Hi guys. I hope you all are doing well. Please do read this & understand how an LVM can adversely change the trajectory of your entire life. This will be long so buckle up. So last year, I got entangled with an LVM who downgraded my life so bad. Let’s call him Adrian. When we first started talking, he love bombed me & I was so impressed, I fell head over heels for him. He had ended a 7 year relationship just 2 months prior to when we started talking & the reason that he gave her was that he “realized he wouldn’t be happy with her”, mind you this was AFTER they made plans to get married. Yikes. So being the naive woman that I was, I ignored all of his red flags. He strung me along for the next two months saying that he’ll start a relationship with me, he just needs to get over his ex first. You know what I replied? “Take your time. I’ll wait for you” 🤡 he asked to meet at his house, where we cuddled (Never get intimate with a guy unless you’re both officially together). Later on, he was struggling to move on & even started getting dreams about her. I sensed that he perhaps has his doubts about me so I told him, “It’s okay if you don’t want a relationship with me. I’ll completely understand” 🤡 He replied, “Yeah I can’t but I’ll be a good friend to you” so we continued to be in touch when all of a sudden, one day, he blocked me EVERYWHERE. On every social media. He also blocked my number so that I shouldn’t call or SMS. I made an alternate instagram ID to ask him why he did all this. I begged & begged to know because I was so devastated, I just needed closure. But no reply. I asked a friend to create a whatsapp group & add him & me in it so that I could talk to him. Then we had a chat & he finally agreed to meet me. By this time, I was deep in depression & had started seeing a therapist. After meeting, he gave vague answers like “I just don’t want to be involved. I want to be at a distance from you.” We had a common friend, let’s call him Shawn. Shawn had also done the same to me (blocked everywhere). It was actually through Shawn that I met Adrian. Shawn didn’t even agree to meet me but Adrian phoned him that time & he told me “I blocked you because I was sad from the passing away of my grandmother. I was in turmoil & I regret doing that”. He said he regretted it but never tried to make amends with me or apologized to me. Then with tears in my eyes, I started to explain to Adrian why I was so hurt by their actions & how much they meant to me (Never ever explain to a guy how traumatized you are because of him. HE KNOWS). Yeah, so he felt no remorse. He stood up, said goodbye & before even hearing my goodbye, he walked away. I sat in that café crying for another hour before I decided to go home. PS forgot to mention, I came to this café by a cab. The place where I live is infamous for being unsafe for women. I took a sharing ride, so along with the driver, there was another man in the passenger seat & I sat in the back. I was terrified throughout the ride sitting with those two men hoping I reach the place safe. I never take cabs alone, this was the first time. Usually I’m accompanied by a friend or family. & this was the lengths I went to for this trash dude. Anyways, all this happened last year.
This year Adrian reached out to me & said sorry for blocking me & he apparently did that because Shawn had brainwashed him against me. He trusted Shawn’s words that I wasn’t a good person & hence did what he did. Oh & the only reason he came back to me was because Shawn betrayed him & fucked him over. So now he has no one to provide him emotional labor. I talked to him for a while but realized that I should cut him off my life remembering what he did to me. Because of the depression he caused me last year, I couldn’t focus on my studies & failed my exams. I was pushed back a term & I’m currently falling behind my academic course by 14 months. That’s the price I paid (Coincidentally when he contacted me this year, I was retaking those same exams.) so anyways, I focused on my studying, wrote my exams & the results just came today & I passed with first division so I wanted to share my happiness with you all. Not sure how the grading system works in other countries but first division is a pretty big deal here 😭
I’m really proud of myself for not going back to him & thank you to this community for everything it taught me. Today I am who I am because of FDS. I hope my story helps you in some way or form, in recognizing that the best thing you can do for yourself is to engage with only HV people & stay as far away from LVMs as you can.