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[–]anotherdamnloserFDS Newbie346 points347 points348 points 3 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I’ve noticed a lot of my coworkers say they are “talking” to someone like it’s a “thing” but they like to be “talking to” many at once - mostly it’s men that are 30 and under. I’m over 40 so I don’t relate to this at all. And by “talking” it’s texting or snap chatting and they make it seem like it’s going to lead to a FWB situation; the goal is to have sex with the person for awhile, and do things like “Netflix and chill” til something else comes along or they’re bored or find better
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
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[–]CloacaDiddlerFDS Disciple116 points117 points118 points 3 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
My friend fucked around with a married man, (doesn’t wear a ring, flirts with everyone in existence) now that he used her and got what he wanted he’s “consumed with guilt for cheating” and trying to drop her. She obsessively texts him, begs for any scrap of attention, and just won’t leave him alone hoping she’ll get a round two or some kind of relationship with this guy who has a wife and kids?? Very exhausting but I haven’t said anything because yknow. He deserves it. She texts him alllll the timeeee and he’s trying to politically keep his options open but dump her by promising vague future things and never following through. Let her haunt him for years until they both wear each other out.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Good for you for realizing you can’t help she who doesn’t want to be helped. I have a bit of a problem with that.
[–]yourscreennamesucksFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I've had a few friends who just always have relationship problems and I have to just let them handle their own problems. New friends, I'll have a couple conversations and then I'm backing off because I'm not here to listen to everyone's man problems every day. I'm not a therapist for anyone. I have my peace. I'd rather concentrate on finding the good stuff of life than be dragged down because misery loves company.
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My friend called me out for trying to solve all his problems, saying I’m not his therapist and it’s not my job to solve everyone’s issues. A bit harsh, but I needed this.
[–]yourscreennamesucksFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Basically, if I don't have a degree for it then I'm not qualified lol. If they truly want help they will go to a professional.
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can actually end up saying very hurtful stuff to people I love because I want to help but I have no training or tact. Women are not natural therapists.
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, the only people I feel sorry for here are the wife and the kids.
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“Unsatisfying thirty seconds of jackhammering”
I can’t. 😂😂😂💜💜
[–]womandatoryFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hear you. It’s clear and agreed or it’s dust.
[–]kcookie94FDS Newbie226 points227 points228 points 3 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I’ve never had a man look at me and say the words “Will you be my girlfriend?.” It has always been a “what are we?” conversation that I have prompted. Thanks to FDS I now understand my worth and strive to never settle for a man who can’t even discuss commitment with me.
[–]ShadowoftheGrimoireFDS Disciple63 points64 points65 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I despise giving them that out by asking myself since usually I’m not interested in a relationship in the first place. If he’s not making decisive moves and actively working to convince me that a relationship with him will benefit me then I’m staying single because let’s face it, most relationships with men are poor deals.
[–]ooftaboofta39 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Honestly idek if id take a "will you be my girlfriend" at this point. An active relationship is a serious commitment and I would consider it to be something important to discuss, think about for a little while, and have a mutual agreement. Anyone im getting into a committed relationship with will understand that dating is meant to lead to marriage and should be taken just as seriously as something like a proposal, the only difference being that with a proposal youve had months or even sometimes years to have those discussions and be on the same page.
But yeah, "what are we" is a huge no, my answer would be "not talking anymore, boy bye"
[–]kcookie94FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I love this point of view. If a man does ask me that question in the future, I will make sure that ground rules are laid out to what being committed truly means. I have been so mistreated in my past, to the point where I have developed texting anxiety, trust issues galore, and an anxious attachment style of thinking. I was way too easy on the men in my past, and I’m slowly learning how worthy I am and how I deserve to be treated.
[–]ooftaboofta37 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Same here. I'm lucky that my boyfriend is incredibly understanding and always here for me, even when my mental health issues flare up. I have a tendency to get very emotionally dependent on people I'm in relationships with but he does a great job of helping me stand on my own two feet without letting me 100% rely on him.
There are men out there who will be just right for you, never settle!
[–]kcookie94FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That gives me so much hope! I struggle with being the only single girl in my group of friends but I know my person out there :)
[–]ooftaboofta33 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Youve got this. Life is long and full of opportunity!
[–]Amy3e13FDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yes, he should be the one asking. Always.
[–]simplicityduplicityFDS Newbie163 points164 points165 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thissss. I just got out of a situationship with a dude a week ago. He had me delete my OLD apps but refused to call me his girlfriend. His reasoning? “Terms like that are juvenile.” 🤦🏼♀️
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie59 points60 points61 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My 70 year old mom calls her 80 year old boyfriend a boyfriend, and he calls her his girlfriend. Juvenile what?
[–]Jiou112FDS Newbie128 points129 points130 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh and there won't be any quotation marks around the word talk. There will be no question that it is not a relationship. Don't forget that part. Because men will do this same thing but act like they are in a relationship, only to pull this card once they get caught cheating.
[–]katthekanuckFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A ex-friend of mine got into a situationship mess. She had other issues as well that made me want to distance myself from her, but this was the last straw.
She started seeing a guy who wanted all the wife benefits but wouldn’t even call her his girlfriend, let alone wife. He was ugly, out of shape, terrible in bed, wouldn’t use protection, didn’t even attempt to please her, got angry and sulky at the most irrational things and clearly had no interest in her other than for (bad) sex. His idea of a “date” was McDonalds. Her own parents (who were from a culture that really pushes marriage on young women) didn’t even like him, and wanted her to leave. And yet, she stayed because “he’s really funny and I’m lonely”. Girl, I’m lonely too but you couldn’t pay me to be in this mess! At least a vibrator gives me an actual good time and doesn’t throw a spontaneous tantrum later!
This was long before FDS but even then I was so frustrated and kept thinking, WHY are you rewarding bad behaviour?
[–]naeviablue7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In 2021 I’m looking for my future husband - not a boyfriend, a fwb or a situation. The time for wasting time ended long ago.
[–]toddhowardseviltwin8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Omg that brings an old memory back...a guy confessed his crush on me once. It was nice and sweet but I was overwhelmed. We started texting here and there because why not and one day he asked me to come over to his place to which I replied that I have something other to do. To which he replied "i guess it's best we break up then" ??? When did we get together sir??? The fuck???
[–]Barbie-girlFDS Disciple80 points81 points82 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My belief is "I am single till I am married". Words are just words and people can lie. Men certainly are in no position to complain as most of them are still on the lookout even after marriage. And don't even get me started on their virtual cheating by means of porn. The only thing that worries is me is their ego, violent tendencies and inability to see their own hypocrisy. So many women tell about how they have to deal with the jealousy and insecurity of the guy they are dating. This is frankly one of the reasons I choose not to date for a long time. I am now trying to come up with some strategies to manage male jealousy and ego as explaining things logically to them doesn't work most of the times.
[–]TextualRibbonsFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t try to explain things to men anymore. I’m very clear cut and straightforward as it is. If they’re too dumb to get it, they’re not worth my time.
[–]StrawberryMoon3FDS Apprentice84 points85 points86 points 3 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
You're single till you're married
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[–]thequeenspeaks4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is no such thing as casual dating, and worse, casual sex.
If you trade your valuable time, mind, and body for nothing but fun and thrills, what do you get out of the deal? There are 1,000 more other ways to have fun. Only date for marriage, otherwise you let men play with you for fun and for free. We women totally underestimate the time wasted with men in casual encounters that can be best spent making money, exercising, eating healthy, or volunteering to help others.
[–]ooftaboofta34 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Youre right, you can just date for fun, but casting a wide net like that means you put yourself at risk of getting into shitty relationships and you make the likelihood of that happening much higher.
Relationships mean tying yourself emotionally to someone else, whether you like it or not. What it sounds like you want is friends with benefits, no strings attached, but those rarely truly exist. I dont understand why you would take the chance of getting abused, cheated on, or otherwise hurt.
And men who dont want serious relationships should stop dating and get friends. Women dont exist to satisfy mens social cravings
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[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So, I was a single mom at 18. Baby daddy LVM. I was home with a baby jealous of my friends who were out having casual sex. I was jealous at the time. I’m not still friends with them today 20 years later, but guess what?! They’re still single and still giving up the goods. C’mon ladies, we’re in our 40s. Stop that. Stop that right now. In fact, my ex-BFF, chose her jealous husband over me when my mom died bc he was jealous of the time she and I spent together (grieving!!!!!). I just couldn’t forgive her for that.
This makes me think of other valued relationships and the standards I have around them as well. Don’t say you’re a friend when you’re really a playmate.
My real relationships show up, and hold space, when the shit hit the fan.
**btw, my exbff husband was running from the police, across country, because she finally reported him, he raped a woman, was wanted for that, he had a 24 hour stand off with cops, escaped that, then escaped prison, while being transported, then he was finally caught in Iowa. I’m saying this to impress that if he wasn’t a white man, he would have never “escaped”.
Ya’ll my last straw when I was over her house, and she pulls out a box of letters from him “he was my true love”, AND a recent letter. And, “oh, by the way, he has a phone and we’ve been talking.”
Wwwwwwwhhhhhhhaaaaaattttttt?!?! No wonder the cops don’t take you seriously.
Anyway, morning rant. Love ya’ll ladies, love this sub, and love being a fierce woman in company with other fierce women! 💜
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (87 children) | Copy Link
[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist128 points129 points130 points 3 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like your boyfriend only told you what you wanted to hear. He went from not liking labels to being in love with you in the space of 24 hours? Nah, sis. You're being played.
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[–]juneburger111 points112 points113 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Many med students use this time to have some free support (girlfriend) until residency is over and they go after who they really want. Don’t be too smug.
[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And she’s so wowed by the fact that he’s a student, it’s cringe worthy. Watch him ditch her for one of his classmates when he graduates.
[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist88 points89 points90 points 3 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Busy people still know what they want when they date. Busy is a flimsy excuse for people who don't want to commit. Doctors and surgeons date with intention to commit all the time. Men are never hesitant to call a woman their girlfriend/wife when it's the woman they want to commit to. But you do you.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]BasieSkanksRuthless Strategist102 points103 points104 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You were the one who chose to put your business on a public platform, and because you didnt get the reaction you wanted, you're salty. FDS isn't here to coddle women who make shady choices. A quick read of the handbook would tell you that your boyfriend is not serious about you, but if you want to keep believing that you'll be the exception to the established rules around male commitment, then go ahead.
[–]LurkForYourLivesFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
We’re all trying to help you see the giant waving red flags, my friend. It would be worth considering what we are saying.
[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My partner works 2 jobs and helps care for his older parents. I’m not following your logic?
[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Why are you acting like it’s special to date a med student? Almost everyone I know has a post graduate degree and an impressive job. Some are HV and some aren’t. Some of the men are good boyfriends/husbands and some aren’t. Level up and stop being so impressed. Educated, successful women aren’t wowed by doctors.
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am not saying your boyfriend may be bad but I have a girl friend in medical school and she tell me stories about how they smoke a lot of weed (bEcAuSe iT iS NaTurAl...) some afternoons when they reunite to study together, and specially on weekends. And sometimes they fuck. She is in 3nd year but there are older people in that study sessions. And she is A+ student so you would never say she does stuff like that so often. What I wanna mean is, don't take anything for granted so soon...
[–]aprss2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have dated one before. Believe me THEY CAN make time for you..
[–]ThatNeo-AikidoSpiritThrowaway Account85 points86 points87 points 3 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
So why are you dating him still after he showed you his lack of character?
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[–]Barbie-girlFDS Disciple62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Very true. So many men will offer to take care of a woman but don't actually have any intention to do that. They know far too many women are too egoistical, "independent" or "nice girls" to ever accept help from a man. Whenever any man offers to help me, I always accept their offer even if I don't really want it, 9 out of 10 times they are bluffing and will come up with some excuses to avoid actually helping. Women need to understand this and not let men make complete fool out of them each and every time.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]AprilMoon93 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It seems it's only her second 'boyfriend' and after her first she says she kept going back to sleep with and beg for him back.
A glaring pickme, she has so much to learn.
[–]macrosofslime2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
dear god
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[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's a bad idea to date for financial potential. True the man has better prospects for himself financially than a college dropout. However, based on his ambivalent attitude towards a relationship with you now- he basically changed his mind overnight-once he is done with his studies, he might not involve you in his financial success. If that happens and based on his ambivalence, you could have spent all that time with a man who truly wants to be with you. After he's done with his studies and all that pressure is off him then he might look back and say thank you but I'm moving on elsewhere. You might not end up getting to be the doctor's wife. Be careful that's all.
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
“Please stop putting in advice I’m not asking for” Have you forgotten what sub you’re in?
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She’s giving us advice too. Can’t save she who doesn’t want to be saved, unfortunately.
“The lady doth protests too much, me thinks”
[–]TextualRibbonsFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You shouldn’t have had to ask him, and no way does a man who just yesterday told you that he “doesn’t want labels” actually love you. You yourself knew this was a red flag, so IDK why you’re upset that other FDSers are calling it out as one?
[–]shipintheskyFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It would be great if people weren't allowed to comment or post it they didn't pass a short test on basics
[–]sugaredberryFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This entire ride was sad ... and I agree.
[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
——I’ve said this on this sub before, but I asked my current boyfriend what his intentions were and he said he doesn’t like labels, so I let him know I wouldn’t be exclusively dating him and the next day he told me he was in love with me and wanted me to be his official girlfriend.
Guys are really something else..——
I thought initially that you posted this as an example of a manipulative LVM. Little did I know you actually think he meant it and that he loves you. And bragging about him being a student like we’re all a bunch of high school dropouts who are going be be impressed? Nah, sis.
When a guy tells you he wants you to be his girlfriend the day after you say you won’t be exclusive with him without a label, he is playing you. It is so obvious. How on earth do you not see that?
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 3 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Another commenter found evidence in her post history of her boyfriend calling women dogs so no, I don’t think there’s any setting this one straight
[–]sugaredberryFDS Newbie46 points47 points48 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How could somebody stay with a man that calls women dogs? Sorry but just bc a man has a good job or money does NOT mean HVM.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago* (16 children) | Copy Link
All of what you said is fine, but her original comment and those following all negate what is said in the FDS Handbook, and it’s sub rules to read the Handbook in full before posting. If she posts this then fine, but red flag and LVM behaviour is going to be called out when it is seen. We aren’t doing this to chastise her or judge her, we’re pointing out these red flags for what they are so that she herself or other women here know to avoid this behaviour as it isn’t in line with FDS principles. I still wish her all the best and hope she realises she is worth more than paying out of pocket for a boyfriend’s education.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Look up "tone policing." You're doing it. Coddling pickmes doesn't do them any favors. She will learn in her own in time - the hard way. Telling women to "be nice" is what got most of us into trouble in the first place. No sis, just no.
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Great, but it’s very obvious she hasn’t read the Handbook, and it’s sub rules to do so. She was being extremely defensive to any advice that was very basic Handbook material, for example not paying for the expenses of men we aren’t married to and avoiding men who use misogynistic language. The tone some members used was from senior, high level flair members who are likely sick of seeing people post without having read the Handbook. We’re not on this subreddit trying to coddle women on basic red flags. Again, wish her all the best and hope her interactions here were a wake up call for her.
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[–]bravebeautyxFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
[–]Hypsibremetes2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This came at the right time.
[–]No-Income-38212 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's a whole mood of self 💘 love
[–]ijustcantwithit1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes! I had a LVM, 26 to my 19 at the time, decide we were in a relationship after 1 date and then got butt hurt when I went on a date with someone else. He found out when he picked me up for date 2 and called me his girlfriend and I asked when that happened. Being young and not as wise, that lasted 6mo before I wised up to his man child ways: we are talking Christmas wish list, with links including toys, collection items and robot house shoes he thought were silly. I blew a tire late at night he came but didn’t know how to fix it, glad mom didn’t let me drive until I could change a tire and my oil.
[–]divinedivadivyaa1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this.
[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great attitude! We should all have this mindset.
[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m so lucky I’m seeing someone who asked me to be exclusive after ~3 weeks or so. So attractive when a guy knows what he wants.
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[–]Barbie-girlFDS Disciple62 points63 points64 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (13 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]AprilMoon93 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]macrosofslime2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (10 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] (9 children) | Copy Link
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[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie87 points88 points89 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]weekend111FDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]myeggsarebigFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TextualRibbonsFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]shipintheskyFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]sugaredberryFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Maude2010FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (21 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]sugaredberryFDS Newbie46 points47 points48 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (17 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (15 children) | Copy Link
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[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH25 points26 points27 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mrs1001nightsFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (9 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] (8 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[removed]
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]bravebeautyxFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hypsibremetes2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]No-Income-38212 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ijustcantwithit1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]divinedivadivyaa1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spicyspaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link