~ archived since 2018 ~

The harm in lovebombing

December 25, 2020

Ladies! I was inspired by the wonderful response to my last post, to share my experience with lovebombing and how it’s utilised by men to trick you into giving your time/sex/emotions etc.

I dated someone in 2018 who was seemingly an amazing guy. He was very attractive, well rounded & charismatic. We went on a couple of dates and he lovebombed the SHIT out of me. Looking back I don’t know if he said a single thing that wasn’t him just layering on flattery like tiers on a wedding cake.

Nonetheless, my naive young self believed that this was a spiritual, soul mate connection and led to me allowing him to sleep over and have unprotected sex (he did the poke around ugh). I was young, insecure and relied on male validation so I was an easy target.

He eventually found a new victim and ghosted me whilst keeping occasional contact so as to not completely burn bridges. I was crushed because it was a big shock after the constant lovebombing.

SIX MONTHS later, he shows up to my community college where I was completing a certificate at the time and JOINS my class. In this time he doesn’t say a word to me or so much as look my way. I was shocked and confused. After a few weeks of this (I ignored him obviously because even negative attention is attention) and he messages me.

He basically asks me where we went wrong, and gaslights me when I bring up the fact he ghosted me. I eventually left the conversation because he was clearly a manipulative leach.

This situation devastated me for months because I was unfamiliar with these tactics that men utilise to get time, money, sex and attention from women. Of course I am responsible for my own actions but everything he did was to manipulate and confuse me for his own benefit.

He has a girlfriend now and it hurts knowing he gets off Scott free and probably tells everyone that I was the crazy one that ghosted him. I remember getting sly looks from people in our shared college class because he went around saying I broke his heart.

Thought I’d share in case anyone else has been in a similar situation, especially younger readers on here.

(Note - the ‘poke around’ as mentioned earlier is when they try to poke their dick in you without discussing or considering contraception. It’s disgusting and if you can’t have a conversation about protection you shouldn’t be havin sex)

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[–]rainbowshummingbirdFDS Newbie25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

He doesn’t necessarily get off Scott free because he’s never going to be anything other than a narc, everyday, forever. Whereas you will go on to meet new people that you love and are capable of loving you back.

[–]yonx699 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

i'm currently healing from my own narc and my therapist always says this too but it's hard to believe :'(

[–]rainbowshummingbirdFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I totally understand. It took me a long time to get over my narc ex. I was so disappointed in myself that I acted in a manner that was not in my best interest. At the same time, I wasn’t really aware of what a narc is. Well, now we know. You and I know exactly what it is.

[–]Example-OppositeThrowaway Account17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was in a very similar situation to you. I know it hurts a lot right now, especially the feeling of being used and discarded like this. Believe me, you will get better over time. Stick with friends and family, and stay around some queens.

Be very glad that he left your life. This guy is likely a narcissist, and he could have done some terrible damage if you had stayed. Be very grateful that he’s gone and that you’re starting off the new year with a fresh new perspective and with an open heart ❤️

[–]squaremarshmallowFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Flattery/unearned praise is the usual give away for love bombers and lvm who don't have any value they plan to add to your life. Women who grew up in abusive/emotionally neglectful homes are more susceptible to this because we hardly received praise for anything.

Flattery is never innocent. Regular people not seeking anything from you will present their compliment/admiration at the appropriate time and appropriate occasion and go about their day. They also usually will complement a specific thing about you and not your whole person.

The easiest way to know it's love bombing is when the praise is unearned eg someone saying you are incredibly put together and mature the first day of knowing you is pure flattery because they don't really know you enough for you to have earned that praise from their experience of you.

Also comments that end with "unlike other women" are nothing more ego boosters meant to make you feel special and bonded to them without any effort or substance.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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