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Stay woke

August 5, 2020
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[–]tiavargaFDS Newbie156 points157 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Straight.Facts. 👏 I’m a direct person so I would always ask men that were pulling away or doing the “slow fade” to tell me straight-up if they weren’t feeling it or liked someone else so I could move on. (Before I learned to just Block and Delete.) EVERY SINGLE MAN straight up lied to me and gave me excuses like they were busy or other such nonsense. I still ended up getting ghosted, even though I gave them the option of telling me the truth and being a decent person.

Also remember that most men don’t consider lying by omission lying. “Baby, you never asked if I was sleeping with her behind your back. I didn’t lie!”

[–]sasha78334FDS Newbie44 points45 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yess I’ve said “if you don’t like me and don’t want to continue talking to me just say” to be lied to and dragged along for even longer. Lesson learned lol.

[–]bringtwizzlersFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same. I just...do not.. and will never understand these dumbasses.

[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got back in touch with an abusive ex awhile ago 🤡 (not in contact anymore), and on our first conversation I asked him if he was with anyone and he said no. Week or so later he juuust barely admitted to being in a FWB..after we already did sexual things 🤡🤡 🤡. Called him out on it and he said "you asked if I was 'with anyone's like in a relationship, I'm not in a relationship with her just FWB".

He used me for what he wanted and that was that 🤡.

[–]lluuniFDS Newbie89 points90 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s funny because men generally love saying hurtful things. They view it as being “realistic”, “logical”, “savage”, and “intelligent”. But then suddenly they pretend to be empathetic when they don’t want you to react to something they did. It’s all to serve themselves in the end.

[–]TrueExtentFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Despite knowing damn well what they've said is hurtful, they use the excuse "it's your problem for reacting that way". No accountability, no empathy.

[–]sweetpotatocupcakeFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These comments describes my emotionally abusive ex down to the letter. This is why I love this sub. I've realized so much.

[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist154 points155 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Ohhh my fucking god this is so true. A great example is men who ride motorcycles.

In couples where the man rides and the woman doesn't, she usually wants to be the #1 priority in his life, but in his mind the bike will always come first, sometimes even above his own children if they have any.

I wish more guys would just straight-up tell her that the bike will always be #1 and let her make the choice of whether or not she wants that type of relationship. But they never do, instead they just say or don't say whatever they need to keep her around for sex, cooking, cleaning, and raising his kids for him.

This dynamic is the basis of many jokes in the moto world: "my girlfriend asked which would I choose: her or the bike? I told her not to ask questions where she won't like the answer!" or middle aged divorced men whining "my bitch ex-wife wouldn't let me buy a new Harley, she forced me to buy a crossover for taking the kids to soccer practice, pity me!"

Now, I ride too, and although I absolutely love it, it's just a fun hobby and a form of transportation. Whereas for a lot of male riders, it is literally their whole life and reason for existing, the only thing that brings them joy. Motorcycles will always be their one true love, their "therapy", their everything.

Once, I was on a ride with an ex (I was a passenger) and he lost traction and slid off the road. Instead of making sure I was ok, he went over to the bike FIRST to check the damage, turn the engine off, pull it upright and onto the road. Then he was like "oh right I had a passenger" as an afterthought, and came over to the ditch I was lying in to see if I was alright (I wasn't) then immediately reverted his attention back to his bike while dialing 911.

Later, I was ugly crying at him, arguing like "you don't even care about me! You love the bike more! You would have let me die on the side of the road! Would you even mourn my death or would you just grieve over the scratched fairings??!?!!" and he totally bullshitted me saying "baby of course I love and care about you, but also, you're making a big deal out of nothing, you weren't gonna die, just had some road rash and bruises, I care more about my passengers than my own life, blah blah blah." I broke up with him that night because his actions spoke louder than his words.

I believe that they are like this because they want a devoted woman who treats him like her #1 priority, but they don't want to have to do the same for her. They just want the "use of a woman" and refuse to be honest about their priorities because they know we would leave them if they told the truth.

[–]BeanBongFDS Newbie31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yikes. This is so bad, it’s almost unbelievable. I’m glad you dropped him. He was a selfish leech

[–]myousernameRuthless Strategist24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To be fair though, the specific guy I was dating at the time was a total jackass and a narcissist. I hate saying NAMALT but also, I'd hate to stereotype all motorcyclists.

Just watch any motorcycle crash compilation of a group ride and you'll see guys treating their buddies the same way. Some will rush to their friend's bike to turn off the engine, pick it up, and collect any fragments on the road, and only then be like "you ok bro?" Others will attend to their friend right away and call 911, and then go "oh shit, the bike!"

[–][deleted] 187 points188 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Men always look out for #1. It doesn’t matter how “HV” they are or how much they claim to love you, at the end of the day their all looking out for #1 even if it goes directly against your well-being.

[–]DelicateDreamFDS Disciple68 points69 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is why your well being has to be felt as rewarding to a man. HV men love almost nothing more than being the hero or the problem solver or giver of pleasure. Healthy masculine energy is giving and doing and accomplishing and getting results. For a HV man, your happiness and pleasure is WINNING for him. You have to weed out men who view your well being as a burden and not a goal.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie47 points48 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

"She's enjoying her life, accomplishing her goals, taking the time to appreciate the important people in her life, and feeling appreciated, loved and validated in return. Let's ruin all that just for shits and giggles!"

[–]DelicateDreamFDS Disciple32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes LVM hate to see you happy and thriving. They view it as a competition and threat to their ego. The lower you are, the easier it is for them to outdo you and feel “big”. They think they win by keeping you down.

HVM feels he wins by boosting you up. Is it still about his ego? Yeah. And that’s why we keep the rose coloured glasses off.

[–]chimkencrimpiesFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My ex. He would deliberately try to humiliate or undercut me when I felt happy, confident or was successful in my ambitions. Emasculated by everyone and everything. I feel like I’m recovering from a parasite infestation.

[–]phantorgasmicFDS Newbie86 points87 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men always look out for #1.

Yep, so it’s only fair that us ladies do the same! 👏

[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally. Everyone should look out for herself first. That does not mean steamrollering over other people, but YOU should always be Priority One.

[–]deepseaclimbingFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What’s #1?

[–]phantorgasmicFDS Newbie20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You. The number one priority.

[–]deepseaclimbingFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I mean what’s #1 to men in that comment. Themself?

[–]phantorgasmicFDS Newbie18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yep!

[–]TallBlondeBitchFDS Newbie51 points52 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yep! My ex got a “happy ending” massage when he traveled to SE Asia last year with some buddies. Didn’t tell me about it until after we had already broken up and I specifically asked if he had done that. He said he didn’t say anything at the time because it was a “grey area” and he knew it would just upset me. 🙄

I wish that he had told me immediately so that we could have broken up sooner.

[–]rivkadiditFDS Newbie45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men who buy prostitutes are scum. I'm glad you are no longer with that horrible man.

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

he didn’t say anything at the time because

I'll finish that up for you: because it was more convenient to lie by omission to keep available and free sex/therapy/maid (you) at easy reach once he got back.

[–]royaldetourFDS Newbie21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aka he didn't want to face the consequences. Glad he's an ex sis

[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Grey area” my ass 😡

[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie96 points97 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

"I only lied because you always blow up or overreact and you're being stupid" everytime he's caught out lying.

[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie38 points39 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

For a while I started to think that I must really come off as terrifying since so many many men have used the excuse of ‘I didn’t want to make you mad!’ to excuse their lies..

[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie25 points26 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Oh yeah that's the thing. They make you seem irrational and make you look like a right bitch in front of others. I think his friends thought I was a sour bitch when in reality he had made me tense and uncomfortable and worried so I looked that way and they could then have a "right" to be shitty to me. It boils down to the old stereotype that the women are old dragons in the relationship.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They teach us well... To always trust your gut. They'll treat you how they want to regardless of how well you treat them. Which is why they don't deserve closure / all the groveling and apologies that you could give / the chance to come clean and possibly redeem themselves / etc etc

[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've learned this now. I was lied to and lied about even upon ending the relationship. Still processing that. But my life feels better off already. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing I wasn't being loved properly.

[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The funny thing was that I met all of his friends before him so they were all my friends as well. Once we started dating he would use me to excuse himself from social things he didn’t want to attend by saying I was “making” him do something else and vice versa when he wanted to hang out with them without me. It got so bad it drove a huge wedge into my friendships with some of them (and later I even found out that they knew he’d gone on a date behind my back).

Totally unnecessary lies too! I told him so many times that he didn’t need to lie to me about hanging out with them yet he continued to do it and give me sad puppy dog eyes about how he just hated making me mad and just wanted everyone to be happy 🥺🥺🥺 ... sometimes I wonder if he even knew how manipulative he was being

[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think at some point our alarm bells were ringing but we loved then so much we just ignored it. They're also pretty good at turning things back on us. Looking back I realise I actually spent more time with everyone in his life and actually bent over backwards for him than he ever did for me. But when I'd ask him to do something like not go on a stag week the same week I turned 30 he'd play up that I never let him have fun and he never sees his friends.... Didn't mention it was my 30th to anyone either.

[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, I was so happy to have found someone who I considered a best friend and a partner that I just overlooked everything else. He was so good at making me feel selfish that I started to believe it. I realize now that if he’s had any respect for me or our relationship, he wouldn’t have allowed me to feel that way just to get out of explaining why he wanted to cancel our plans to attend a board game night with his friends. It always came down to “well if you hadn’t found out everything would be hunky dory!”

I remember so much self-doubt and confusion and bargaining and “communication” —but no amount of communication can make someone respect you.

[–]zagreus8meFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's so true. I was the same. I overlooked things. He would always tell me I'm a negative bitter person so when other people would tell me I'm a bubbly, lovely caring person I used to get a shock and think I was an imposter. Turns out I was being brainwashed into thinking that I was a crappy person. I'm amazed at how many people are telling me that they thought I was being capped on by him but felt it wasn't their place to say.

[–]GretaTheBeeotchFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeeeup, same here

[–]TrueExtentFDS Newbie30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes! Ladies, please know that any time someone uses this bullshit line on you, this is what it actually means:

- They know whatever they did is wrong.

- They do not respect you.

- They lack integrity.

- They are full of shit.

- They are comfortable trying to manipulate you.

[–]TafahaDeTerreFDS Newbie29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can you believe an ex sent this to me?! The audacity.

[–]smilodon91Throwaway Account32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember this... the car will come first, the bike will come first, the boat will come first, the house will come first, his family and friends will come first, his hobbies will come first.... and you will... never even make the list, even if you're married. (Trust me, I found out the hard way.) So make sure YOU are always at the top of your own list.

Also, men are not even aware of when they are lying. It's their default MO, and so see nothing wrong with it. So... trust eventually but never before verifying, verifying, verifying... then getting it in writing.

[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist44 points45 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Say it louder for the people in the back!

[–]suspended_animation_FDS Newbie41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Waves from the back

[–]oddcharmFDS Newbie57 points58 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s so true. I hate being lied to and then told it’s so that my feelings don’t get hurt... wtf do you think lying does?! ( and of course the lie is always about them doing something shitty that would hurt your feelings too!) That excuse is also so patronizing. Who is anyone to decide the truth is too much for someone to handle?

I’d actually respect people more if they just admitted they didn’t want to face the consequences of their actions but nope you’ll always have those manipulative assholes who pull out that excuse and pretend to care about you. If you really care about someone you’ll give them the respect of knowing the truth and letting them make their own decision based on that.

[–]powerline250040 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Boop! 👏👏👏👏👏👏

[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

dude if only I could have put into words this exact information in my last relationship!!!!! #neverhonest #surprisediCouldnttrustHim

[–]GlitteringContact8FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This 1000000x

[–]seashellseashell52FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Woah. This just blew my mind

[–]oasisreverieFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Liars are cowards and manipulators.

[–]mostdefinitelyntursFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's why I dont feel bad about my ex (before I knew the relationship was based on lies) having the taste of another man's dick in his mouth (before we were official but still) and he still couldn't get back with his kid's mom. You wanna treat me like shit and stick around? You're gonna suffer the same🤷🏾‍♀️

[–]cafecontreslecheFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Facts! I never had the words to say this but when I was ‘babied’ as I called it back then I’d just say to tell me straight up and let me react however the fuck I was meant to. I’m grown enough to react how I please and think on what to do for myself.

[–]the_researcher_Pickmeisha™️1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true on such a global scale.

[–]escapetodos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

🙏🏻💋 stay gold

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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