During my pickmeisha days, I was more open to sexual activities I thought were degrading because I wanted to please the guy. They’d say stuff like “You won’t know until you try” or “You have to at least try it.” And I did. I tried anal and some humiliating BDSM roleplay. I didn’t become enlightened and learn to love it. But I had the experience to say that I didn’t enjoy the activity.

When those relationships didn’t work out and I started dating again, men would again try to pressure me into the same degrading sexual acts. This time I had the experience to say I loathed the acts and received no pleasure from it. When faced with a hard no, the guy would sulk. Apparently me having tried with a previous ex and not him, made him feel insignificant. Apparently by not having anal with him, I made him feel less than my ex and clearly didn’t love him at all.

The logic of that enrages me. If you have no experience, you can’t say no because you never tried. If you have the experience, you have to say yes or the man feels betrayed and unloved. Either way the woman is viewed as a sex object and always at fault.