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This PostSecret shook me, I think most women can relate to this.

kittycakes22
December 8, 2020
787 upvotes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
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Title This PostSecret shook me, I think most women can relate to this.
Author kittycakes22
Upvotes 787
Comments 63
Date December 8, 2020 12:45 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-postsecret-shook-me-i-think-most-women-can.328190
https://theredarchive.com/post/328190
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k8toyu/this_postsecret_shook_me_i_think_most_women_can/
Top posts by kittycakes22

Why is this so accurate? Have men always been like this?

1480 upvotes
January 5, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Why do men “not want a relationship” because of a breakup ages ago, but women are still willing to seek real connections and love despite the amount of horror we’ve gone through?

1218 upvotes
November 27, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Make sure you are his first option. Men can fake and pretend you’re his #1 because they’re lonely, when in fact you aren’t the one they want.

1087 upvotes
October 21, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Why do men think we are in love with them after 1 date?

978 upvotes
August 3, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Her man of 6 years faked a proposal. I’d leave in a heartbeat.

930 upvotes
December 26, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

This is horrible. If dating is hard in my mid-20s what is it going to be like when I’m 30?

859 upvotes
February 13, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

It should be that simple. I’ve had a guy literally do all of these things, then proceed to say he doesn’t want us to be “official”.

729 upvotes
December 1, 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy

Men won’t even put in the bare minimum these days and it’s because there are women who tolerate it.

677 upvotes
February 14, 2021
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Comments

[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie165 points166 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because they’ve found new victims who haven’t realized who they’re dating yet

[–][deleted] 326 points327 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

They're narcissists and psychopaths. That's why they can move on from the damage they've left in their wake

[–]everythingandloveFDS Newbie118 points119 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Exactly this. I don’t care how much of a “nice guy” someone is, no person can hurt someone like that, walk away smiling, and not have something be horribly wrong with them. No joke.. I’m sick of making excuses for people who can destroy others, because they’re not “just going through something”. THEY WANTED TO HURT YOU... don’t make the mistake of giving someone every chance you can for them to be what YOU want.

[–]CannonEyesFDS Newbie71 points72 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Also I feel like a lot of men can do terrible things by blaming them on somebody else.

Rape: she was giving me signals all night and I was sure she wanted it

Cheating: if she wouldn't have been crazy I wouldn't have had to cheat

I think men are good at lying to themselves and genuinely being convinced that they are not in the wrong meanwhile they have ruined somebody's life. A man not being able to take responsibility for when he messes up, even over small things, is a GIANT red flag.

[–]helena939392FDS Newbie30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow this hit deep. My ex used these exact explanations when he raped me and cheated on me for years. And he got away so easily, even the police in my country said one time when he assaulted me that "it's his word against yours". Men ain't shit.

[–]CannonEyesFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a horrible man, it makes me angry to hear about how many of us queens have had these experiences...

[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is if they even acknowledge it could have been “blurred lines.” The majority of rapists get away with it.

[–]itsneverlupus94FDS Newbie62 points63 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

No, sadly some people just ARE that evil. They don’t have an ounce of remorse or guilt in them and enjoy the suffering of others. It’s not comforting to hear but it’s the truth. What they need is to be severely punished form their actions, but that rarely ever happens.

[–]luna_prismaticFDS Newbie35 points36 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

And what eats me up inside every night is the fact that I’ve come into contact with so many of these truly evil people. Is it just me? A flaw? Or are there way, way more evil people out there than I thought? These people were inside of me. It makes me so sad, and angry. Sometimes I feel I’ll die from the anger at the injustice. It’s pure, evil, injustice. Maybe some people just get fucked over and suffer forever. And the best we can do is come to terms with the fact those horrible things happened to us, idk. But you’re right, these people need serious consequences. They deserve to be punished.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Abuse survivor here. No, it wasn't a flaw on your part. Predators have a good nose for vulnerability in others, so you may have been victimized more than once, but that doesn't make it your fault. Zebras do not attract lions - lions are attracted to zebras. It's a subtle but important distinction.

[–]huevos_and_whiskeyFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Approximately 6% documented at the clinical level for a disorder characterized by lack of empathy. Sounds small, but that’s about one in every fifteen people you meet.

I used to feel like I was a lightening rod for these types, too, so I did a bunch of reading. It’s not just you. You’re probably not even attracting them at a higher rate, you might just be better at spotting them.

[–]huevos_and_whiskeyFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes I think all the psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists should be rounded up and put into camps, forced rehabilitation.

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Narcs are not happy, regardless of the guilt they dont feel. They are volatile emotionally and STARVED for constant attention. They cant be happy, ever.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And that's the best revenge

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. We don't even have to do anything, life takes care of them for us by isolating them even more through their own behavior :)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Totally agree!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is why they are also dangerous and the best thing you can do is just appear as boring as possible and constantly be too busy to take their calls or meet up with them (block them)

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This 100x.

I feel no guilt about saying no to men or not giving second chances. No one can convince me otherwise.

[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I almost feel bad for them. Almost.

[–]greeneyesrosylipsFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Touché.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Chump Lady described it as: "They're not that deep. They don't bond. That's why they move on so easily - they were never with you in the first place."

[–]itsneverlupus94FDS Newbie103 points104 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Because people don’t care enough and justice is rarely served.

[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist53 points54 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly. The director of my company said that a woman who worked there 2 years ago drunkenly confessed that one pf the male employees raped her.

The director said that everyone else in the organization said she was lying. Everyone but the woman who said she was raped.

Sadly, the director is a proud feminist woman who believes that the "false rape accusation could've ruined him for life"....😐 .

[–]moonartemis1989FDS Newbie32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the director is a proud feminist woman who believes that the "false rape accusation could've ruined him for life"

what the actual fuck

[–]danibugFDS Newbie190 points191 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

We have to remind ourselves that milestones like engagements and marriages dont measure our worth.

[–]BashRunesFDS Apprentice45 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One thing growing up in rural America has taught me is that marriage, engagement, isn't an achievement in and of itself. Just about anyone can do it, and just because you did it doesn't mean it was the right choice or that you're happy. Looking at some of these couples, man. I'll gladly get married at 60 if it means I'm not getting involved with that.

It doesn't measure our worth, and the opinions of those who try to push you into thinking it does don't matter.

[–]jk1983671FDS Newbie28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not only that, but any idiot can get married (and often does). I know plenty of predators who locked down a victim. The fact they're still married years later doesn't mean they're actually happy or healthy together, just that the woman hasn't been able to escape. Don't trust whatever you see on social media.

[–]ello-mottoFDS Apprentice94 points95 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Cause PickMes are sadly desperate to get picked, and are secretly putting up with their shit behind the social media highlight reels.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

This ! Never assume someone is having an amazing couple life. You have no idea the drama people hide behind close doors. Social media was created for the narcissistic traits to thrive and make beliefs. People gloss over their lives a lot. Mostly when you have been with them in a same event but they present it differently on Facebook and you end up scratching your head thinking: “euh...I was there too that’s not what happened”

[–]ello-mottoFDS Apprentice25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It makes me miss the days of the internet when people primarily had blogs and wrote about things they were passionate about, and not just creating an image of themselves having a marketable lifestyle.

[–]RhiannonEmiliaFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. So much this!

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

God, I forgot about the days when you could share your whole life on Livejournal with total strangers. Now I'd be terrified of privacy issues and security breaches.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My life seriously got so much easier when I deleted Facebook.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same!! Quitting social media was a great decision

[–]ShieldMaidenLagerthaFDS Disciple61 points62 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They aren’t actually “happy”, they will never be happy.

[–]GourmayFDS Apprentice24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My therapist says they're not capable of experiencing real love.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The guy who raped me is a miserable piece of shit criminal and he is never, has never been, nor will ever be happy. That's the only solace I have.

He was constantly irritated and angry at the slightest comment. He was a bipolar narcissist who fought with everyone and had lots of charges against him. He was paranoid and friendless.

And im GLAD he continues to be miserable because of who he is. He will never change either :) Stay miserable little bitchboy.

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Unfortunately, women are more forgiving at the expense of themselves. Even society tells women to just move on, while men are allowed to get their revenge.

[–]InternationalHope8FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s exactly why we women have to stop being forgiving and start fighting back.

[–]slythergin23FDS Newbie61 points62 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i literally just sat under a bridge for two hours to a friend consoling me for this exact reason this past weekend. it's so incredibly unfair that they get to walk free and happily, while i'm over here struggling to even leave my bed in the mornings. i'm so done.

[–][deleted] 63 points64 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are collateral damage to a man’s future

[–]getbentgentFDS Newbie30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My ex literally called me worthless to my face and meant it. I remember just feeling like he'd stabbed me in the heart. To say something so cruel and not give two shits. There was a lot more than just the verbal abuse but that moment has fucked me up mentally for a long time.

[–]babyfrog98FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s so awful, and I can relate to the stabbing pain of shock and hurt you’re describing— it should never happen in a relationship where the other is supposed to care and cherish you. I hope the situation weighs less on your mind now and you’re happy 😊

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honestly, I don't care what they are doing. I don't measure my value by being in a relationship or getting married. I've been with them I know what they are capable of, what kind of partners they are. If anything, I feel sorry for their future partners. They are in for a "treat". My reword is finally loving myself and knowing my worth. With these two qualities on my side I can accomplish anything. And I will. While, LVM and narcissists will always be the same. Always. They're doomed to repeat their mistakes, their doomed to never be satisfied. They always gonna be lonely, sad and pathetic creatures. And that puts a smile on my beautiful face

[–]AudacityofToadsFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This 100%. Just as we preach to block and move on, I've found the most comfort in not letting ex's and terrible experiences ruin my day by thinking about them. Don't care what they're up to or who they're with. I try to focus on my future and what makes me happy.

I do feel bad for the whoever they move on with but would rather not get involved. My last ex was a social climber and could win groups over really well. When they would catch on to who he really was he would just move on to the next. Had a couple people come up to me a year after we broke up saying, "You were right about So&so." Felt validating to hear but I didn't really care what they had to say at that point.

[–]warinmymind94FDS Apprentice16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

oh man this hit home, I used to cry in my car about stuff like this.

I need to talk about this, my ex did cheat on me and my former male friend tried to pretend we were friends and then when he got me alone he assaulted me and tried to rape me. fast forward, my ex was actually dating another woman for THREE months while he was still dating me, and thats just when they were "official" he cheated long before that, he married her shortly after him and I broke up. as for my former friend, he ended up dating one of the women he was really into, one of his "dream girls" and you think he'd be happy, like he finally got what he wanted, but he's still as miserable and broke as ever. she takes advantage of him left and right, takes his money, shit talks him, and has cheated on him with several other men. when I was on tinder a few guys messaged me seeing we had her as mutual friends and told me they used to hookup and party with her at her house (aka sleep together and fool around) and it was all recent, when she was dating the other man. yikes. then theres my ex, he proposed to her with a literal Easter egg like the hard boiled kind. he still makes shit posts about me on his social media. my friend kept texting me screenshots and I finally threatened to block her if she didn't stop. my ex takes her and does all the same things and goes to the same places we would go together, he even copied my custom car down to the same color. I dont even know how it was possible, because he was blocked and deleted before I even got the car. my sister found out his wife made some fake accounts online and was following me so maybe thats how. its been over 2 years and im not sure what any of them are doing anymore and im not trying to find out so, the moral of my story is here is that its easy for people to lie and act happy on social media and pretend when they go out to be happy, but they're usually so much more miserable and broken then I was when I was crying in my car feeling like a messed up failure. some days you need to cry it out, but you need to do what you have to do to heal and move on. I started chasing everything I wanted, buying everything I wanted, doing everything I wanted, traveling, got my car, spent time with my family, and was able to finally tell my grandma the real reasons why I no longer talk to those ex friends

[–]The_Moon_PieceFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I sobbed when I read this. I feel it.

[–]flowers4uFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They aren’t.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because they're abusers who are perpetuating their crimes onto new women. You dodged a bullet by not getting that ring, baby, trust me.

[–]oricuriFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm very sure my ex is just putting up a façade for his new gf while he cheats behind her back, wether it be physically or emotionally (because of corona, if there wouldn't be a pandemic 100% physically). Old habits die hard and the ego of these people is huuuge. One day he uploads so many pictures with corny captions, the next day they are all gone, it's a weird cycle. He needs that sweet vapid validation from women all the time. I blocked him a long time ago bc he was STILL texting me even though he was posting her image and deleting it again all the time.

Don't be fooled by social media!

[–]oh_shit_oh_fuckFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

“Happily”...

you cannot prove that. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And as abuse survivors, many of us can attest to what happens with the abuser behind closed doors. We were there, we saw it. We need to believe ourselves.

[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They're not happy and they will always be shit. They find someone easily is because they're not picky. Qualifications are simple: put up with his shit and DTF.

[–]just-peepin-at-uFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because men can fuck up repeatedly and society still thinks they should have a wife or girlfriend.

[–]pinkliquorFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve struggled with this thought a lot because quite a few of my exes/shitty men I was involved with- seem to be happy in relationships and living life, while I deal with the trauma they gave me. But fuck em, they’ll always be narcissistic assholes, people don’t change. And I’m doing a lot better without the negativity and toxicity in my life anyway.

[–]planethoneyyFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The cycle of abuse does not magically stop with their next victim.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As someone that used to feel exactly this way.... you have to make some major changes in your life if this is how you see things.

I posit that if you were to remove men from your life (no dating, dating apps, social media where you’re garnering validation with pictures, texting, etc), you would not feel fucked up in the head.

That is a symptom only they cause, and only they (or their absence, rather) can cure

[–]OpenCelebration3FDS Newbie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t say happily . I’ve seen more than enough “happy” engagements where shady shit was going on behind closed doors. Don’t ever assume too quick

[–]InternationalHope8FDS Newbie2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because no one has held them accountable for what they’ve done. Report rapists and out them to their communities.

[–]kittycakes22FDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If only it were that easy.

[–]Mamma_MidnightFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Story of my life. This hits home hard today.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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