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September 3, 2020
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Post Information
Title Well...
Author greatnesdbyamu
Upvotes 591
Comments 59
Date September 3, 2020 12:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/well.212881
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ils9i2/well/

[–][deleted] 274 points275 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Being a functional adult is not sexy, it's just what's expected of every adult????? He went through a whole childhood, marriage, and divorce before realizing, oh, hey, I need to wash my own dishes? Lmao at the "apply all my intelligence and devise a management method". I bet his dishes are crusty and growing mold in the sink while he pontificates on the internet.

[–]ClintEastwoods_ChairFDS Newbie94 points95 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I bet his dishes are crusty and growing mold in the sink while he pontificates on the internet.

😂 God I love this sub, you ladies crack me up

[–]Bex_The_HexFDS Newbie40 points41 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I had to teach my ex how to wash dishes. Mind you, we were 23 and he had grown up hand washing dishes, while I had a dishwasher most of my childhood. He literally didn't wash the bottom/underside of plates and bowls. We had a whole fight about it. His argument was that we didn't eat off the bottom. I then yelled "yeah, but when we put them away, we stack the dishes, and then you have dirty, unclean bottom of dishes on top of the clean tops, and now they're not clean anymore!" He was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it.

He never apologized. Of course.

[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol I actually had the same discussion with my ex! He wasn’t shitty about it to be fair to him, but he was hilariously dumbfounded at the realization lmao

[–]reidelmarFDS Apprentice7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had to do the same damn thing plus laundry, clean the entire apartment, set out clothing and make sure the car was always tuned up. We met when I we were 18 and lived together for 4 years through college. Everyday I came home from class and I'd spend hours cleaning and cooking, only to be so exhausted that I couldn't focus on any homework and I'd always be late the next day to all my classes from exhaustion.

I'll always regret all the damn time I wasted spent playing house wife to a LVM who always came up with excuses after excuses and how I let my classes slide when I knew I could've been successful had I not been too busy taking care of a man.

Now I live alone and shit is in order and I'm building my own business. I'll throw flaming holy water at the next man who dares come at me with the audacity!

[–]Nicolo_UltraFDS Newbie79 points80 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh my god the amount of times you see advice from man to man, where husband hasn’t gotten any bedroom time in awhile (read: one week probably) is “well, pick up some of the chores dude” or “when was the last time you washed the dishes?” Like it’s not fucking rocket science you’re childish behavior is making you unsexy and turning her off, but also magically doing the dishes one time in a year isn’t enough either. If I started turning down sex from my partner something serious is up and he’d better run a goddamn extensive cleanup effort to fix it or I’ll just dip.

[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice61 points62 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Too bad it never works that way. The minute you lose interest in sex with him, his first thought isn't to think about what he could do to help you but how likely he is to cheat and get away with it since "you aren't putting out anymore."

[–]Pretend-ValuableFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


No doubt he also porntificates

[–]chateauduchatFDS Newbie131 points132 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is why managers get paid more than workers. There is a hidden, invisible mental load when we have to manage others to tell others what to do instead of them knowing by themselves and taking initiative.

[–]IrateBraceFaceFDS Newbie55 points56 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Good point, plus responsibility. If something you told him to do goes wrong, you're responsible for it. Better get a man who tackles his own tasks his way.

[–]GretaTheBeeotchFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been living under that sword of Damocles for a long time. It suuuuuuucks

[–]Tell-Me-WhyyFDS Newbie75 points76 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

This reminds me of my NVM narc ex. He would always say 'I live for duty' 'just tell me what to do and I'll do it'. Yet he would also call me controlling, and demanding and overly critical if I did complain about something that wanted to be changed.

So not only with LV/ NVm do they not do the obvious relationship stuff and ask you to do it all, or instruct them, they don't even do it when you ask!

The 'tell me what to do' is just another way men put the blame on the woman if the relationship goes wrong or the woman is unhappy, another way to be lazy and do fuck all and take no responsibility. I'm sure they already know how to be a good partner, they just can't be bothered.

Oh and now guys are Gods if they actually do bare minimum in a relationship they chose, without women asking! Yet women just do it without any credit whatsoever.

The double standards and how low the bar is set for men are just ridiculous

[–]IrateBraceFaceFDS Newbie27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I know that too well.. You're the nag when you tell him all the stuff that needed to be cleaned up and still wasn't a day later when friends are about to visit...

[–]th3n3w3ston3FDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When they ask, they're actually hoping you'll say they don't need to do anything so they'll seem considerate. BuT yOu SaId YoU DIdN't NeEd mE tO dO aNyTHinG!

[–]Half_HaltFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Were you married to my ex? Sounds like something he'd say.

[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Just tell me what to do and I'll do it".

Ok, I want you to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for managing and performing your own life, including household duties.

[–]HhjjuuyFDS Apprentice145 points146 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Awww he's such a good man. Acknowledging that his wife isn't his mommy while diminishing the sexuality of all women! Yay!

Unless "this" is my orgasm "I got this" isn't a particularly sexy phrase at all. Attractive? Reassuring? Bare minimum since we're talking about housework? Sure. Sexy? The sexiest? Fucking lol

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple79 points80 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup. Because clearly all us mystical women folk get turned on by a man vacuuming. Like a these men freaking KIDDING ME!? I get turned on by men being sexy, not by my partner doing the freaking dishes.

I dont know, perhaps men like that have a baby fetish, so they want a mommy to change their diaper or some shit, and that is the logic they are going for.

[–]MRgoudaonionspicklesFDS Newbie53 points54 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Not once have my panties dropped because my man was doing stuff around the house that should be done regardless of my existence there. Not. once.

Side note: I swear dropping the term "boyfriend" from my vocab and solely using "partner" when referring to him, it changed his way of seeing our relationship dynamic. I'm not in my 20s anymore, and we live together, so you are my partner, my counterpart, not my fun little hangout buddy anymore. And he knows I will never do his laundry, cause I'm not his mom and he's not 7.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple40 points41 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha a mgtow scrote literally wrote to me today in a comment "stop calling him your partner. He is your boyfriend not your partner ". I told this mgtow scrote to bite me and stop fucking telling women what they can and can't do. He is my fucking partner. So yeah. Fucking incels

[–]MRgoudaonionspicklesFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

still confused as to why partner is less appropriate or less fitting than boyfriend, but whatever, they are just grabbing at straws for something to bitch about

[–]kwalden2FDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some relationships don't have a dynamic where they are sharing a load/life. Sometimes a couple is pursuing goals individually, but they are also meeting up in the middle. Every relationship is different. That's why what you call your significant other is totally between you and your significant other.

[–]Caedere01FDS Newbie21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Another piece of evidence that the bar is really low.

[–]GIfuckingJaneFDS Newbie40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Train men to be a better housemates by providing orgasms when they do housework". Like I'm not pavlov who has to classically condition you. Just be a fucking normal human who cleans, you weirdo.

[–]NewDriverStewFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a line that's thrown around to make men occasionally run the dishwasher without first being asked 25 times. It backfired because now men expect a sticker and a blowjob for pushing the "Start" button on the machine.

[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Newbie23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hate the talk about women supposedly getting horny over men doing housework. We're supposed to go wild over BASIC DECENCY? And so many men are so rotten that some women do (like the water drinkers post the other day). 😑 To turn men on we are expected to be tiny (except for butts and boobs- natural, big, AND perky, please) bald everywhere except for the long flowing hair (no grays), have flawless skin (but no make-up- men like all natural), and contortionists in bed who will do anything to make him happy, like bringing our friends over for threesomes, watching porn with him, wearing heels/anime/schoolgirl/whatever outfits in bed and getting slapped, choked, and peed on (whatever kinks he has, you must be GGG!) while screaming in "pleasure."

[–]Orphanedpinkpetals6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel confused

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This. This was one of the many reasons I divorced. Yes, the abuse and all aside, I constantly had to mother him and do bloody meal planning for him. Dishes just weren't something he did and, if he did them on occasion, he'd only do a third or maybe half. Then he'd complain about how I did dishes 🙄

[–]localgirlcultFDS Newbie36 points37 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I remember this. Here's his full article.

[–]traumatizedadultFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

"Men Can Do Things

Men invented heavy machines that can fly in the air reliably and safely. Men proved the heliocentric model of the solar system, establishing that the Earth orbits the Sun. Men design and build skyscrapers, and take hearts and other human organs from dead people and replace the corresponding failing organs inside of living people, and then those people stay alive afterward. Which is insane."

This paragraph just makes me wonder how highly he thinks about himself 🙄😬😑 "You know men did this , invent that, landed on moon, climbed Everest, have been to Marianas trench and you want them to do dishes" seriously trashy entitled behavior is a big turn off, sorry.

[–]th3n3w3ston3FDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Conveniently forgetting that all those men had someone keeping their homes for them...

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, the whole article's message that I got was this: "You should do these things because you love, care and respect her... even though these little, trivial, things women care about make no sense, and they don't communicate properly cuz "We'Re nOt MinD ReAdErS"

I previously read it 3 times and to write some comments here I re-read it 2 more times, just in case I was getting wrong... and nope, still feel the same rage and frustration over how this guy figured out the method to have a good marriage... but didn't fix the root problem AT ALL.

[–]Sinchichis96FDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

He obviously forgot that back then women were treated as second class citizens...just imagine the things that WE could had achieved if people believe in us and we didn’t have as many restrictions...

[–]00Hypernova00FDS Newbie31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Geez, I didn't know it was this hard for men.. Like, they really have to use aalll their intelligence and brain function to see dishes, then wash them, without anyone telling them to.. Lol.. That's just, kinda sad

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Relatable. If I have to tell you to do it I'm out.

[–]KimpracticalFDS Newbie26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A man who has to be told when/how to take care of his house and family is not a man

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

men really do expect the most praise for doing the least

[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's because they all know they ain't shit, so when one of them does something right that they normally wouldn't do, they wanna be given a trophy for it. Meanwhile, they all fail to see how they just silently agreed that other men are trash.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm gonna start congratulating them by saying "wow thats so rare for men to do that"

[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They'll probably just worry their doing something "girly" and stop. "Real men don't do 'women's work.'"

[–]azngirl7689At-Risk Pick Me Youth17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No the sexiest thing is good foreplay and nice equipment downstairs not chores. That’s a bare minimum standard to meet, what pick me told him that chores were sexy?

[–]appendixgallopFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What's exhausting is to have the added duty of pointing out what needs to be done. Hearing that from a spouse and father of three kids who was only home weekends year after year was (eventually) my life-changing prod. Can you imagine a co-pilot on a jumbo jet saying, "if you just tell me what you want me to do, I'll gladly do it."?

[–]VillanellohFDS Newbie9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha best analogy so far. "The plane is nosediving but nobody told me what to do soooo"

[–]MagnfiqueMaleficentFDS Newbie13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“You guys, he brushed his own teeth, wiped his own ass, and did all the buttons by his big boy self today!” <claps and squeals!> If anyone gets sexually turned on by this sort of basic self management, there’s something WRONG. Mopping the floor is no different.

[–]CarmelPeachFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I remember my bf had told me something like I don’t do enough around the house when I literally cook, clean and wash the dishes and clean the bathroom and clean the room he leaves dishes in . He works full time and I don’t work atm so I try to help, but ever since then I haven’t had the same motivation to help him out . He only said he was sorry and didn’t mean it after I started crying. I’m like what the he’ll do you do after work? And all he could say is I washed dishes a few times last week .. I WASH THEM EVERYDAY TWICE A DAY. the male species is ridiculous

[–]ThisAintMyOnlyUNFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And the fact that you’re not his maid.

Even when I made far less money and paid less rent I made up for it by buying groceries and other random household items. I made food because I enjoyed it, made desserts because I enjoyed it. I cleaned up the house because I hate clutter, actual dirt, and gross smells. I did the laundry, the dishes, waxed the floor. I would even make my SO at the time coffee because we had to leave the house at 5 am every morning. Pay for gas on our morning commute.

Literally didn’t matter. Eventually he started screaming at me about me being worthless, that I didn’t do anything around the house, didn’t contribute, etc. He also said he was sorry and didn’t mean it. Every time. But honestly, the only thing he saw me as was a business transaction who paid rent & since I didn’t pay as much as him (even though his roommate paid even less) I was deemed as lesser than and deserved the backlash.

We’re not together anymore. I would highly advise reading the handbook - your SO may very well be a good partner but this is something women have had to endure for decades, centuries even. There should never be a point in time where your SO thinks you’re his maid and should be doing literally everything simply because you’re not working. He should acknowledge your efforts and be fucking appreciative as housework IS work. If he wants you to do everything then he can pay your for your time and effort.

[–]saydeesaltFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This whole article is about respect. If she’s asked him to NOT do something before and he does it regardless after, that is disrespectful.

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but the whole article it reads like "you should do these things because you love and respect her... even though caring about these little trivial things makes no logical sense"

While he got the general idea, underneath it all he STILL thinks 1) he's right in the end 2) women don't communicate properly 3) caring about all these little things doesn't make sense

I just re-read the article a 5th time, and yeah I still don't think it's that pro-HVM. He's apologetic because he lost the great addition to his life that was his wife, but the roots of the problem are still there.

[–]osefdupseudalThrowaway Account2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure he truly believes that it's only cause of the dishes

[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I encourage you to look up the article if you can. It got pretty popular for a while, and it's a good one. The takeaway is not what you expect.

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh yeah it is, sorry I didn't read the smaller title of this screenshot.

I read that and to be honest, I didn't like it. He in general got the right thing to do, but the whole article he painted this picture of his wife not being logical because of "caring for little, trivial things" while he painted an image of himself as "logical, common sense man."

The takeaway that I got from him is: If you truly love her, you'll do all these things because it shows you respect her as an equal... even though it doesn't really make sense and/or she's being irrational."

Maybe I should read it again, but I read it three times and that's the attitude I'm getting from him.

[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's been a while since I've read it myself, so you may be right.

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Are we talking about the article of the dude who titled it "wife is divorcing me because I don't put cups in the dishwasher" and went on saying that "that wasn't really the issue" and that "if you care for her, you'll do these things?"

[–]AyemHerselfRuthless Strategist2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]LogPsihoFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is why I broke up with a man who was so loving to me, but I could not take babying him anymore. I advise women to break it off at the first signs of this because your time and effort can be better spent elsewhere.

[–]grapefruitjuicepartyFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s so sad and disgusting that this kind of post is a step above the norm for men. The simple act of empathizing, of taking adult responsibility, and managing daily and life tasks, is supposed to be a higher evolution than the average man is expected to achieve.

That is absurd.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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