“You’re doing it wrong” or “that’s not REAL BDSM” or “people don’t understand it” is not an argument when all popular representations of their practice sends out dog whistles and bat signals to abusive men, who’s interest is piqued by seeing the problematic aspects in pop culture they’re claiming don’t exist.
They are attracted to the popular representation of what that community represents.
[–][deleted] 64 points65 points66 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[+]PiscesAlert4 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
There was one time a woman posted for advice about her kink and need for degrading sex/porn. She was consciously aware that it was linked to her early sexual assault and abuse but she still needed it to get off. What happened is that when she'd go there or her boyfriend accommodated her she'd get triggered then shut down and upset. So her question was how to move on from that.
The bdsm community came out of the woodwork and told her to lean into it even more, that she should let go of the shame she felt because that's what was causing her distress and it was normal and natural to be into bdsm. It's like some insane sex cult.
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[+]TheAvocadoxLlama2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I hate how normalized BDSM is right now. As someone who was sexually assaulted years ago, I cannot have rough sex because it causes a trigger warning in me and I start to cry. The only sex I enjoy is vanilla, but realizing how almost no one wants to have it makes me feel very disappointed and that I never gonna meet someone who makes me feel ok with sex, but to be honest I rather be alone than wasting my time and energy with someone who’s never gonna make me feel safe.
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