I have a friend who is really into true crime. He has a personal history with a family member who went missing (she was found) and it had a really big impact on him, so he's a little obsessed with unsolved cases. He shares them on social media whenever the woman (or her body) is still missing. He normally doesn't comment an opinion, but every once in a while he writes "the husband/boyfriend did it" and kind of comes for him. He's always really confident and doesn't let it go. And his accuracy is astounding. I know it's almost always the husband or boyfriend, but some cases appear more complicated (like when the husband has an air tight alibi or the evidence seems to point elsewhere etc)
He wrote out a big explanation about how he is so accurate and says it's not that he has superhuman intuition or a radar for lying. He just has one trick.
All he does is he looks at what ages the couple was when they first started dating. If she was in her early 20s while the man was 30 or older, it's a red flag. So next, he looks up if it's a pattern (if the man has a history of only dating and marrying young women). And if he has that pattern, he calls it. That's it. That's the secret. He applies a similar test for age gaps between older couples. In those cases, if the younger woman is described by family and friends as having very "girly/immature" qualities (like being very fun loving, carefree, easily excited etc) he puts red flags up and checks the guys history for the aforementioned dating pattern.
His theory is that when men seek out much younger women exclusively, it isn't just indictive of poor character, it's a sign that these men are incompatible with adult women. But that incompatibility is deeper than it appears. Because it's not that those men are perverts, it's that they fear (hate) women. They mask it by having relationships and compatibility with girls and YOUNG women. But the fear and hatred is there (deeply imbedded) and it can be really dangerous. Most people just consider those type of men as just being dogs, or perverts or men who really enjoy beauty, or whatever. But his theory is that's a mistake to write them off like that. Because it's much deeper. It's the desire for sex combined with a hatred and fear of women. That is a dangerous combo.
This same friend had years ago very gently tried to tell me my age gap relationship was full of gaslighting, manipulation and red flags, but I didn't want to hear it because my bf was buying me things and saying nice words and was so "high value" in my mind. These days I've joined him and all the others in warning young women. Please listen to (especially women) people when they warn you about age gaps. There is so much truth in it.
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