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[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple256 points257 points258 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“You can do better.” Major red flag when a man tells you this since he knows himself and what he’s capable of. Consider it one of the few times an NVM is telling to truth and doing you a kindness by warning you. 🚩🚩🚩
[–]bigtoebigtoeFDS Apprentice58 points59 points60 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex husband used to say this all the time 😭😭
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie240 points241 points242 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
This is absolutely true and every one of my exes said this
[–]_xyoungbellax_FDS Apprentice[S] 187 points188 points189 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
They sure do and think we'll somehow coddle them. If they think they need to use manipulative tactics like "you deserve better" with a sad face after abusing me, then heck yeah I deserve 1000 times better.
[–]RA85373FDS Newbie110 points111 points112 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Pre FDS me totally fell for this and was all, no you’re great, I love you so much 🤢
He was terrible and I could and did do a whole lot better 😂
[–]helljess86FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same sis, same.
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Couldn’t have said it better than me. I remember so many times doing this pre FDS for my scrub exes.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Mine too. It's unbelievable that there are so many men who do this. What does that say about the general male population?
[–]PessimisticAnaFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That they know despite being shit, they can get someone heaps outta their league and instead of treating her with respect and like the bare minimum they fumble her up too
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always remember that you can Level Up!
[–]oneheadlight312FDS Newbie135 points136 points137 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Every single one who has told me that ended up proving it true.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple86 points87 points88 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I will never forget the first boy who said to me, "I'm just not good enough for you!"*
I know he expected me to say, "No! No! You're wonderful!" What I actually said was, "...huh...ya know...you're right." And that was the end of that.
*Not the same as "nothing I do is ever good enough," just to be clear. That's a different p-a routine.
[–]kitsukoFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeh, I agree. I had a dude who I matched with say this line like 3-4 times right after each other. We were talking about meeting up and what we were looking for, and he kept saying it "I'm not that great of a guy", "I'm not that funny"....so I said Ok, no I believe you. I'm going to unmatch"
Another guy (who's photos were like fit but I know it hot), he opened with "I'm not very funny and I'm not really interested in meeting unless it's to netflix and chill." 🤣🤣
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points 3 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
He's giving you an easy exit! So take it and runnn for the hills ... Guys no damn well what they can and what they cannot offer for us in the future
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Please explain why, if after he says this and then he pushes me to block and delete he still drives by my job just to stare at me? Even after I threaten with a restraining order?
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
My ex boyfriend used to do the same the thing... After he fcked up cheated and etc. he wanted to break up with me because I'm too good for him and when I finally left the stalking started. It's just toxic and low value behaviour. He knows that he cannot keep you but can't let you go and find peace and a good man... Please move forward with the restraining order if he doesn't stop stalking you. I got mine after 9 months of excessive stalking
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
Right after I typed that he showed up and parked in the parking lot at my job. This time he sat there for 20 minutes instead of the usual 8-10 and in a different truck! What is he thinking? That I wave him down all happy or unblock him to contact him? He should have thought of that when he was disrespecting me, probably thought because he threw a bunch of money around and said the right words that I’d never leave.
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whatever he's thinking of trust your gut... If you're starting to be afraid, get your restraining order. Even if your not ready yet document everything and tell your friends family and colleagues so that everyone is informed and alerted
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
That makes me think he was contemplating kidnapping you or assaulting you. Did this stop? Did he go away? If not, take a lot of pictures with your phone, they'll be time stamped and may help with a restraining order. It's even ok if he sees you taking the images; sometimes that's the only thing that makes them back off. They're default move is to gaslight us and tell the authorities we're crazy. It's harder to pull that routine when you have proof.
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Well, I have the dates and times written down and the place has cameras. I was thinking about taking pictures but didn’t want him knowing I knew he was there. What are the chances that he does this with other women, you think?
As far as the kidnapping thing..well aren’t I just a lucky duck that my main form of transportation is a bicycle! 🙄
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Good on you for documenting. I only recommend pictures on your phone because its added proof, and in the wild it has helped me get rid of creepers. Like, if he thinks no one knows he's stalking, including you, he might get emboldened. But when they see you take a picture, they feel exposed and know in a manner of seconds you can send a pic to a friend, cops, anyone. Mold dies in the daylight.
The bike thing though, be careful, sis.
He probably has done this with other women. And if he hasn't, he will. Does he have a job?
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
He co-owns landscaping company and a little fraud on the side.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my.
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I will never understand why they say that after they cheat behind your back... literally why? And then they proceed to cry about it? Like no, you’re crying bc you got caught lol
[–]sassenachpantsFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’ve heard this from men and it just perplexes me. Like.... then BE BETTER??!!
[–]43rdaccountFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
they dont want to thats the point
[–]EddingsFanFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My current partner told me this, and I deadass looked deep into his eyes and said, "You are correct. I CAN do better. And I WILL leave you by (x date) if you don't shape up. You have the power to be the man you think I deserve. So get off your ass and do it."
It's past that date, and we are still together. He is continuing to improve himself, and I'm very happy about it.
Small tangent: I have had a LOT of luck with telling men my expectations, and leaving their low-value asses in the dust if they don't shape up. It gets rid of ANY guilt on my part, and it has seemed to really get through to some of them. I have a hard time with boundaries, so setting up the cause and effect in advance and having them agree to it is much easier for me then dealing with them AFTER they have crossed it. All I have to do is follow through, which is hard enough by itself.
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"why do you like me lol"
Remeber ladies, if he doesn't love himself, not only will he not be able to love YOU, but he will often project his crap on you. Imagine saying someone is not independent despite: - paying all her own bills, - is not fortunate enough to have been given business and business relationship from daddy; has forged her own way and paid for her own schooling... - got her Board membership on her own merits rather than her surname 😉, -drives lunch to you, with her own car that she insures, pays for and puts gas into - watches your dog for you, brings said dog back to her place that she pays rent on -enjoys her own hobbies - enjoys her own company and is extremely comfortable with doing things solo (dinner, events, whatever)
...Isn't independent.
His ex worked part time, lived with her parents, refuses to learn how to drive but she was better than me because she could "handle his ADHD". Well when you're not taking your medication, I think it is wrong to use ADHD as an excuse to ignore me ("you have to gently place your hand on my shoulder or something to get my attention" - I'm serious.) Or to drive very dangerously because it's funny to see me scared (I'm a retired equestrian, not much scares me).
I've been called a lot of things, but someone asserting I'm not independent while they still have a silver spoon in their mouth is something fucking else.
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s funny how things like ADHD and mild ASD seem to always be an excuse for the lack of empathy and are more or less included in the diagnostic criteria in so many words, but only seem to apply to men. Women with these conditions seem to go the other way and often have more concern for others, like women with any other diagnosis that makes life harder.
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed.
As a woman with depression (a nasty, chronic kind), and newly acquired PTSD - I have never ever "used" it as a reason for anything. Other than perhaps the bleak days I have and I am introspective enough to say "today is hard, I'm sorry if I come off short or pissy. I need some extra love today, if at all possible.'
I've been assaulted and abused by men. One an ex, one a guy I went on one date with. I never use this as an excuse, which I could, as it would be very easy for me to be a misandrist or "man hater". It could make me fear relationships, sex, having men stand to close to me, having men touch me... Sometimes it kicks in when a man is yelling at me at work or if a strange man stands too close to me. I hide the panic and work my shit out with grounding techniques. I don't drag others down with it.
Women are tough as nails. I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my sisters who have also survived (pretty much all of us have been injured in some way at the hands of men, which is sickening).
[–]repurposedschleemFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Man the way my HVM mentor, and his HV wife who is now one of my close friends, told me this, so matter-of-factly, got me thinking about my NVM ex in a different light.
[–]dollymyfollyFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“You deserve better” = “I cheat”
[–]MargotteLFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
9 out of 9 time he's right 100% of the time.
[–]PapaverinumFDS Apprentice59 points60 points61 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My ex would say that and I'd be like :((( "he's sad and depressed". You can never be emphatic with those men.
[–]sealcrabFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Looking at dating apps, I always ignore guys who have some sort of self-deprecation or joke about low standards in their profile. If the first impression you make is that I should lower my standards, you've literally fucked up at the first hurdle.
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmaoooo I’m so ashamed at this because my ex said this to me on several occasions. The last time he mentioned this was when I sent him photos from his brothers wedding and he was saying “man I look handsome” or something along those lines. I then said “nah you good” and he said you deserve someone who’s handsome for you or something like that lol. I felt like I called him handsome and gassed him up more than he did for me lol.. don’t get me wrong, he was supportive but shit, he barely called me beautiful and I feel like he barely thought I was the most beautiful girl in his life. When he stopped gassing me up, I felt like I had to stop too. I’ve jokingly called him ugly but that’s because he did that to me too. I feel guilty because he was pretty handsome but oh well. Never again lol.
[–]sikuletFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“I don’t know why you’re with me” “I feel like I’m not worthy”
Yep
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Definitely this. My ex said this to me when I was trying to get him to be an adult. "You deserve better/I don't deserve you".
Damn right he didn't! NVM narcissistic prick!
[–]artemis-codeThrowaway Account6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If a man ever tells you anything bad about himself when you first start dating, believe him!! It is either 1. he is telling you the truth or 2. testing you and your self-worth or 3. eventually bring you down to his level because he thinks you can do better and it will always be on the back of his mind
I repeat. If he ever says anything bad about himself, believe him and walk away. Do not lower your standards for someone who thinks shit about themselves and has the opportunity to do better but doesn't. Anyone who says "you can do better" is really saying "you can do better but I don't really want to change. Can you just accept me as I am? I don't plan on doing better but I don't want you to leave for now. Yes I may eventually hurt you because of my bruised ego and lack of self-esteem but I already told you when we first started dating that you can do better."
Men are not charity cases and don't be a "builder" - always meet a man at your level or the level you know you deserve
[–]AnonPinkLadyFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even more so if he tells you that you can't do better, dump his lame ass. Or that HE can do better, kick em to the curb
[–]Fun_SherbetFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Other examples include variants of:
"I don't deserve you"
"Thanks for putting up with me"
"You're too good for me"
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also if his friends meet you and say things like "wow she's too good for you bro" and "you don't deserve her bro" or make jokes to you like "you're out if his league why you settle for him?" Uhm they're telling you he's a train wreck and that you look like a clown with him.
If his family says things like oh you're a Saint for dating my son or you're never gonna find another woman better than that or wow how'd you score her etc its a big sign. His family "liking you" isn't always a compliment- sometimes they only like you because they see you're way out of his league or as like a mommy 2.0 that'll take care of him and cook for him rather than him actually having his mom still make him dinner.
[–]TextualRibbonsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And yet, ironically, when they say “You’ll never do better than me”, it’s also a red flag.
Men complain all the time about how women talk too much but really, they’d do so much better if they learned to keep their mouthes shut more often because half the time it’s shit like this.
[–]DayAfterMananaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YESSSS there’s saying something like “I can’t believe you chose me” or “I’m not good enough for you” cuz yep that’s true. Now if he says something like, “I got so lucky to find you” that’s also true cuz I am unique and there’s not many out there, so you did get lucky. Hopefully we both got lucky. I’ll be happy one day when I can say that to an SO because goddammit is it hard to find a good one.
[–]Yeah_hey_kittycatFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my gosh, I’ve had this happen to me with two different guys... I should have listened 😂
[–]kczykFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Mine tells me I can’t do better than him 🙁
[–]iamwildflowersFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex told me "I should have treated you that way, you deserve better" I told him your right I do, and he got so mad 😂. I'm like, you said it, I just acknowledged it. Did he think he was gonna reverse psychology me 💀
He's an asshole.
[–]kczykFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It sucks because he has all the qualities of a hvm except he has absolutely no empathy and is physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He is lying.
[+]afrodizzy25FDS Newbie-9 points-8 points-7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sometimes this is because the dude has just levelled up - cut hair, lost weight, got a promotion - and doesn’t realise he is now a CATCH
(Sorry if I’m uncharacteristically generous, found what I so far think is a good guy recently!)
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[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Disciple256 points257 points258 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]bigtoebigtoeFDS Apprentice58 points59 points60 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie240 points241 points242 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]_xyoungbellax_FDS Apprentice[S] 187 points188 points189 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RA85373FDS Newbie110 points111 points112 points
(1 child) | Copy Link
[–]helljess86FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice26 points27 points28 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PessimisticAnaFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]munakhtylerFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oneheadlight312FDS Newbie135 points136 points137 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple86 points87 points88 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]kitsukoFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie21 points22 points23 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Blackandbeautiful95FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Twolipz_78FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sassenachpantsFDS Newbie36 points37 points38 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]43rdaccountFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EddingsFanFDS Newbie66 points67 points68 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]StrainingMyNeuronsFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]-pop-fizz-clinkFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]repurposedschleemFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dollymyfollyFDS Newbie44 points45 points46 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MargotteLFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PapaverinumFDS Apprentice59 points60 points61 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sealcrabFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Hateorade_FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sikuletFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rasaya87FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]artemis-codeThrowaway Account6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnonPinkLadyFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Fun_SherbetFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TextualRibbonsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DayAfterMananaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yeah_hey_kittycatFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kczykFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]iamwildflowersFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]kczykFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]brylm92FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]afrodizzy25FDS Newbie-9 points-8 points-7 points (1 child) | Copy Link