~ archived since 2018 ~

Time

April 19, 2021
302 upvotes

I finally have an (albeit small) success story to share with you all!

For background, I joined FDS around a year ago after years of engaging in casual sex, terrible relationships and constantly either dating or talking about dating. I always took the information onboard but I only very recently actually began practicing the advice shared on here and took responsibility for myself in my love life.

Now to my story, I was visiting my hometown the last week and was invited to a small party at a friends which a casual acquaintance was attending. He’s very sweet and well mannered, and we talk occasionally as he lives in the same city as me for work but is from the same hometown and we have cross overs with our friendship groups. We talked a bit throughout the night and he eventually expressed that he was really interested in taking me on a date sometime, if I would want to, said he wanted to plan something nice, pay for it all and would call me the next afternoon with the plan/offer so I should expect it.

I was very flattered and accepted it, and honestly it made me feel really good. I have been abstaining from dating/sex for a while now but it took me a long time to get to a place where I didn’t feel pressured or like I needed to be actively dating/having sex. It took a lot of arguing with friends, pain, tears, relapsing and patience with myself and people around me to unlearn all of the harmful ideals about needing a relationship and constantly searching for a partner, but I’m finally there. It felt so nice to have this man tell me he thought I was so beautiful and special that he wanted to take me out, especially because he said he didn’t meet people he wanted to take on a date often.

I accepted his offer, and was grinning ear to ear the whole taxi ride home when It dawned on me that there was a good chance he would simply not call or follow up ever. Just because he said he would didn’t guarantee anything, so I adjusted my expectations despite being curious to see if he would. This was a realisation based on my many years of online and “real life” dating where men have lied and gone back on their word or even when they have completely disappeared without a trace.

I woke up the next morning and knew my intuition was right because he never did call. The success for me was that I didn’t feel bad, upset, angry, confused, guilty etc. I didn’t feel like something was wrong with me or I said something stupid. My anxiety didn’t convince me that I needed to manifest a text from him or carefully try to think of the scenarios that could have stopped him from messaging. I didn’t search for signs in tarot and astrology that he was going to call. I just accepted it and moved on with my day.

The best part was I didn’t feel angry, which is something I have felt constantly when navigating dating. I can’t explain how much pain and anger I have experienced dating, although I’m sure I don’t need to explain it to this community. The years of emotional abuse, mind games, disregard for my feelings and selfishness I’m sure many of us have experienced in dating, I have finally given it time to heal.

Instead I felt relieved, that I was avoiding wasting my time and energy on him this early, and now I can continue to live my life trying to make myself happy first. I used to suffer from being a huge pick me and that was exuberated by my anxiety and the echo chamber of other women telling me to lower my standards, online and otherwise. I admit I would look at my phone and hope I’d missed his call, I’m not perfect and I’m still working hard to get to a place where I am entirely unbothered by men, but this felt like a good reminder that choosing myself was and will always be the right choice.

I know I’ll see him around and at events in the future but I plan to be friendly, unbothered and otherwise indifferent. He will not get another chance to waste my time but I’m grateful for the reminder that I deserve the world, and I’m willing to wait for something that’s up to my standards, whether it’s 3 days or 3 decades.

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Post Information
Title Time
Author poody456
Upvotes 302
Comments 19
Date April 19, 2021 3:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/time.777654
https://theredarchive.com/post/777654
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mu2txw/time/
Red Pill terms in post
Comments

[–]amhran_oicheFDS Newbie 119 points120 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is a GREAT success story. Tbh on my best days I still struggle with the idea of "finding a man" as it relates to self-worth. This is so encouraging, thank you for sharing.

[–]poody456FDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much ❤️ i hope every person here is able to get to this place, I still struggle too but it feels so good to have made some progress with myself ❤️

[–]yeahhh22FDS Apprentice 54 points55 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm doing better in this department as well. Instead of basically begging for a change in behavior I just drop them. I let them know my boundaries and then I go about my day. I am still a huge work in progress but considering where I came from it is so so so so so satisfying to compose myself and behave in a way that respects myself. The key is to be always willing to give up everything about that person at a moment's notice basically. Completely opposite from my previous extreme attachments that turned me into a staywithmeisha/keepmeisha lol... Saw those two terms recently here 😆

[–]yeahhh22FDS Apprentice 41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Communication is literally the worst advice they give women. Communicate in your actions. That's absolutely it. Either respect me or get out. The less words the better.

[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS STRATEGY COACH 47 points48 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Decentering men from your life is the key to happiness as a woman. Don't forget you're undoing years of social programming and it's not your fault for not being fully "ruthless" towards unworthy men... you'll eventually get there!

[–]JaelismyhomegirlFDS Newbie 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! No point in mourning the loss of someone who never existed in the first place.

[–]Lemon_bars_addictionFDS Disciple 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now this is the definition of leveling up !

[–]shelballamaFDS Newbie 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I love this. Great job! It's hard enough improving behaviors but you've gone a step further and managed to revamp how you feel enough to genuinely emotionally move past it with ease, which is no small feat (I'd probably at least feel a bit upset or annoyed if that happened to me).

[–]valkyriegollFDS Newbie 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm proud of you! Emotional constraint is such a hard thing especially in the beginning of NRE (new relationship energy) and the anxiety. You are enough for you.

A tip I use to, I don't save a guys contact into until after date 3.

[–]AshitagaFDS Newbie 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing this! Stay strong and remember you are human so don't punish yourself. :)

[–]fairywakesFDS Newbie 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You are so right to realize the giant step you have made in the way of Queendom. I’m so proud of you, and, thank you so much for sharing. The right man may not yet to come into our lives, but FDS works for WOMEN: our boundaries, our self worth, our success.

[–]poody456FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much lovely!

[–]MysteriousLife7FDS Newbie 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is the mindset I live for when joining FDS!

I have a genuine question. When men tell lies like this, what is the point of them doing so? What do they gain from going out of their way to flatter us and promise to do this and that but never follow up?

Why do we see this as wasting our time, but these men don't see it as wasting their own time?

[–]poody456FDS Newbie[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been pondering this the last week here and there, because it’s happened quite often in my dating journey and even in the last month or so. I have no idea what they gain from this, I guess it’s a way to get you invested in them without any effort on their part? It’s still so weird to me. The man in my story did admit he felt very nervous asking me out so it’s possible he just didn’t feel confident enough to do so. I try to remember that as you said when someone’s wasting your time, their wasting their own time too. I’d love to hear other opinions because i find it sad that even when I do get asked on a date my first thought is that it’s probably just a lie, it’s hard to trust anything they say anymore

[–]GourmayFDS Apprentice 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is really great, congratulations on reaching that point! I try to keep in mind that situations like these are not about me but about them.

[–]poody456FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you ❤️ wonderful advice

[–]FDS-GFYFDS Newbie 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is incredibly well done. Good on you!

[–]poody456FDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you kindly!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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