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The lies

October 31, 2020
188 upvotes

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[–]TheOGJammiesRuthless Strategist[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link

This articles title completely misrepresents the study: https://m.imgur.com/3aYxinp

More media manipulation to push porn propoganda.

[–]sikedykeFDS Newbie150 points151 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I just don’t believe that having an orgasm means that you are having good sex. This is uncomfortable to talk about but with my ex that would often pressure me into having sex and even flat out assault me, I still remember having an orgasm once. It didn’t mean that I wanted it or enjoyed It.

I can believe that women who are forced into having more rough sex or tolerate rough sex because of pornography could potentially orgasm with less difficulty, but I don’t believe that it means it was not frightening or wrong. Sex is a lot more than just orgasming.

[–]Boiling_RockFDS Newbie42 points43 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much for speaking up. It is not my place to tell you how right you are about the fact that having an orgasm does not equate pleasure, tacit consent or any other concepts, whatever rapists and their apologists may be saying, so I'll let research speak for itself. Research has shown that around 4-5% of assault victims will experience an orgasm during the assault. However, there is so much stigma associated with the avowal of such an occurrence, that most victims will gloss (understandably so) over this fact. Actually, the percentage of assault victims having an orgasm is thought to be much higher than that 4-5%, especially in men who are known to seek less help and to open up less about such trauma.

It is very important for people to understand that sexual arousal and orgasms are NOT regulated by the central nervous system. But the AUTONOMIC nervous system. The name says it: it is an autonomous decision maker that is completely divorced from will. Whatever the autonomic nervous system controls cannot be controlled by will. We can try to distract it by submitting it to other stimuli. But at the end of the day, we know very little about the stimuli that trigger all its modalities. Fear, disgust, anger might very easily be part of those.

An orgasm is an indication of virtually nothing. And the word needs to be spread out, so that young women (and young men) who have gone through assault know that whatever happened was not their fault and was outside of their control. They feel enough unwarranted shame and live through enough undeserved self-blame. They really don't need that extra-layer of questioning.

Edit: My needing grammar lessons.

[–]goldspotzingthingFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Can you share the research or article where you read this? I have been looking for such studies. Thank you.

[–]Boiling_RockFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You can download the main article that started the conversation here:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8448601_Sexual_arousal_and_orgasm_in_subjects_who_experience_forced_or_non-consensual_sexual_stimulation_-_A_review

Here, you have one reporting that women can develop physical arousal (not mental - we need to divorce physical arousal, which is a physiological response, from mental arousal, which includes consent) on many different stimuli, many of them surprising and contradictory:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/49712741_Prepared_for_Anything_An_Investigation_of_Female_Genital_Arousal_in_Response_to_Rape_Cues

There are also more technical (biochemical, biological) papers that I shall not include this time. If you are interested, do tell me.

[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple105 points106 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

This has not been my experience. I stopped watching porn after finding FDS about six months ago. Not only does the sub have endless valuable points about how terrible porn and the industry it is, I had already been starting to worry about long term effects of even very light porn use. I briefly dated a porn addict years ago and knew how much it fucked our sex life. I did not want porn to end up hurting my sex life. Anyways, quitting porn has improved the quality and intensity of my orgasms.

[–]PornruinedsocietyFDS Disciple36 points37 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I was married to a porn addict, abissmal sex life, he never wanted normal sex. I can't believe I put up with it for so long.

[–]light_workerx3FDS Newbie20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Same. Once he introduced me to his kink and fetishes I thought I was doing it to please him . But really , he was using me to re enact his porn scenes 🙄😩 after that we never had normal sex again . I also can't believe I put up with it as long as I did.

[–]Ntop__FDS Newbie27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same sis. I found that frequently watching porn made it more difficult for me to get aroused in intimate moments. There's just too big a gap between what you get used to seeing and the reality.

Also intensity of orgasm is absolutely higher when you're 100% focused on your body rather than a screen. We hear that multi-tasking is bad for our focus all the time in the context of productivity. Suddenly it's not like that for porn & arousal? Can't believe I didn't draw the connection earlier. Once I found FDS, I did a 180 in my opinions on porn and sex work.

[–]jargon_explosionFDS Newbie75 points76 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The issue with pornography is not that it helps or doesn't help an orgasm though. It certainly does seem to help people reach orgasm. And then reach orgasm more quickly. And then they can only do it a certain way, or with porn, become desensitized, need more extreme acts, etc.

An orgasm isn't the be all, end all, of a fulfilling sex life. Or fulfilling life in general. While pornography is a detriment to your overall wellbeing.

[–]Ok_Ad_67FDS Newbie20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This.

In fact cumming from watching porn isn’t satisfying to me. I kept wondering what the point is and why it didn’t feel as good as I thought it would.

[–]jargon_explosionFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, so much. It became about just getting it over with as quickly as possible. Feeling rather numb and gross afterwards.

[–]Ok_Ad_67FDS Newbie28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I actually stopped watching porn a while ago. I still masturbate tho, I just use my imagination. And I’m not supporting an exploitative industry.

Aside from that porn taught me masturbating was just a race to orgasm. It wasn’t actually satisfying. And there are a whole lot of other problematic things that come along with it.

It’s like most women aren’t taught how to actually get in touch with their sexuality. Instead we get this shallow surface level stuff. I still can’t really wrap my head around sensuality and intimacy. I try to. I need to get back in touch with it and actually enjoy the process.

[–]OpenCelebration3FDS Newbie46 points47 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m sure a guy posted this too 🙄

[–]macervibin20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a former pickme who used to use porn quite regularly, this is sooooooo fucking false!!! I learned so quick that me having an orgasm was based on my sexual partner's skill, attentiveness, and consideration,NOT porn!

[–]Gambit12345FDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I was in high school and a virgin I’d watch porn to see sex looked like from the outside perspective. Like I knew where my vagina was just not how the parts went together. I had a crazy high libido in college and occasionally would seek out porn BUT it always felt futile because like all the content is disgusting. Idk how many times it’s always a fat, old out of shape man ramming into a woman who’s usually always better looking. I was so grossed out. I wanted to see real sex like emotional and intimate and porn was just not it. Porn didn’t make me more comfortable with my body. I was always pretty secure in my sexuality. Porn just grossed me out

[–]FabledAngryVillagerFDS Apprentice24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"And then everyone clapped"

[–]asteria2002FDS Apprentice13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ugh orgasms with porn feels so disgusting and wrong after wards, like I always go this guy feeling and it made me want to throw up. This is a male fan fiction that women orgasms easier when they watch porn, and bet they are thinking that the women are watching lesbian porn or hardcore sex. This is their attempt to make porn sound very good. After knowing that all women in porn didn't enjoy it at all just made me feel so bad. I wish all women knew this, no women would ever orgasm with porn ever again. Oh and fantasy and reality are soo different, when women fantasy about hardcore sex they think it feels good bit little do they know that it would hurt only, but all the lies in porn and books and movies make it seem like it is enjoyable which makes women feel like they are weird for not enjoying to be tortured.

[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I used to watch porn and all it did was make me depressed and ashamed

[–]Mysterious_Midnight7FDS Apprentice3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This study funded by Acme Porn Company says porn is good for you!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men are idiots. They cannot understand anything. I could say anything and they would use that to prove an idiotic point. Watching porn is an issue for men and women. Just like with men, it might increase sexual addiction and level of arousal. That does not mean it is a good thing. Doing opioids increases relaxation and feel good brain chemicals. It does not mean heroin is a good idea.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This isn't true I assume for many women. I have had far better orgasms once I stopped watching porn.

[–]Urod588FDS Newbie3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Pornographic material can also be a part of erotic literature so 🤷‍♀️

Unless they specifically wrote about video pornography.

[–]LunarCannonsFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Less difficulty becoming aroused. Less orgasmic difficulty. Greater time to orgasm. “

I’m assuming a man wrote this... The opposite of that list would be : difficulty becoming aroused, difficulty achieving orgasm, and zero stroke game. Those are all problems of the porn sick who are somewhat aware their sexual outcomes are poor.

I’ve never heard a woman complain about orgasming too quickly while pleasuring herself. (*With the acceptation of a few who have medical sensitivity problems and orgasm uncontrollably during everyday non sexual activists.) That sounds like boon to me; more time for multiple , if we want. 🤷‍♀️ Its not a performance, its taking a moment to be present in our own bodies. Sometimes the journey is better than the destination anyways.

If there is any kernel of truth in that post it is that women who watch porn are more likely to fake orgasms with a partner, or selflessly indulge male fantasy. 🙄

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