Was approached by a man in a parking lot. How to navigate in future?

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-11-08T00:37:53+00:00

Crikey sorry OP that would scare me. Personally because I’m quite jumpy I’d lock the car doors, and listen to him briefly through the closed window (in case he had something legit to tell me) and nod and point in the direction of the lake when he asked, then drive off. Any guy with ‘good intentions’ would not approach a woman on her own in a quiet parking place so he would deserve to be cut off mid sentence. Also because I’m cautious I wouldn’t go back there alone but find somewhere else to walk in the future even tho it’s not fair..stay safe..Ted Bundy stalked his victims like this and asked them for help. The ones that got away were the less polite women that ignored him.

NowTruly · 2021-11-08T05:10:57+00:00

One more thing to add: if he’s forcing your attention in a conversation, I’d watch out for an accomplice who could come around the side/back while you were distracted.

Could drug you (look at the club injections trend), could block your tailpipe (force your car to stall), could slash your tires — anything to make you vulnerable.

Unless you know your doors are locked, your windows are up, and you are driving away free and clear, I’d be wary of engaging anyone in a parking lot who initiated contact like you described.

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-11-08T01:28:11+00:00

Your first mistake was engaging with him at all - strange men do not ever legitimately need anything from you. All those questions he kept asking? Just using it to keep you trapped in conversation. He knows women are trained to be polite and keep talking. He didn't actually need to know any of those questions.

I'm not judging, I've done this countless times and am trying to unlearn the behavior. It sucks that you are uncomfortable about a place you love to frequent.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-11-08T03:40:49+00:00

Things you did well: parking in public, noticing the red car going out of its way to park by you, listening to the weird feeling in your gut, waited for him to leave first, and most importantly you got home safe.

Hopefully there’s not a next time, but cut him off at question 2, make up an appointment, say you’ve got Carrie level flow and got to GTFO. Or straight up ignore him trying to get your attention and then GTFO. Men like that rely on your social conditioning to be nice and helpful in order to harass you. Be rude, tell him to fuck off, and leave. It’s your safety versus his ego/human trafficking plug. Boy bye!!!!!

bisanti · 2021-11-08T06:56:22+00:00

So sorry. This is terrifying. Please don’t go back to that trail alone. If you’re in your car and safe, make sure those doors are locked and just peel off. Weirdo is not owed conversation. Keep your windows rolled up too.

I recently had a creepy experience like this. Driving on a narrow road with cars parked on both sides and I see a car approaching. Being courteous I pull over to an empty parking space and thought the car would pass by. Wrong. He parks right beside me so close our doors would hit eachother if opened, so I’m essentially almost boxed in. He starts frantically waving for me to roll down my window. He’s also urgently mouthing something to me. I see a shadowy figure in the passenger seat. I’m pretty sure I gave him the most horrified look and HIT THE GAS to get away, narrowly missing his car and the parked one in front of me. I sped all the way home in fear. I have no idea what he wanted but it was dark outside and the urgency of his waving seemed off. I checked and there was nothing wrong with my car..

Stay on your toes ladies. Don’t engage once you’re in a safe place. GTFO.

missangel89 · 2021-11-08T05:59:30+00:00

I remember a viral video from a while ago that had a Secret Service agent's daughter giving some safety tips for women, and the one that really stuck with me is that men don't ask women for help.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-11-08T07:12:00+00:00

My advice:

Look busy whenever you’re walking from place to place. If a man stops you, look annoyed.
If you are waking when you talks to you, DON’T STOP. This can be a hard habit to break, because they’ll just stand there, expecting you to stop. Practice looking at them expectantly, while continuing at the same pace.
Keep things as brief as possible, and defer the answer he’s seeking to another source (“i dunno, check with the front desk.” “Yes: head that way. You’ll see the signs.” or even just “i don’t know. Good luck.”

Platipus6 · 2021-11-08T02:34:12+00:00

He wasn't trying to date you, he was trying to snatch and traffick you.

Strange men get 2 answers from me, I don't know, and No thank you.

Don't ever go back at the same time. If you go at midday and see the car, take a pic of the license plate and forward it to your email and a couple of friends. Shit, forward it to the local PD twitter lol.

FUBARfromLSA · 2021-11-08T03:50:16+00:00

I respond with a quick Dunno and a nod.

I hate to tell you this but he was stalking you and if it were me I would avoid that area for a few weeks maybe even months.

Yes, I know you love it, yes it sucks you have to change up your routine because of a threatening man, jt to me my safety isn’t worth it.

Sorry this happened.

bonghits4jess · 2021-11-08T04:03:28+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you! I don’t think you did anything wrong, I think you did a lot right: rolled up your window to signal the end of the conversation, waited for him to leave first, checking to make sure you weren’t followed. But you gave him way too much info, those questions were super creepy and he was definitely tryna pin your movements down so he could “bump into you” again. Please don’t go back there or at least wait a good while before you do.

Please don’t blame yourself either, it’s very hard to know what to do or say when you’re caught off guard like that. As women we are socially conditioned to politely respond to men even when they make us uncomfortable. This is why it’s best not to engage period. Just ignore any strange man that approaches you in public. Pretend you don’t hear them, don’t make eye contact but be subconsciously aware of what they are doing in case they are following you. If you feel your safety is endangered by ignoring them, then you should shut down all lines of inquiry when you do speak to them. “Hey is there a lake nearby” “I don’t know.” “How long is the trail?” “I’m honestly not sure.” None of this is a deterrent however, as you see not even an imaginary man stopped him from harassing you. The only thing that really scares SOME of these guys is pulling out a gun on them, but obviously I don’t recommend that unless you know how to operate one and you’re prepared to use it.

NemesisNoire · 2021-11-08T01:24:57+00:00

In the future, resist the urge to be nice and avoid spending any time (even a few minutes) alone with a strange man pretending to need help or asking questions any phone can tell him in .2 seconds. Ted Bundy would pretend to have a broken arm in a cast....

You did pretty good, considering it was a surprise attack but act like an idiot in a rush in the future. "I don't know, can't help ya, I gotta go Right now, peace out." "Idk, I was taking a quick dump in the woods after eating chipotle for lunch, hey do you have any napkins, bro?"

If you want to continue enjoying your trail and going when you want you have to prep to confront this guy and Scare his ass away.

moriahqri · 2021-11-08T05:07:16+00:00

Like others are saying, I wouldn't go back to that path some months. And try to go during peak hours when you know there will be lots of other people around. Better safe than sorry. Make sure you are switching up your routine from here on out (and get some pepper spray for when you return ). Don't give strange men the benefit of the doubt, they are always up to something.

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-11-08T03:25:52+00:00

These tips really only work if you're in public and there are other people around.

My policy is to answer one question. If they press for more, the second answer is "I don't know" in a flat, bored/annoyed tone. Don't make eye contact and go about whatever it was you were doing. Usually men don't get to question number two with me because I just walk off without answering lol. Act like you don't have time for this and you're bothered. If he keeps going, the answer is "What, is Google too hard for you to figure out?" in a really pissed off tone. Leave the situation. What you're going for is humiliation. Men who do this are expecting your female socialization to win out over your instincts. The innocuous questions in a public or semi-public place are to try and force compliance because other people are around. They're counting on you being too afraid or embarrassed to make a scene. Fuck that. Make it clear you don't care about social pressure. That intimidates them.

ZealousidealGas6916 · 2021-11-08T00:33:29+00:00

In the future do not tell any information at all. LIE. Do not tell them you walk X amount of kms. Lock the doors upon immediately entering your vehicle. Men tend to harrass me in public and I have noticed from the second they see you they are trying to determine how much you will let them get away with. Somehow you have to be intimidating whilst doing whatever you need to do with your back turned or even just sitting on the bus. It's insane. Be safe.

avakadava · 2021-11-08T05:10:07+00:00

Avoid that trail and go to a different one. Since the trail is close to your place, set up security camera/s at your place

gingerandlime · 2021-11-08T01:39:33+00:00

Unfortunately there is no way to navigate a situation such that a creepy and threatening person behaves differently. The only suggestion I would give is to be less open, e.g. don’t give directions, just say something like “yes, Lake whatever is that way” and go about your day. Basically, making clear you’re not the soft target he’s looking for.

All of this is not good but that question about if you go everyday at that time… I’m sorry, lady, but I would say to give that spot a rest for at least a week or two. And get that license plate number if you see the car again.

Heather619 · 2021-11-08T02:43:25+00:00

What's done is done. Don't overthink if you handled it the "right" way. Just be prepared if he returns. Get pepper spray, a taser, a gun with the proper permits. Whatever self-defense methods are legal in your area.

kpopcannotstop · 2021-11-08T00:25:44+00:00

None of this was your fault. I just want to start off by saying that. Men like that are simply depraved and ignorant of other's feelings. Whenever I'm out alone, I try to ignore men who approach me randomly like this. When they ask me something, I quickly reply with "I don't know" and continue on with my business. That's just what I do though. I'm not sure how helpful it would have been in your situation.

Risoa · 2021-11-08T10:49:25+00:00

I always say I don’t know to directions and keep it moving if so I get a bad vibe. The fact that you didn’t have your prescription glasses on to see clearly adds extra anxiety to the fire. You don’t have to engage with anyone out of obligation. Next time if you’re startled take that as reason enough to ignore. Focus your movements on getting out of the situation.

rainbowshummingbird · 2021-11-08T03:00:07+00:00

We have to minimize our contact with unknown men, especially when we are somewhere alone. It’s just not safe to engage with them like this.

From the conversation you posted, I can imagine him thinking: could I grab her, knock her out, drag her over to my car, put her in the trunk? Yikes.

Ok-Yogurtcloset3467 · 2021-11-08T12:17:23+00:00

I would have acted the same as you. Not that it's the safest way to behave. But the suddenness and the fear I would have felt would have made me engage with him longer than I should.

But everyone is right. The conversation should've been much shorter. And you shouldn't have told him what time you went. Basically you should have lied like you would have when a man asks if you're home alone.

Tell a few people irl about what happened for your safety. If you see the car again, get their number plate. And you know what, report it if you see the car again or they try and speak to you again. You can never be too careful.

And it is smart of you to change the time you go on that walk. At least for a few months. And carry some form of protection on you when you go.

sleepysiri · 2021-11-08T18:56:01+00:00

Men don’t ask women for help. If he’s asking for directions, it’s an obvious red flag.

If a man asks you to roll down your window, DON’T.

Tharwaum · 2021-11-08T09:01:12+00:00

“Sorry, I have to leave now” (after hearing the 3rd question). Then stop responding. If you’re not comfortable giving out your number or spending time with someone you just met in a potentially unsafe isolated place, and to not be comfortable would be the wisest thing, having a conversation and repeatedly rebuffing is a waste of time and will leave the interaction even more negative. Cut it off as soon as it goes past basic courtesy or just pretend you didn’t hear anything from the beginning.

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-11-08T01:54:30+00:00

Hey, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I would have been freaked out by the whole situation too. I feel really annoyed that he had to make one of your favorite places feel unsafe.

I'm not sure how relevant this suggestion would be to you, but for me, getting a big, protective, leash-reactive dog has given me a lot of peace of mind with respect to my safety. Whenever I go trail-walking, I always take her with me and she makes me feel so safe. She's very protective of me and views men as threats. She doesn't let any men get close to me-- she'll bark, growl, lunge (but not bite), and she's intimidating because she's a 60lbs pitbull mix. Of course, she'll warm up to men (she's warmed up to all my previous roommates' boyfriends), but she's not going to let any unknown man get close to me. She's literally my first-born child and I love her so much. I never trained her to do any of this protection work (though she's very smart, listens so well, and is very trainable). I think what happened is that I adopted her, helped her out, and loved on her in her time of great stress and need (she was found tied to a tree next to a highway with her 4 puppies); and she understands that and is returning the favor.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-11-08T15:44:27+00:00

Just don't ever talk to men in situations like that. Don't go walking in trails alone. Sadly, that's the world we live in - all men are presumed dangerous until proven otherwise.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-11-08T09:36:15+00:00

Is there someone you can take with you when you go walking? A friend perhaps?

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-11-08T13:19:16+00:00

Ughhh when he started asking more probing questions my alarm bells went off and I was so worried for you. Like a horror movie I was covering my face like “Nnoooo!! Get out of there!!” What a creepy thirsty man. I really really hope it was just a thirsty man and not a stalker but for your safety you should inform people where you are going and possibly wait a while to “throw him off your scent.”

eating_dirt · 2021-11-09T23:43:51+00:00

Hey can someone tell me what “hustled” means in this context? I thought hustling was when you work a lot of side jobs to make money, but my definition clearly doesn’t work here. Thanks in advance! 😊 also personally I wouldn’t judge OP’s reactions in this situation too harshly, it all happened so suddenly. There’s been times in my own life where I’ve acted in ways that were totally against what I would typically do just because I was caught by surprise. I think you did your best and at least made sure he wasn’t following you.

Title	Was approached by a man in a parking lot. How to navigate in future?
Author	desertedstreets
Upvotes	258
Comments	52
Date	November 8, 2021 12:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qp1gt6/was_approached_by_a_man_in_a_parking_lot_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/was-approached-by-a-man-in-a-parking-lot-how-to.1085334 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085334