Some of us are taking a break from dating, others are dating or are fine on their own. Then there are women that are hoping that HVM exist and feel depressed because of this sub. This guide is for you.
Our life will happen regardless if there is a man in it or not, so there is absolutely no point in wasting time on figuring out men. It is hard to deprogramme ourselves since we've been bombarded by media that our life only has value with a man in it. So here are some strategies to counteract this:
🌈 Make single your default state. You are not waiting for a HVM, you are just being. Even if a HVM fell from the sky and start wooing you, it doesn't matter, you have to keep vetting him.
🌈 Start taking pride in your role. You are a woman, you pick the men that genes will keep on existing. Not the other way around. Men have no choice in the women that pick them. They can only hope their wooing works. They also don't know what they want, they can date a woman they don't even like for years. Why? Because they weren't born to be selective. They are the ones that have to worry if someone will value them. Tell yourself 'I'm the one that picks'.
🌈 If you don't want to date, that's ok. But do it because you are fine and content on your own and there's no one that is offering you something better than your own company, not because you are afraid. Yes, there are a lot of bad men out there and we should be careful and skeptical, that's why you should cut them off at the first red flag. But being afraid makes you vulnerable to put a guy on a pedestal just because he's a decent person. So the next point is...
🌈 Start building a shield asap. This is one of the most invaluable advices I have been given here and some mental health books. Predators will know when you are hurting and will try to exploit it, they can see your hesitation, your doubt and fear. Healing might take a lot of time and there might be permanent scars, so you will have to learn to build a wall between yourself and them.
If a guy asks if you have been treated badly. Your answer should be 'No, as far as I know'. Most men have treated you good all your life now, if he doesn't, he's a weirdo and smells bad. Fake it, I don't care, this is for your safety.
Also, keep some emotional distance (in your mind) until he's been consistent over a long period of time (8+ months). Most men won't pass 3 months or even be selected for vetting.
🌈 Remember that most men die earlier anyway. They do, so what will you do after that? The same thing you should be doing regardless if he exists or not, enjoying your job, hobbies and friendships.
🌈 Have crushes on people you will never meet. This might not work for everyone. But in my case, liking kpop boybands made me feel less cynical about men. They make me laugh, so I'm happy. Be drawn to things and people that make you happy and throw away the ones that don't.
This is my first post of this type. I have been in that gloomy state of mind before but these helped me heal a bit.