So I have came to terms with my old pickme self and the type of men I shouldn't date, but I don't know what qualities to seek. What helped you curate the qualities you look for?

DancingCatflower · 2021-06-20T00:13:45+00:00

There are posts in the "handbook" section about LV/HV traits, so you could start looking at those.

I guess some minimum requirements would be treating you with respect, on equal footing, progressing with the relationship at an adequate speed, involving you in his personal life and asking for your input in important decisions, being thoughtful and empathetic, actively pursuing an equal division of emotional, financial and physical workload in the relationship or household, and not being into porn (believe me, this is key).

However, you need to take into account that you life experiences and goals are not the same as other girls' here, ultimately, you need to determine the particular way in which those traits should be expressed.

A common example here is marriage proposals. Many of us are not fans of expensive jewelry, so instead of a big, expensive diamond ring, we'd like a custom-made piece with emotional significance. However, others like fancy jewelry and want to have those big stones on their fingers. The quality we'd be looking for here is the ability to put effort in the relationship, and it would be expressed differently according to each person's preferences, either in designing and commissioning a special piece or spending money in one.

radical__daphne · 2021-06-20T01:40:36+00:00

Sometimes I just fantasize. You own the guy, what would you want from him what would you ask from him? What do you really need. There's basics like a man who can cook and keeps his space clean and has good hygiene treats you with respect. Beyond that there are qualities like, for me specifically, I would really like someone who would want to help me with my physical pain and would look up videos on how to do massage like for my neck pain back pain leg pain. I want someone who's like me socially. Who loves to go out and have friends but also likes to stay home and also do things one-on-one with me that I'm interested in and we're both interested in.

I would say hang around here and read other women's posts on high value male partners that they have. Women talk about men who will bring them the tea they love every single morning. Or go outside and shovel the driveway of snow and start their car so it's warm for them when they leave for work. Men who always remember what you're interested in and what you love and what brings you joy and then they give it to you. They find things for you. Like if you wanted this really specific exotic expensive house plant that you're super excited about he would find it and buy it for you. He will learn your taste in jewelry and surprise you with something that fits what you like. If he knows you really want to go to the Grand canyon he'll surprise you with a trip there. He will, from the start of the relationship, be interested in and ask questions about what you are interested in, what your goals are, the future you want, the house you want, the life you want.

__kamikaze__ · 2021-06-20T03:34:09+00:00

This is going to sound like a joke, but basically men who are the opposite of my exes.

If I sense the tiniest whiff of a trait a LV ex had I’m outta there.

Hhjjuuy · 2021-06-20T03:54:38+00:00

What qualities do you provide to a partner? All I really want is someone who will reflect back to me what I've been taught I should be in a relationship. Don't compare men to other men, start by comparing them to women and then eventually you'll be able to hone that into your own specific standards.

Sage_Planter · 2021-06-20T02:20:52+00:00

What helped me curate the qualities I was looking for? Unfortunately, a lot of trial and error.

A good idea would be to read through both this sub and other subs to see what sorts of red flags and green flags show up. There's a lot of women here (like me) who are older and in relationships who stick around to try to help others figure things out without having to go through the crap we went through.

fireforestfairy · 2021-06-20T12:05:36+00:00

Being HV ultimately has to do with being a nice person with a good character. You know those traits adults teach little children to have such as being honest, responsible, kind, humble, and hardworking? Those are HV traits.

ApartPersonality · 2021-06-20T06:33:13+00:00

Idk how old you are, but if you are in your early 20s or younger, get to know yourself. Have friends, try jobs, get an education, travel if you can, have experiences, talk about life with people you trust. When you know what your values are and what you want in life, it will be easier to find a partner who has the qualities you are looking for.

Ok-Appearance5982 · 2021-06-20T13:36:44+00:00

Someone who has the same qualities as me if not better. Character: Respect, kindness, integrity, caring, affectionate etc. lifestyle: eats healthy, works out , clean and warm home, loves being in nature etc career: a job that pays well/ has a successful business . Dating/relationships : no kids, never been married , no history of treating people bad in relationships. Basically someone who has the same operating system as me or better.