Hey all! Hoping all you awesome folk can help me with something I’m working on rn.

FDS has done a LOT rebuilding my confidence, pride and self esteem since the end of my last relationship. Now that I’m trying to move toward dating (😅 just a little anxious) one of the things that I know I’m... not the best at... is actually recognizing red flags and feeling okay ending a relationship because of them.

I’m also not the best at recognizing the more nuanced red flags- like things that indicate lack of motivation, lack of responsibility, self-obsession, etc. Like a lot of women, I’ve been socialized to be very empathic and forgiving, AND my dating history has been filled with emotional, physical and sexual abuse - so the bar I’m working with is pretty low. Top it off with generalized anxiety disorder that makes listening to my “gut” hard.

Anyway, that’s all a lot of background to ask: How do you identify red flags? What are some of the more insidious red flags to look out for? And what are some good mantras/motivations you use remind yourself that it’s better to leave at the first red flag?

For instance, one of the tactics that FDS really opened my eyes to was not taking a guy home on the first date... in the past I was a sex first, dates later pick-me, and I recognize now that’s why I was often SO INTO the crusties I was getting, despite obvious red flags. So that’s definitely getting cut from rotation!

Any advice would be much appreciated 🖤