of hanging out “having fun” she asked him if he even likes her he said no 🤮🤮 He knew he didn’t like her. He waited for her to bring it up. He enjoyed the benefits and knowingly strung her along while seeing other women. He’s trash.

MysteriousLife7 · 2021-06-20T22:38:27+00:00

I’ve spent so many hours in the past pining for, crying about and questioning myself for guys who obviously didn’t like me but still strung me along. I wish I could hold my past self by the collar and shrug that pickme demon off of her lol

It’s come to a point that the moment a guy isn’t romantically invested in me but wants to fuck around, I just don’t deal with it anymore. I’d think “lol a waste of my fucking time” and tell him to get lost and cut him off when he tries to propose a situationship (as if I would want his disrespectful breadcrumbs very much!)

AntiqueGhost13 · 2021-06-20T18:35:00+00:00

Blegh, currently going through the same thing, yet again. It's genuinely devastating to play house for a few months then be unceremoniously discarded when they get bored or find something "better". This is a good reminder to choose yourself and not settle for pitiful crumbs.

keepcalmandFREAKOUT · 2021-06-20T17:11:01+00:00

[deleted]

JessTheHum4n · 2021-06-20T14:25:34+00:00

People are allowed to not like you.

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-06-21T20:48:33+00:00

Yeah I’ve been there before. Honestly I was dwelling a bit on my own shit like that today and was really bummed out so I needed to hear this. Such a good reminder. These guys are all missing out. :)

Title	Rejection is redirection
Author	legally-dirty-blonde
Upvotes	1074
Comments	72
Date	June 20, 2021 2:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o46o3d/rejection_is_redirection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/rejection-is-redirection.785221 https://theredarchive.com/post/785221